January 8th, 2012

Scary Books

Quotes and Stuff

'Dodgeball' Quote:
"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."

Watched Syed and Christian get back together on 'Eastenders'. Aaaawwwwwww.

'The One Lenny Henry' Quotes:
"Britain's got rioters."

"Why haven't we seen this handsome dude since the 80's when he used to broadcast from the centre of the civilised world. The shed on the roof of his tower block in Brixton. Well the first little hiccup was this. They knocked it down."
Scary Books

Movie Review: Big Trouble In Little China (1986)

The stupid Jack (Kurt Russell) assists his over acting friend Wang to rescue his girlfriend from Lo Pan, an evil wizard. This was cheesy with bad sfx. Jack gets his own girlfriend Gracie Law (Kim Cattrall) and promptly walks out on her, idiot.

The women in this film are damsels in distress to be married by Lo Pan to break a stupid curse. There are rubber monsters, Gracie wears a peacock head-dress and it's all such boring hokum.

Best Lines:
"Chinese have a lot of hells."

"The most dangerous cut throat den of mad men in Chinatown."

"We may be trapped."

"What'll come out no more?"

"A knife? This guy's 12 feet tall!"
Scary Books

Angel & Faith Issue 5 Reviewed

In Perfect Harmony

Where are Gunn, Lorne, Connor and Illyria? Why is Angel so obsessed with bringing Giles back to life? Giles was a dick. Harmony and Clem show up to annoy. Why has no-one killed them yet? Harmony is being blackmailed and wants Angel to help her.

Are Wolfram & Hart still around? Why is Harmony so popular? Why is the art so ugly? Why does everyone know about Angel being Twilight? Was Harmony supposed to be chatting up David Tennant?

After four good issues, this is a vapid tale about two characters I never cared for. This was silly.

Best Line:
"I love that I'm supposed to be the slutty one when everyone but me has nailed Spike."
Scary Books

The Cape (2011) Review, Part 1

Greasy looking cop Vince Faraday bonds with his noxious kid and ignores his wife. Then he heads off for work hoping to catch masked killer Chess who runs around Palm City killing people. The police chief (Eric Pierpont of 'Alien Nation') is killed by Chess before the cheesy opening credits roll. So the police force is taken over by the Ark Corporation run by Peter Fleming (James Frain of 'The Tudors' and 'True Blood').

Vince is betrayed by best friend and learns that Peter is Chess. Peter frames Vince for being Chess and everyone thinks Vince was blown up. Vince's horrible brat son whines cos daddy won't read his 'The Cape' comics to him anymore. There are bad child actors and there are BAD child actors. This one is BAD.

Vince is saved by the carnival of crime who gift him a 'magic' cape and train him to be a superhero so he can get his revenge. Vince cares only for his kid and ignores the fact his wife exists. Vince brawls with a midget and a raccoon robs a bank. Already this is better than later seasons of 'Heroes' or 'No Ordinary Family'.

Chess has a minion named Scales (Vinnie Jones) who wears a cheap suit and shouts a lot. Vince and Scales brawl. The football hooligan Scales wins. Vince meets the blogger Orwell (Summer Glau) and they team up to bring down the deranged Peter Fleming and his fetish outfit. This was okay camp fun. It has comic book baddies, a charisma void hero, a bank robbing raccoon, an angry midget and the most horrible child actor. Which is why it only lasted nine more eps. But it had promise.

Best Lines:
"You're the one wearing long underwear and a cape."

"The yellow brick road is that way."

“You have one move left: run.”

“I’ll find out who you are. I’ll find out who you love. I will make them scream.”

"Say hello to Dorothy bitch."

The bratty son hangs out on a fake looking roof being rude to his mother. Peter wants to take over the city jails but the Secretary of Prisons (Richard Schiff) stands in his way. So Peter hires serial poisoner Cain to rid himself of the obstacle.

Orwell drives around in a fancy car. Vince continues to be an inept superhero and is subjected to Max's idea of poison treatment. It turns out Max was in the military, his wife Dana has changed her hair style and there is a lot of shouting. Dana gets a job, no thanks to her snotty kid. Will the brat shut up? Why is Dana letting her son run the family?

Vince creates his own mask from Chess' one. Vince is going nuts as his big plan to bring down Peter is moving with the speed of a Special Olympic hurdler. Orwell informs Vince that Cain is part of a big crime group called Tarot.

Dana works as a lawyer - it's sort of like 'The Good Wife'. Vince builds a lair. Orwell and Vince fight the evil Frenchie Cain. This was okay but why does nobody just shoot Peter Fleming?

Best Lines:
"Hurry up Borat!

"Somebody slipped this under my door this morning. Something tells me this is not a good thing."

“You are a psychopath.”
“People in glass houses.”
“Get thrown out windows.”

“Did you really think that I would let you get this close to me unless I wanted you to?”