February 28th, 2012

To Light The Way To Bed

Books & Stuff

I have had enough of badly written teen angst, so am not reading/reviewing 'Rotters' or 'The Pledge'. But will hopefully be reading/reviewing 'Dinosaur Fantastic', 'Dragon Fantastic',  'Assigned!', 'Merlin' and 'Beswitched'.

I read the casting spoiler for 'The Walking Dead' series 3, maybe that will enliven the show. How did TPTB make zombies so BORING?

Saw the set photos from 'Star Trek 2', nice but please not Khan. NOT Khan!

I am reading 'Blood Games'.

'The Raven' trailer
Over acted and dumb.

'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine' Quotes:
"After today the only real threat to us from the Alpha Quadrant are the Klingons and the Federation and I doubt that either of them will be a threat for much longer."

"James T Kirk."
"The one and only."
"Seventeen separate temporal violations - the biggest file on record."
"The man was a menace."

'Blood Games' Quote:
"Britannia is a mad place...I heard a tribune say that they paint themselves blue."
Scary Books

Death Valley 1x05 Review

Zombie Fights

John-John ends up on desk duty and discovers zombie fights online. I guess bumfights are so 2010. Carla and the newbie fail to bond. There's a hostage situation in a blood mobile. A UTF dude is in peril, the captain is weird and John-John learns his unloved dad is one of the zombies. This was okay. This show outdoes 'The Walking Dead' and it's on MTV. Shame on you 'Walking Dead', shame!

Best Line:
"I wish nothing but bad things on all of you. Drive safe."
Scary Books

The Bleak Old Shop of Stuff Ep 2 Review

Like the new Monica & Brandy song, this show is sort of a letdown. Jedrington thinks his wife is dead after throwing herself into the Thames in shame at being French. But she's not dead. She's lost her memory and hanging out with a crone. Victor escapes from St Nasty's School, Victoria is in peril and Jedrington's friend from the Christmas ep dies cursing him. Jedrington is sad all round.

The evil dude has an evil sidekick and they do maniacal laughter, Jedrington heads for the End-It-All Dock and his loyal servant tries to save the day. But has the evil dude's evil version of 'A Christmas Carol' doomed Mr Secret-Past? This was okay.

Best Lines:
"Pre-Raphaelite pervert!"

"Kind words don't butter parsnips."

"Poke the begger."

"Sod off obvious toff."

"Too late life-ruiner!"

"Back to sleeping on gravel then."
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Shrooms + King Kong

Shrooms (2006)
This was dreadful. A group of morons go to Ireland to do mushrooms in the cold, dank woods. They're vile brats, local inbreds lurk and so eating death's head fungi is a bad idea. But someone does and they trip and die. This was boring.

King Kong (1976)
WHY do they keep remaking this? Peter Jackson's version was terrible and this one is dumb. Idiots go looking for oil, one of them is Odo from 'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine' who has a bad perm. Jeff Bridges and his mullet sneaks on board.

Evil oil men glower, Bridges issues warnings and Jessica Lange shows up to wear booty shorts and display no acting talent. They land on Skull Island and prance around like idiots. They see a huge wall and annoy the natives.

Why do the natives leave out women for King Kong? Who knows, Lange is staked out for Kong and this dude in a bad suit shows up to roar. The evil oil men decide to steal Kong. The evil oil men run around the soundstage that does not look like an island and dig a trap for Kong.

Kong fights a rubber snake with teeth. This looks like an 80's tv show. Kong punches down the huge gate - why has he never done that before? He is drugged and somehow shipped to NY in an oil tanker. How did they get him off the island and onto an oil tanker? What is the natives reaction to Kong being stolen and their gate destroyed?

The acting is dire. Kong is displayed as a carnie act in NY and breaks free. Then he climbs up the World Trade Centre. Okay the whole climax is difficult to watch. The WTC setting cannot be watched knowing what became of it. Kong dies, Lange screams, Bridges shrugs. This was rubbish.

Best Lines:
"A bank of fog that doesn't change a wisp in 35 years."

"I'm not so sure that human feet have never walked the island before."

"They thought they needed a wall this size to keep it out."

"You're not in a hole, that's a footprint."
Scary Books

Homeland 1x06 Review

The Good Soldier

I am liking this show, it is better than 'Hawaii Five-0' which has let me down again. Anyway Carrie demands polygraphs. Why does she still have a job? She is smug, arrogant and deeply dislikeable.

Saul's wife who looks like a man leaves him. The necklace couple are on the run and bad things happen to them. Brody purses his lips. Walker's memorial is held and some snot makes a loud rude speech. Mike gets beat up and Jessica is useless. Carrie freaks and crosses some more lines. Brody looks smug. This was okay.

Best Line:
"How can you sit there listening to wailing cowboys when our lives are falling apart?"
Scary Books

Book Review: H.P. Lovecraft Omnibus 1 At The Mountains of Madness

More purple prosed horror.

At The Mountains of Madness
A trip to the Antarctic wastes goes wrong as our hero stumbles across a lost city, giant penguins, ancient astronauts and horrible horrors. This was okay but overly long.

The Case of Charles Dexter Ward
A young man becomes interested in an ancestor who trafficked in dark magic. This does not go well for him. This was good.

Best Line:
"I say to you againe, doe not call up Any that you cannot put downe."

The Dreams in the Witch-House
A moron moves into a boarding house and has bad dreams. For some reason he does not move out. This was dull and was made into a somewhat better ep of 'Masters of Horror'.

The Statement of Randolph Carter
A man tells of a trip under a graveyard. Short and good.

The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath
A man has a long, long vivid dream. This was okay.

Best Lines:
"That gray accursed rock which Inquanok's seamen shun, and from which vile howlings reverberate all through the night."

"It is not thought wholesome in Ulthar that merchants should trade with black ships from unknown places whose rowers cannot be seen."

"This man was reputed to trade with the horrible stone villages on the icy desert plateau of Leng, which no healthy folk visit and whose evil fires are seen at night from afar. He was even rumored to have dealt with that high-priest not to be described, which wears a yellow silken mask over its face and dwells all alone in a prehistoric stone monastrey."

The Silver Key
A man gets a key. But what does it unlock? Good.

Through The Gates of the Silver Key
There is a price to be paid for exploring weird alien geometry. Good.

Psych 5x12 Review

Dual Spires

Gus and the immatue, smug, thoughtless, obnoxious Shawn stumble into the very small town of Dual Spires in this wonderful 'Twin Peaks' homage. Gus and Shawn have to figure out who killed Paula Merral while dealing with the weird locals.

It guest stars such former 'Twin Peaks' alum as Dana Andrews (old and his acting still hasn't improved since 1990), Robyn Lively (she was in 'Twin Peaks'? I only recall her in 'Savannah'), Sheryl Lee, Sherilyn Fenn, Lenny Von Dohlen (seriously who?), the Log Lady and Ray Wise.

This had some funny moments: the owl and Log Lady moments had me laughing out loud. Naturally this town has a dark secret or two. This was good.

Homages I Spotted:
The choc bunny
The silent drapes joke
Dual Spires' newspaper is called The Great Northern
The Sawmill Diner
Dana Andrews plays Bob
Sheriff Andrew Jackson
Paula Merral is found dead, wrapped in plastic
Leo the cinnamon owl
Sad paino music
Excessive crying
Secret love tokens
Paula's diary
Deputy Frost whose only lines are bizarre
The bird
Cherry coke
The opening credits
Sheryl Lee plays Dr Donna Gooden
Randy dresses the way Bobby did in 1990.
A golf book by Earl Wyndam
Paula's mother is called Lucy
Julee Cruise sings
The arson
Paula's homecoming photo
The roadhouse
A giant
The jukebox and dancing
Jack has one eye
The Moose head

Best Lines:
"Folks decided a basic landline was fine with them."

"It's a little dramatic."

"Waiting for corpses to resurface is a passion in my life."

"We would lip synch to old records together."

"He crumbled like feta."

"What is it with all the secret relationships in this town? It's like 'General Hospital'."

"We were about to be wickermen."

"The Village was a ridiculous film. Those We Do Not Speak Of."

"Everyone looks so happy, yet so perplexed"

"Living in the same inlet town with no cars, cellphones or internet."

"The town gets together every thursday night to watch reruns of 'Everwood'."

Retro Review: Star Trek Deep Space Nine 3x11

Past Tense, Part 1
From 1995. The senior staff head to Earth in the Defiant. What if the Dominion attack? Once again, this is not adressed. A transporter accident strands Bashir, Dax and Sisko in 2024. Dax gets rescued by Chris Brynner (Jim Metzler) who thinks she has been mugged and so lives the high life. As for the black guy and the half Arab guy? They are mocked and stuffed into Sanctuary District A, a prison for homeless people.

Dax looks for her friends, Brynner does not even think that her friends could be in a Sanctuary district. The Sanctuary is full of the unemployed, the homeless and the mentally ill. Every major US city has one. But soon Sanctuary District A will erupt into the Bell Riots which will lead to major social reform.

Bashir and Sisko try to keep their heads down in the gritty violent slum that is the Sanctuary - 20 square miles holding 10,000 plus people. Meanwhile back on the Defiant, O'Brien mutters about "temporal energy". Dax hangs around the very Bill Gates/Steve Jobs like Brynner who owns an 'interface' business. The net is all touchscreens but nobody has a smartphone.

Bashir has to carry the idiot ball so Sisko can info dump about 21st century history. In the Bell Riots, hundreds will die and Gabriel Bell will become a national hero. Sisko and Bashir spew some more of the writers preachy agenda. Okay author avatars aside, this was very good. Also Bashir's line about how people would react if something bad happened to the Federation is now coming to pass in the books with the 'Destiny'/'Typhon Pact'/'Cold Equations' saga.

Kira wears a horrible rubber belt. Bashir and Sisko befriend Michael Webb (Bill Smithrovich) and there's talk of sea floor mining projects and riots in Europe. Dax wears a feather in her hair and asks why does the Sanctuary have a wall around it. Sisko and Bashir change history as Gabriel Bell is knifed by a violent nutter so Sisko pretends to be Bell.

On the Defiant, the crew notice the Federation Communication Satellites and Terraforming project on Venus have vanished and Romulan lifesigns are coming from Alpha Centauri. History has changed for the worse. Uh oh! Meanwhile back in 2024, the Bell Riots erupt.

What about the DTI? No-one mentions them. The production design for 2024 is wonderful. For Earth to become a utopia, it first had to go through hell. But if the Bell Riots led to social reform, weren't the third World War and Post Atomic Horror still to come? There was a great callback to this two-parter in a later ep 'Little Green Men' when Nog asked if anyone had heard of the Bell Riots and didn't Gabriel Bell look like Sisko. Very funny moment. This gritty two parter is a great look at a pivotal moment in history,

Best Lines:
"This is not the Earth we are used to."

"This ship is all that's left of Starfleet."

"I think I am making a political statement."