February 21st, 2012

Scary Books

The Bleak Old Shop of Stuff (2012) Ep 1 review

This is ep 1 of 3 after the Christmas special. However no plots from the Christmas special are carried over in this ep. Mr Secret-Past teams up with Harmswell Grimstone in a business deal. Grimstone is massively evil and more foul then the 'Jersey Shore' hot tub.

Mr Secret-Past is oblivious as his son is carried off to an evil boarding school, his daughter is locked up by a crazy governess and his wife is driven to suicide after being told all she is fit for is pretty simpering. This is okay and far less ludicrious then series 2 of 'Downton Abbey' especially that ep where almost everyone came down with Spanish Flu at a dinner party. There is a hilarious newspaper headline: 'Queen sadder and wider then ever'.

Best Lines:
"Delight the children! Hypnotise the cat! Fish-on-a-string!"

"I'm already drunk."
"The only way to be for any massive life decision."

"Contract may contain traces of evil."
Scary Books

Death Valley 1x04 Review

Two Girls, One Cop

The UTF are summoned to an adult movie set after an actor turns wolfman mid scene. Cue pervy leering, pervy jokes and some humour. Meanwhile the rookie checks other wolfmen are locked up for the full moon and has to chase an escaped one. Not as hilarious as previous eps but still amusing. This was okay.
Scary Books

Retro Review: Stargate Atlantis 2x08

Conversion

Colonel Sheppard (Joe Flanigan) is turning into a bug or something after he got scratched by a wraith in the previous ep. He only got scratched because for some reason he took his jacket off to fight the wraith. Also creator's pet Rodney whines.

Sheppard's mental and physical change is very rapid as he becomes aggressive and is caked in blue makeup. Teyla and Weir worry about him. Caldwell annoys and tries to steal Sheppard's job. I once liked this ep but in retrospect it is rather boring.

Carson, technobabble and some fake egg sacks save the day. Bug Sheppard gurns and in the ep's tag Sheppard is hot again. This show had so much promise in season 1 before it was all pissed away on replicators, Asgard, too much Rodney, Genii, Wraith and 'SG1' guest stars.

Best Lines:
"The last thing I want to do is sit on my mutating hands."

"My body's mutating into a bug. How are you?"
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Scary Books

Trailers!

'Psych' Quote:
"I'm in carnival jail."

~
'Revenge' 1x16 promo
Mmmmmm.

'The River' 1x04 promo
Mmmmmm.

'Project X' trailer
WTF is this about and why should I care?

'21 Jump Street' trailer
Mismatched cops as undercover high school students, it looks funny but will Hollywood stop trying to make Channing Tatum happen!
Scary Books

Retro Review: Mann and Machine (1992) 1x05

Five minutes in the future, cop Bobby Mann has a new partner Eve Edison (Yancy Butler of 'Witchblade') who is a robot. Only 9 eps were made.

Torch Song
The opening credits are cheesy and very, very 90s. Eve continues to be highly intelligent and emotionally childlike. Bobby continues to fancy her. Louise a singer wails and can't act. Her sister was murdered and she has a stalker. But she's so OTT, nobody but Eve believes her.

The singer is a nut, her stalker is nuttier and Eve saves the day. Bobby has a boring fishing subplot. Eve gets a dress up montage, Louise sings a torch song cover of 'Suspicious Minds', there is bad acting, Eve sports a side ponytail and this was dull and dreadful. The other 8 eps were better.

Best Line:
"Back on the airwaves after that last FCC raid!"
To Light The Way To Bed

Crooked House (2008) Review

This aired Christmas 2008 on BBC4. Yes I know after 'Being Human' and the horrid 'The Fades' I should know better. But I watched it and I really liked it. It helped that it was written by Mark Gatiss of 'Sherlock'.

Ben finds an antique door knocker in his garden. A museum curator (Gattis) tells him it came from the demolished Geap Manor. A sinister old place which seemed to attract...unpleasantness. The curator tells Ben two tales from Geap Manor's past.

One is from 1786 in which everyone prances around looking like extras from 'Garrow's Law'. A businessman is a git and henchdeals. He has bought Geap Manor and weird noises emerge from the wainscots. Unpleasantness takes place.

The next tale is from 1927, at a party in Geap Manor Felix announces his intent to marry the wet Ruth. A nasty flapper pouts, Lady Constance (Jean Marsh) worries and a ghostly bride lurks.

After hearing these tales and how Geap's original owner Sir Roger and his pet necromancer Dr Unthank set the whole thing in motion back in Tudor times, what does Ben do? He goes home and puts the knocker on his front door.

Then he starts seeing things, among them visions of Sir Roger (Derren Brown) and there is a nasty twist ending. This was good, poor ferret faced Ben. This was better than ITV's 'Marchlands' and that dreadful BBC2 mangling of 'Whistle and I'll Come To You'.