December 15th, 2011

Scary Books

Bones 2x17 Review

The Priest In The Churchyard

A broken water main floods a graveyard and the bones of a murder victim are revealed. Brennan is smug, an elderly priest annoys and the murderer is obvious from their first appearance. Angela is inappropriate. Stephen Fry does his smug jolly overacting stuff. There is also grave-robbing. This was okay.
Scary Books

1999 + 2000 Tape Tales

Cleared out two tape. First tape was from 1999. It began with the final ever 'Due South' ep 'Call of the Wild part 2' in which Vecchio's underwhelming return goes on. The big bad is a large ham non-event. Frannie ignores her brother. Stan and Fraser get way too much screen time. Various characters from previous eps return. Vecchio hooks up with Stan's sloppy seconds Stella. This was boring and not interesting. Thatcher is pathetic some more. There is an OTT gunfight and Fraser's ghost mother shows up. @@. Then there is a narration that explains what became of the characters, which is just dumb and insulting.

Best Line:
"Nothing in the way of a bath here...just go outside and roll around in the snow."

Then came a 'Star Trek: Voyager' ep 'Drone' in which a spontaneous proto-nebula and yet another fraking transporter malfunction meld some of Seven's nanoprobes, the Doctor's 29th century mobile emitter and an unfortunate Ensign's tissue sample into a new Borg drone. Seven is ordered to raise the Borg fetus. I will admit the sight of a Borg fetus is a truly Lovecraftian creepy sight. The Ensign gets no reaction to any of this. The Doctor is smug and whiny. Why did no-one notice the Borg tech in the science lab? The fully grown drone stumbles around and then the Borg show up to transfer custody. Drone dies. Seven is sad. This could have been better. Janeway was dim and why did the drone have blinking lights like an Ibiza nightclub?

Best Lines:
"I thought you said this was a fetus?"
"An hour ago it was."

Then came a season 2 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' ep 'Becoming part 1' in which Angelus decides to end the world for no clear reason. Snyder sneers. We get unending flashbacks to Angel's past. Spike lingers. Buffy finally finds the bloody floppy disc. Willow babbles. Kendra shows up. Xander is hateful. A vampire burns up in a classroom and the police do not show up. Kendra dies. This was BORING. Then came a boring 'Martial Law' ep 'Trackdown' in which Andrew Divoff of 'Lost' was the baddie o'the week. Kelly Hu does nothing. A truck is worked and some goob annoys.

We come to the 2000 tape. First up is a season 1 'Angel' ep 'She' where Wesley is a prat. Bai Ling shows off her terrible acting. Demons with silly make up run around and it is all crap. Then came a season 3 'Xena Warrior Princess' ep 'The Debt, part 2' in which Gabrielle yaps. Ming Tien whines. Lao Ma is dead. There are endless flashbacks to Xena's past in Chin and endless pointless fights. Ming Tien is dispatched with a hairpin. He never mentions his half sisters who would show up in season 6. Yawn.

Then we a season 1 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' ep 'I Robot, You Jane' in which Jenny Calender annoys. Willow gets an internet boyfriend who is really a demon who is grooming her. Buffy wears a cute shirt with a cat print on it. There is really out-dated computer tech and no-one wonders why the library is full of occult books. Jenny is a technopagan, no other ones have ever been seen again. The demon gets a robot body and lumbers around looking DUMB. Today this ep would get this show canceled. Xander, Willow and Buffy brood on their crappy love lives.

Finally there was a season 1 'Earth Final Conflict' ep 'Sandoval's Run' in which Sandoval's CVI breaks down freeing him from Taelon mind control. Sandoval runs off to find his wife and be free. No-one helps him, no-one at all. Boone clenches his jaw and is really unhelpful. Sandoval reunites with his wife. Lili is a prat. Seriously TPTB would later turn Sandoval into a panto villain, but after the way he is treated by the 'heroes' in this ep. Well they all deserved to die. Dr Belman is a screeching harridan, Doors is a dick and there is bad acting all round. Poor disheveled Sandoval is dragged back and given a new CVI. This wasn't as good as I recalled.

Best Lines:
"You're still thinking like an implant."

"It's like he's almost human again. There's actually somebody home up there."
Scary Books

Trailers & Books

'Black Mirror ep 3' trailer

'Bag of Bones' trailer
One of Stephen King's lesser works has been made into what looks like a crappy miniseries.

'Rock of Ages' trailer
This looks crap: "This man spews out three things."

'Men In Black 3' trailer
Tommy Lee Jones looks bored. Alien graffiti talks. K is up to something and then dead. Will Smith large hams. J travels back in time. Josh Brolin is the young K. I'm still not caring.

After the awfulness that were 'Fury' and 'Nevermore', I will not be reading 'Cryer's Cross'. I do wish to read 'The Drowning Girl', 'Ruby Red', 'Spellbound', 'Rotters', 'Black Wings of Cthulhu', 'That Which Divides', 'Storming Heaven', 'The Pledge', 'The Web Weaver', 'The Twilight of Lake Woebegotten', 'Rules of Engagment' and 'A Flame in Byzantium'. I also plan to watch 'Needle'.

Book Reviews: Magebane + A Thief In The Night

Magebane by Lee Arthur Chane

Chane is the pen-name of Edward Willett who wrote the wonderful 'Marseguro'. This is a good fantasy novel. In the kingdom of Evrenfels, the evil mage Lord Falk is plotting. Lord Falk plans to kill the heir to the kingdom, become king and destroy the Great Barrier that surrounds Evrenfels.

The Great Barrier has cut Evrenfels off from the rest of the world for 800 years after the Commoners rose up against the MageLords. Evrenfels was the MageLords bolthole. But there is one thing Falk never saw coming: an airship from the lands beyond sails over the Great Barrier.

In the lands beyond, MageLords and magic are but legend and an industrial revolution is underway. A culture clash of epic proportions is about to ensue. This is enjoyable with plenty of boo-hiss villlains, rants about social reform, a heroic prince, a maiden, a wicked witch and a fun romp all round.

A Thief In The Night by E.W. Hornung, part 1

This is another collection of tales about Raffles: cricket playing safe cracking blighter.

Out Of Paradise
Bunny gets moralising as Raffles exploits him to break into a house. Raffles ruins Bunny's chances with a love interest, Bunny whines. This is one long boring Bunny whine.

The Chest Of Silver
While Raffles goes on a trip to get away from the Albany where people are talking about him, Bunny takes care of a chest of stolen silver. This is okay.

The Rest Cure
Raffles and Bunny break into some guy's house to hang out for a rest cure. Then the homeowner arrives home early and finds Bunny wearing one of his wife's dresses. This is okay.

The Criminologists' Club
Bunny and Raffles are invited to dinner by a club whose members suspect Raffles of being the Swell Mobsman. This is okay.

The Field of Phillipi
Raffles and Bunny head back to their old school for Founder's Day and run into a mean old git classmate of Raffles. This was good.

Best Line:
"I had too much self respect and too little respect for Raffles, ever to be his friend."

A Bad Night
Bunny does a solo crib cracking. It does not go well. This was good.

to be continued