December 5th, 2011

Scary Books

Various Things

Forthcoming are reviews for '2012' and 'The Proposal'.

'The Dark Storm' was one of the most badly written, plain terrible books I've ever read. 'Fury' by Elizabeth Miles was a huge let down.

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'Easy A' Quote:
"If there's one thing worse than chlamydia, it's Florida."

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'The Darkest Hour'
trailer
Aliens invade in Moscow. Isn't this a 'Skyline' ripoff? Looks okay.

'Alcatraz' trailer
I'm not feeling this show.

'John Carter' trailer
Disney does Mars. And it's full of Jar Jar and 'Avatar' rip offs and looks crap. MAKE IT GO AWAY!

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Made peppermint candy cupcakes. They're nice.

Lady Gaga's 'Marry The Night' video is cracked.

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'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'
Quote:
"I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to."

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Anne MCaffrey is dead. RIP. But forget Pern, I love her 'The Planet Pirates' trilogy. One word: Thek.

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'Fever Dream' Quotes:
"I keep telling you, that guy's not all there."
"I admit, he has his ways."

"He is my friend, even if he shows it in weird ways."


'Jawbreaker' Quotes:
"Smile pretty Courtney."

"This is high school...what is a friend anyway?"
Scary Books

Sanctuary 3x02 Review

Firewall

I have corrosive resentment for this show. Henry and Will annoy. Magnus and her mush mouth annoys. Declan lurks. Kate talks. This was boring and full of padding. Magnus removes Big Bertha's agency.

Magnus is so smug, a legend in her own little mind. Dudes in white chase Will. There's weird stuff with Will and Magnus' dad. It all leads up to a hologram of a city with airships and steam trains, okay that is interesting but you just know TPTB will screw it up. I feel only mild disinterest and apathy for this show now.
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Scary Books

Ringer 1x10 Review

That's What You Get For Trying To Kill Me

Bridget and Andrew get it on. Siobhan plays Tyler. What is she up to with him? Charlie aka John is an ex-cop and he's bad. Mary (Amber Benson) a stripper friend of Bridget's is killed because of Victor.

Henry is a tool. Victor tracks down the cop Macwi has bought. Juliet wears clubbing clothes to school and something may or may not have happened between her and Mr C. Is this a 'Wild Things' ripoff I detect?

Andrew and Bridget try to save Gemma from Charlie/John but are foiled by Henry the tool whose head is full of air bunnies. Siobhan returns to the USA. How, she has no money? What does she want Bridget to take the fall for? What became of Malcolm's job? Is Gemma dead? This was good, a real upswing in quality. Victor is finally interesting and not smug. Charlie/John's creeper ass is gone and I will keep watching.

Best Lines:
"She's my friend."
"Yeah, I'd hate to see how you treat your enemies."

"You're a glorified babysitter who got way too expensive."
Scary Books

Chase 1x15 Review

Seven Years

There is a prison escape via laundry van, that wasn't tried on 'Prison Break'. Daisy is arrested for a DUI because she is dumb. Why did Annie go from the Air Force Academy to the US Marshals? The perp of the week is Bottner who must have seen 'The Fugitive' one time too many as he bullies damaged people into proving his innocence.

He somehow gets away with it in this stupid, stupid, stupid ep. This was full of bad acting and Annie being rude and a bully again and everyone missing the obvious baddie. Yawn.
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Deuce Bigalow + Chameleon II: Death Match

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999)
Rob Schneider is an evil thing that has tormented cinema goers for years. This is crass, sexist and vulgar and I do not care. I just do not care. Deuce (Schneider) is a loser who gets a job minding the fish tank of Antoine (Oded Fehr). Naturally Deuce wrecks the $6000 fish tank and becomes a man-ho to pay to replace it. This was unfunny and he deals with a pimp, a customer nick named Jabba The Slut and a deranged cop (William Forsythe) tries to bust him. This was just terrible.

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Chameleon II: Death Match (2000)
In 2159, a unified corporation rules the USA. Prosperity and crime are way up and the IBI fights crime. One IBI member is Kam who is 98% human and 2% animal. She has no fear or concern for morality which she demonstrates by pulling faces. Now she and a new partner must deal with a hostage situation. So Kam pulls more faces, there is bad blue screen and it looks cheap and early 90's. This was dumb and boring.
To Light The Way To Bed

Angel & Faith Issue 4 Reviewed

Live Through This, Part Four

The camp annoying demon hybrids bore. Angel and Faith learn about the side effects of demon blood. Whistler plots with the demon hybrids and Faith has secrets. This was okay.
Raffles&Bunny

Book Review: Horrors Beyond

Horrors Beyond: Tales of Terrifying Realities edited by William Jones

The Eyes of Howard Curlix

A tabloid reporter is told a terrifying tale by a scientist. Very good.

Best Line:
"Would you, he asked, like to know of the connection between theoretical physics and an ancient, banned witch-book out of the 12th century?"

The Breach
A college science project has terrible consequences. This is intriguing and has novel potential.

Experiencing The Other
A UFO nut wants to look at a woman's ranch, where something from the stars planted itself long ago. Excellent and creepy.

Best Line:
"Assuming The Ones Who Come thought at all. She wasn't even sure what they thought with."

A Little Color In Your Cheeks
A sequel to Lovecraft's 'The Color Out Of Space' and focuses on the reservoir that was built over the blasted heath. Okay.

One Way Conversation
A scientist uncovers messages in tachyon's are being sent back in time. They're a warning. But the warning is not heeded. Okay.

The Hades Projection
NASA sent a mission to Persephone which has gone wrong. What you've never heard of the planet Persephone? Wonder why? Good.

False Containment
A corporation invents the perfect waste disposal or so they claim. Okay.

VuuDuu
Imagine a world where an itunes expy has taken over the world. Okay.

Cahokia
Marines find something, good.

The Name of the Enemy
In the far future, humans wage war against a fearsome enemy. Good.
Scary Books

2002 Tape Tale

Cleared out a tape from 2002, the tracking was terrible and the picture was so bad I wasn't sure what was going on.

First up was an 'Andromeda' ep 'Home Fires' in which Dylan is his usual smug jerk self and he meets the genetic reincarnation of a dead character. Had promise but the obnoxious Dylan grates. Then came the season 6 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' ep 'Villains' in which Tara is dead and none of her unobservant friends notice. Willow goes bad and overacts. Xander is stupid. Andrew wallows in his badness but would get away scott free with everything. Warren is a terrible baddie and Willow kills him. Spike does boring stuff, this was utter crap.

Then came the season 3 'Angel' ep 'Double or Nothing' in which it turns out Gunn sold his soul for a truck 7 years ago. Angel broods. Cordelia is back to annoy and Wesley lurks. Are we supposed to be sorry for him? Because he brought it all on himself. Then came the season 4 'Charmed' ep 'We're off to See The Wizard' in which the Cole-is-The-Source plotline drags on. Nobody tries to help him. Paige annoys. Phoebe is pregnant, that wonderful plot line was swiftly dumped. A wizard (who was Quark on 'DS9' and Snyder on 'Buffy') lurks. There is too much talking. Phoebe had a thought, did it hurt?. There is overacting, Phoebe goes evil and she and Cole are crowned rulers of the underworld. This was boring. Why did I tape this stuff?!?!
To Light The Way To Bed

Movie Review: Dead & Buried (1981)

Potter's Bluff is a small, rotting seaside town where a gang of townsfolk stalk tourists, hitch-hikers and the lost and kill them in violent ways. A photographer learns this the hard way when he talks to a pretty girl (Lisa Blount of 'Profit') and fails to notice the murder posse creeping up on him.

Dan the local Sheriff is baffled by the deaths but is cheered by his hick friend (Robert Englund). Dan seems not to notice that Potter's Bluff is murky and that his 'friends' are cold and not present. The town mortician Dobbs is a right weirdo, Dan's wife is a liar and when Dan finally notices the miasma of decay that hangs over his town it is far, far too late.

When dead people show up alive again, Dan is suitably depressed and does confused face rubbing. The fog machine is cranked into over-drive and things get creepy. The ending is full blown weirdness as the horrific secret of Potter's Bluff is laid bare. This is enjoyable. The re-editing and studio ordered gore scenes are obvious but it is creepy and the ending is wonderfully bleak.

Best Lines:
"Just kills off the tourist trade."
"I didn't know we had a tourist trade."
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