November 5th, 2011

Scary Books

Movie Review: Bring It On In It To Win It (2007)

The original 'Bring it On' was a horrible laugh free mess and this is equally horrible, equally laugh free and just as dull. It centres on two rival squads, the Sharks and the Jets, who compete at cheer camp. Rival cheerleaders Carson (blonde 4 foot nothing) and Penn (Felix from 'One Tree Hill') fall for each other. Only they are torn apart by idiot dialogue, bimbo team mates and the moronic plot. This was dull.

Best Lines:
"My granny can jump higher than that! From her grave!"

"Cheer rumble!"


Scary Books

Trailers and Stuff

'The Simpsons' Quotes:
"I'm not responsible for a horrible tragedy and I didn't do anything wrong by fleeing the scene and not reporting it and killing that hobo with the big mouth. I might have imagined that last part."

So 'Alcatraz' is being re-shot. Oh dear, another 'Six Degrees' then.

My holiday was good.

Had some glorious sour candy named 'Now & Later'.

'Fertile Ground' trailer
Nate goes crazy while his wife cowers. Maybe.

'Prowl' trailer
Morons hitchhike and bad stuff happens. No.

'The Task' trailer
A taste free reality show at a prison goes awry. This looks dumb beyond belief.
Raffles&Bunny

Book Review: The Best Horror of The Year Volume Three, Part 1

The Best Horror of the Year Volume Three edited by Ellen Datlow
I'm half way through and this is weak nowhere near as good as volume two or even volume one.

At The Riding School
A vet is summoned to a riding school due to a problem. Weird, unscary and not good.

Mr Pigsny
A gangster dies and a weird little man runs around. Plus there are slugs. I have no idea what was going on here.

City of the Dog
An idiot learns his slutty girlfriend has been carried off by monsters, or something. Dull.

Just Outside Our Windows, Deep Inside Our Walls
A boy can redraw reality. Yawn.

Lesser Demons
A Sheriff deals with the Lovecraftian horrors that have overrun his town. Okay.

Best Lines:
Down in the cemetery, the children were laughing.
They had another box open.


When the Zombies Win
The zombies win. Short and bleak and already published in 'The Living Dead 2'.

-30-
Two researchers are in the bleak wilderness where decades ago a cult did foul deeds. Weird stuff happens. Good.

Fallen Boys
A school trip to a mine goes awry. Mediocre.

to be continued
Scary Books

The Vampire Diaries 2x21 Reviewed

The Sun Also Rises
I haven't watched this crud since 2x10 so I've no idea what is going on here. Katherine annoys, Jenna is a vampire, Klaus is unscary, someone named Greta waves her hands around and Elena is still ineffective and whiny. Caroline is selfish and dumb and in general, people are useless.

John whines, Klaus who is some Eastend hoodrat twit waves the moonstone around and people sit on their asses doing nothing. Jeremy and Bonnie yak. Elijah and Alaric sit on their asses. Elijah switches sides so many times, he seems caught in a revolving door.

There is too much chat in this ep. Matt waves a rifle. The ritual is a whole lot of nothing. People sit around like slack jawed idiots and let Klaus become a hybrid. That's it? That's the big deal? A werewolf/vampire hybrid? Didn't 'Underworld' do this already?

Jeremy won't shut up. Matt wails about his absentee mom, who he threw out of her own house. Bonnie annoys. Two characters die in a flurry of bad bad acting. WTF is this doppelganger crap all about? There is dramatic pointing by Bonnie. And it is always ALL ABOUT ELENA isn't it? This was awful awful awful stuff.

Scary Books

Ringer 1x06 Reviewed

The Poor Kids Do It Everyday
Henry scrubs blood off his walls and acts like a tool. Where are his and Gemma's twins anyway? He has no concern for his possibly dead wife. Juliet dresses like a ho as she goes to some public high school. Her teacher is played by Jason Dohring (of 'Moonlight' and 'Veronica Mars'). Meanwhile Bridget is tempted by Juliet's stash.

Siobhan wanted Gemma and Andrew dead. WTF is her game? I can't figure her or Siobhan out and Sarah Michelle Gellar's blank acting isn't helping. There is some bad dubbing. Victor lurks and he is a bad one, I just know it. Juliet is a snot and Bridget makes clever use of her finger prints. This was okay but 'Hidden Palms' moved faster than this.

Best Lines:
"There now you and you family can eat for a whole month."

"Teach away."


Raffles&Bunny

Raffles (1977) Review, Part 2

"Isn't it a rather vulgar sort of theft?"
"Yes, vulgar and not fit for a gentleman, but I can't help that. We're vulgarly hard up."


The Spoils of Sacrilege
Bunny oils Raffles' bats, runs errands for him, fetches and carries for him. Bunny whines that he never gets to do anything fun in the thieving department. Raffles points out that he is the one talented at cracking cribs and sort of implies that Bunny is gormless. So he and Bunny go to the Turkish baths where Bunny holds Raffles ashtray for him. Their banter is hilarious.

Bunny comes up with a plan to rob his old country home. The duo creep around Bunny's old home in evening dress, top hats and masks. Bunny's in charge of the theft which leads to the duo being chased by drunken fox hunters. Raffles abseils down a lightening conductor, still in full evening dress. Bunny accepts Raffles is the dominant one in their partnership. This was okay, Raffles has a nasty streak and this is so very homoerotic.

Best Lines:
"You want to do more of the burgling?"

"I was talking to you."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Was it interesting?"

"Why should I want to do that?"
"Because you're a burglar."

"We did agree masks."
"Right."
"Since your face is known in the neighbourhood and mine is not entirely unknown to readers of newspapers."

"There haven't got a cricket team in Wormwood Scrubs."

"There isn't any uproar."
"No, strange."
"Very."


The Gold Cup
Raffles and Bunny steal a gold cup that once belonged to King Henry VIII while wearing fake beards and using a bath chair. They smirk and sneak home via Baker Street. It is revealed that it is 1897. Afterwards the duo pose in evening dress under a tree, sharing an umbrella to shelter from the rain, then they get invited to dinner.

But their hosts are a judge, a barrister and a crime writer etc and they suspect Raffles is the burglar nicknamed the "Swell Mobsman". The hosts (who could all eat apples through a fence) are unsubtle in their suspicions but are forced to eat crow after Raffles diverts their suspicions via another burglary. This was good, Bunny is so in awe of his pal, it's sweet.

Best Lines:
"What do you do?"
"Nothing."

"A middle-aged man of blaggardly appearance and criminal type. Hits you off rather neatly wouldn't you say Bunny?"

"Wouldn't you say that this was fun?"


Chest of Silver
Raffles heads off to Scotland while his rooms are fitted for the new electric light and a telephone. Bunny has to hide Raffles' stash of cash and silver in his bank vault. A sarcastic banker worker is mean to Bunny and Mackenzie of the Yard shows up to search Raffles' abode. Mackenize is played by a different actor than in the pilot ep.

Bunny's bank is robbed, there is a twist and the duo (who are such a couple) sit around basking in how clever Raffles is. There is a sarcastic porter and the Raffles/Bunny comic banter is brilliant. I think 'Highlander: The Raven' was aiming for this, but never quite made it.

Best Lines:
"I would find it terribly embarrassing to explain the rather large sums of hard cash which do sometimes fall into my hands."

"Allowing thieves to walk straight into your strongroom!"
"They didn't walk in madam. They spent quite a long time forcing an entry."

"The end of country houses and clubs and cricket and whiskey and sullivans."

"He doesn't deserve to catch me."
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