November 22nd, 2011

Scary Books

Trailers & Stuff

'The Hunger Games' trailer
What's with the Lady Gaga outfits? Donald Sutherland! Bread and circuses. Looks good.

'Mirror, Mirror' trailer
ANOTHER Snow White film? Looks cruddy.

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'Happy Endings' Quotes:
"Why are two kids kissing in a graveyard?"
"I don't know. Maybe they're really big 'Twilight' fans."


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So is 'White Collar' a rip off of 1968-1971 Robert Wagner tv show 'It Takes A Thief'?

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'Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure' Quote:
"How's it goin' Old West dude?"

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'Friday Night Lights' Quote:
"I work at Planned Parenthood. You probably haven't seen the last of me."

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Books I won't be reviewing: 'House of Silk', 'Triumph of the Walking Dead' and 'The King in Yellow'.

TV show I may review: 'Homeland'.

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'The Phantom of the Opera' Quote:
"If you need me I shall be in Australia."

'The Simpsons' Quote:
"We can wear those to the nice mall."

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I am reading 'Bedbugs' by Ben H Winters.
Scary Books

Terra Nova 1x07 Review

Proof

The 11th Pilgrimage is due soon. If Terra Nova can't contact the future, then how do they know that? Mira (who was in the 'Doctor Who' ep 'The Long Game')does not appear. Elizabeth is neglectful and stupid. Zoe brats, Josh whines and Maddie is ignored. Jim goes fishing, how can they eat stuff from 85 million BC anyway?

The Sixers ask Josh to steal medicine and he does, cos he is a thug tool. This was offensively boring. Since when has there been a beach? Where did they get the fishing gear or the apple trees? Maddie annoys and there are CGI beetles. Taylor tracks down the dude he exiled in 'Bylaw' and makes a deal.

How do they have glass windows and hologram IDs? How do they manufacture medicine? Jim's dumb, Maddie obsesses over Horton, a old scientist. Malcolm cuts someone's funding, how is there funding to cut?!? Taylor waves a big knife. This world is not real. Where do they get clothes? What are the sanitation arrangements? How do they have water?

Taylor has an agenda. Maddie needs to shut up. The people in Terra Nova are so full of crap, they need toilet brushes to clean their ears. Is this show actually a really subtle metaphor about capitalistic coercion and cyclic futility?

Scofflaw punkass jackass Josh confesses. Taylor looks constipated. This show fills me with huge resentment. The characters are all flat and the initial promise has been traduced. The characters are cretinous automatons and/or furious bullies. I thought this would be better, I'm tired of glass eyed dumbos with limited conversation skills with fists for brains doing dumb crap every single ep. Are they meant to be backward? Why do the Sixers have such screaming hate for Taylor? Why is Josh such an unwashed screaming thug? Why is Jim so inane? I remember how in 2010 'The Event' had a brilliant start and pissed it all away. Therefore 'Terra Nova' is 'The Event' of 2011.
To Light The Way To Bed

The Secret Circle 1x08 Review

Beneath

Cassie's dumb and Jake annoys. Since when has iron and sulphur blocked magic? Why is anyone listening to Jake? Why don't they do spells? Granny Jane is AWOL. Everyone decides to go on a road trip. Witch hunters lurk. Jake's murderous thug threats are undercut by the fact he cannot act.

Don't these kids ever go to school? Cassie bores, she is the Riley Finn of this show. Faye sees things. Testosterone jacked up ape Jake shows off his virility, only Cassie cares. This was AWFUL, AWFUL, AWFUL. Charles is going crazy.

Who was John Blackwell and what did he do? Adam and Diana have a quickie but he still won't stop mooning over Cassie. So he's still dumped. Why didn't Amelia's spirit linger after her death?
Scary Books

Fringe 4x06 Reviewed

And Those We've Left Behind

Walter of the questionable morals and distrust of soap products is a jackass. Olivia and co are pod people. They have no interest in Peter and are rude. There are time slips and a rip off of 'White Tulip' in this ep.

Where is Walternate? Seriously, where is Walternate?!?! Lincoln Lee annoys and takes up space. A man built a time machine in his garage to fix his sick wife. Walter builds a 'faraday cage' that is not a faraday cage. Who cares about Lincoln Lee and his stupid tunnel subplot? There is bad bad acting in this stupid, stupid, stupid ep.

Peter looks around at the gang of jerks that populate season 4 and decides he's in the wrong universe. I haven't seen anything this bad since 'The Hangover'.

Best Line:
"He is a Fringe event."
Richard/Lost

Ringer 1x08 Review

Maybe We Can Get A Dog Instead

Bridget's non-pregnancy is revealed. She lies to cover her ass. Andrew's slutty partner sluts. Why did Siobhan steal transfer documents with Andrew's name on them? What happened to Andrew and Bridget moving to the torture-porn loft?

Malcolm shows up. Bridget lies some more. Juliet is wildly inappropriate and hits on Mr C. Andrew broods in well lit profile. Malcolm throws sobriety out the window. This was dull. Siobhan is just boring, she needs to run off and guard her pot o'gold. How was Victor allowed to lurk during an AA meeting?

Bridget wears tennis ball sized earrings, Henry is gross, Andrew is snotty and Victor is so smug, he needs a punch in the face. Siobhan's sugar daddy Tyler meets Bridget. Yet again Bridget makes a bad decision, Andrew better nail the furniture to the floor.

Best Lines:
"I sort of threw Bridget under the bus."

"Rich girl's daddy probably pays someone to read to her every night."
"He tried to hire your mom but she couldn't handle the big words."

"If you really want to stay hidden, don't pay for your motel with a credit card."
Scary Books

Book Reviews: All Clear +Working Stiff +Alison Hewitt Is Trapped

All Clear by Connie Willis
The deeply disappointing follow up to 'Blackout'. This is boring with idiots running around doing the same thing over and over and over again. One time traveling historian is a moron who never listens. Two horrible kids misbehave, steal and are shoe-horned into the plot.

The question of whether time traveling historians can change the past is answered in trite fashion and the ending is an utter sappy mess. This was a letdown of stellar proportions.

Best Line:
"We proceeded to wander through history...gawking at wars and disasters and cathedrals, with no thought of the consequences of what we were doing."

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Working Stiff by Rachel Caine
The 1st in the new 'Revivalist' series after the 'Weather Warden' series came to a letdown ending in 'Total Eclipse'. This book is bad and obviously written to a formula. It's even worse than Caine's 'Morganville Vampires' series.

Bryn goes to work in a mortuary and ends up being turned into a zombie because she's an idiot. Every other character in this book is a jerk but the chief jerk ends up as Bryn's love interest because, hey, that's how this crap rolls.

This is boring and there's a scene when Bryn moons over new clothes and a fast car AFTER BEING BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD AS A ZOMBIE SLAVE AFTER SHE WAS BTK-ED TO DEATH. Nobody ever talks to each other and there is a plethora of subplots to set up future books like Bryn's endless stream of moron siblings. This is awful with a cartoon baddie and plot contrivances galore.

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Allison Hewitt is Trapped by Madeleine Roux
The dead walk! And Allison Hewitt is trapped in a bookstore breakroom and blogging about it. She blogs all: the food situation, toilet arrangements when there is no running water, her trusty fire axe, a zombie squirrel, betrayal, an end of the world cult (but of course) and survival. This is very good (how does she keep her laptop charged BTW?) and I'm so reading the follow up 'Sadie Walker is Stranded'.
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Scary Books

Book Review: Mysteries of the Diogenes Club

Mysteries of the Diogenes Club by Kim Newman
A collection of short stories about the Diogenes Club (founded by Mycroft Holmes, brother of Sherlock) which protects England from occult menaces. It's a more populated, more competent Torchwood. There have been two previous Diogenes books which I haven't read, but I'd like to.

Sorcerer Conjurer Wizard Witch
It's 'Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy' with magic. It is alleged that there is a traitor among the four magical guardians of London. Which is a problem, because without them England will fall. This was very good.

Kentish Glory: The Secrets of Drearcliff Grange School
Amy is sent to a boarding school that makes St Trinians look like a nunnery. She deals with bullies, kidnappers, magic and founds a secret society. It's all jolly good fun.

Moon Moon Moon
The untold story of what was going on just before the first moon landing. Good.

Organ Donors
A woman goes to work for a TV station and uncovers nefarious goings on. Okay.

Seven Stars
A cursed jewel creates problems for the Diogenes Club from 1897 to 2025. This is okay but the 2025 segment is a bit stupid.

Best Lines:
"There's a curse, you see."
"Of course there is."