October 20th, 2011

Scary Books

Buffy Season 9 Issue 2 + Dollhouse Issue 4 Reviewed

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 9 Issue 2: Freefall Part Two

The Buffy's college loan joke drags on. Willow whines some more. The bodies are explained, sort of. Buffy's arrested. Dawn and Xander are selfish. Spike lurks. This is okay, better than the truly terrible issue 1. But it is still not grabbing me. Why is Buffy so dumb and lazy? Why does Buffy still hang out with Willow, Xander and Dawn? Why did Buffy never go back to college?

Best Lines:
"She didn't even finish college, you know. And we're talking U.C. Sunnydale."

Dollhouse: Epitaphs Issue 4

Ivy is apparently in the Tokyo dollhouse and may not be in a good way. Ballard annoys, seriously he is the uber-suck. Trevor tries to be a bad ass. What is Active Architecture? Mag, Griff and Zone (seriously their parents named them that?) annoy. This is good, the 'Epitaph' eps were the most intriguing eps of the show. This is good stuff, shame they never got to do this on the show.

Terra Nova 1x03 Reviewed

What Remains

Maddy has a boyfriend, Malcolm can't act and Jim pulls faces because he is a tool. Why does Terra Nova have no aircraft? People get a virus and hallucinate. Josh hangs out with Skye swilling moonshine. 'The Defenders' was better than this. Jim disobeys orders and is a tool, why does he get away with this crap? He's not supposed to be there.

This was awful. Josh wants to get his 2149 galpal to Terra Nova. Skye is obviously a baddie. There's not enough dinosaurs in this. There's hints about the calculations by the waterfalls and communications through the time fracture. What about the ice age and the dinosaur killing comet that is coming?

Taylor large hams and babbles. We gets hints about 2149 (Detroit food riots, a psy ops war in Somalia) and there aren't pleasant. Maddy has her father's sense of entitlement. Jim does fake sneezing. The 1st pilgrimage was only 7 years ago? The Sixers plot. This was sappy and crappy.

Best Lines:
"You shot me."
"I did Sir."
"Good job."

Scary Books

Trailers and Stuff

Stuff I plan to review at some point: 'Double Take', 'Darkness Falling' and 'Sherlock Holmes: The Crossover Casebook."

'Dead and Buried' (1981) trailer
This is the road into Potter's Bluff. There is no road out. This looks creepy.

'Terra Nova' 1x05 promo
Yawn, all these plots have been done before.

'Revenge' 1x06 promo

'American Horror Story' 1x03 promo

'Pickman's Muse' trailer
If this is based on Lovecraft's 'Haunter of the Dark', then why not call it that? This looks cheap.

'Dead Snow' trailer
Dumb kids vs nazi zombies. Looks sadly dull.

'In Time' trailer
You don't age past 25? Time is paid out? Intriguing premise.

'Shoggoth's Old Peculiar' Quote:
"That big building next door is the Nameless Temple of Unspeakable Gods and on saturday mornings there's jumble sale in the crypt."

To Light The Way To Bed

The Secret Circle 1x04 Reviewed


The wooden Nick and Melissa are still hooking up. Dumb Cassie believed Zachary about her mother harming Heather and looks Heather up. Meanwhile Faye wants to do spells like the witches did in 'The Craft'. Cassie finds out Heather is in a bad way and decides to do a spell. Adam pulls faces, Thomas Dekker played a far more effective witch in 'From Within'.

There's talk about sigils. Cassie doesn't want anyone reading her Book of Shadows. Faye helps Cassie. But seeing as Cassie is dumber than dirt this leads to trouble and revelations about black magic. These kids have seriously inadequate parental supervision. Cassie can't act. This was good. So where is the 'Charmed' mention?
Scary Books

Supernatural 6x20 Reviewed

The Man Who Would Be King

I think the title refers to Crowley, considering what he's managed to pull off. Alas poor Castiel. Our fallen angel monologues and can't pronounce Babel properly. Crowley waves a fistful of Eve's eggs around - I so did not need to see that. Castiel explains his deal with Crowley. Oh poor woobie, Crowley was a Crossroads Demon, why are you listening to him?

Crowley and Castiel plot. Dean and Castiel brood. Crowley shouts. Someone's read 'Good Omens'. Crowley lists off all the big bads past and Castiel says something about dying over and over again. We get to see a demonic version of Bobby. Meanwhile Bobby and Sam annoy. Too much ass butt Bobby this season.

What is Crowley up to? Why have we never seen Crowley's demon eyes? Samuel was in hell apparently, very appropriate. Eve was a letdown, Crowley and Castiel are so much better. Sam is thankless and Dean is self righteous. Dude you sound like your no good dead daddy. This was very good.

Best Lines:
"Big plans for that fish."

"Dried dung can only be stacked so high."

"Two boys, a drunk and a fallen angel."

"Those denim wrapped nightmares."

"Submit or die? What are you? French?"

Scary Books

Tape Tales of 2000 & 1998

Cleared out two tapes. Firstly was a 2000 tape that began with a season 4 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' ep 'Hush'. That ep was way over-rated. Buffy dreams about the bland Riley Finn. Willow whines. The college looks like a soundstage. What was the point of Maggie Walsh? Spike lurks, why does nobody stake him? Xander is a jerk and the Gentlemen lurk. Willow mocks her Wicca group and meets Tara. The Gentlemen steal voices and hearts leading to unfunny miming. This was boring and Riley Finn was a blight on this show. A BLIGHT.

Then came a season 1 'Angel' ep 'Parting Gifts' in which Doyle is dead and Wesley shows up to annoy. TPTB prance around in body paint being stupid. Cordelia gets visions. Actors in bad demon make up walk around. Wesley does wannabe-Fonz posing. Wesley was a blight on this show. This was stupid.

Then came a 'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine' season 7 ep 'Tacking into the Wind' in which Gowron pulls faces, Weyoun toadies and the Breen lurk. Ezri speaks her mind. Kira and co try to steal a Dominion ship. Worf stages a coup by provoking Chancellor Gowron into a fight. A badly staged very short fight. There's a glass display that you just know someone will go through and it is Worf's stunt double and Gowron dies via one stab wound. Oh come on. Too much talking.

Finally there was another season 4 'Buffy' ep 'Doomed'. Riley and Buffy talk and Riley annoys. Spike lives in Xander's basement and still nobody stakes him. There's bad dubbing and Giles is ever useless. This had way too much Spike and Riley. The gang return to the burnt out Sunnydale High in this utter letdown. Riley is smug.

The 2nd tape was from 1998. First up was a season 3 'Due South' ep 'Mountie Sings the Blues' in which Fraser protects a singer. I miss Ray Vecchio calling Fraser "Benny". I miss Fraser being nice and not a smug jackass. This was dull and yet another chance for Paul Gross to sing. This ep contains the song 'Nobody's Girl' which showed up on Vol 2 of the soundtrack.

Then there was a 'Xena, Warrior Princess' ep 'The Key to the Kingdom' which had Joxer, Meg and the king of thieves running around being really annoying. Meg steals a baby claiming she can't have kids, yet where did Virgil come from then? Dumb unfunny waste o'time. Then came an 'X Files' ep 'Drive' in which a man (Brian Cranston) is affected by ELF waves or something and takes Mulder hostage for a car chase. Mulder is flippant, Scully is the scully and the whole ground conduction radio issue was never ever brought up again.

Best Line:
"I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do next."

Finally there was another 'DS9' ep 'The Reckoning' in which the wormhole aliens give another cryptic warning and there is bad acting. Dax annoys, Kai Winn annoys and there is much season 7 set up and bad bad bad SFX.
Scary Books

Movie Review: Kill Theory (2009)

I had high hopes for this but was bitterly letdown. This was AWFUL. A group of college morons head out to a remote holiday home and we get endless scenes of the morons being loud, rude, crude, sexist and generally vile, foul idiots. I can't even recall their names apart from Brent (Teddy Dunn of 'Veronica Mars') and Freddy (Daniel Franzese of 'Mean Girls'). After ages a body is flung through a window with a video camera.

It seems they're being stalked by a murderous nutter who rambles on about how he had to kill his friends and now they'll have to kill theirs. He informs them that at 6am if only one person is alive they can go free but if more than one person is alive, they'll all die. So now they'll have to kill their friends to live. Naturally the nutter is omnipotent and there's no alarm system or any talk of how the victims outnumber the nutter by a significant amount. Instead it's poker, shovel and gun grabbing time and blood flies.

The stalker and his monotone voice bore. There is screaming and the bland interchangeable idiots utter terrible dialogue. They're all hateful jerks. Teddy Dunn looks completely different from his 'Veronica Mars' days. This was boring with way too much screaming and idiocy. This could have been so much better but it is all such boring crud and the twist ending is nothing special.

Best Lines:
"Certain death now confronts anyone in the house. There's only way out. Kill your friends or die with them."

"My dad has a rifle."
"Now you say so?"
"Not now trailer park."

"Escaping me is impossible so start thinking about escaping each other."

"Only one can go home."

"Their love is gonna kill us both."

"You gonna kill us all Freddy?"
"No tough guy. Just you!"

Traveler Review, Part 2

The Out
Jay and Tyler travel to Deer Harbour, Will claimed it was his home town but that like much of what he said was a lie. However they do find his girlfriend Maya who runs a book store called 'Have Books/Will Travel'. She supplies evidence that Will was part of a larger organisation and that Will Traveler isn't even his real name. Then again Daniel Taft probably isn't his real name either.

Jay and Tyler learn from the news that Will taped Jay and Tyler's every conversation, which has now been edited together and posted on line as their hate filled manifesto. Jay's estranged mother is taken in by the FBI, Jay's treatment of his mother makes him seem just as nasty as Will. Kim is shunned, forced to live with her horrible parents and mocked: "A massive conspiracy has created the personae of Will Traveler and manipulated events for the past two years?"

As Tyler and Jay stand around in plain sight in broad daylight at a train station, they get a huge shock. They see Tyler's stolen car and Will is driving it. There is mutual staring and shock all around. Then Will's 'colleagues' show up to grab him. This was good.

The Tells
Will is interrogated by a nasty woman. It is revealed the Drexler mission didn't play out as planned and Will is going to have to answer for that. Will tells the nasty woman the events of the 'Pilot' ep from his POV. Jay and Tyler were meant to die and Will stealing a painting was a real deviation from the plan. The nasty woman has Maya killed. After spending most of this ep tied up and beat down, Will kills the nasty woman and escapes. Meanwhile Jay and Tyler try to hunt down Will by tracking the source of Will's college fees. This was okay and Will shows off his skills by killing people with broken chairs and a hoodie.

Best Line:
"He's not your friend and he's not someone you want to find."

The Trader
Jay and Tyler have a falling out and split up. Jay deals with a former friend (Tyler Labine of 'Reaper', 'Invasion' and 'Tucker and Dale vs Evil') and Tyler confronts his father (William Sadler). Tyler learns that his father knew all about the Drexler and that Tyler was supposed to die. Tyler's father sneers at him in contempt and leaves him by the side of the road. The FBI get proof of Will's existence and now he's running from them and his own people. This was good and only 3 days have passed since the 'Pilot' ep.
Scary Books

Fringe 4x04 Reviewed

Subject 9
Walter and Olivia try to figure out another mysterious happening. Walter's gross, annoying and a hateful lunatic. Nina Sharp and her bad wig show up. Walter and Nina hate each other, while Nina and Olivia are BFF. Walter needs to SHUT UP and continues his pattern of terrible decisions. Olivia is obnoxious and poor Cameron is walked all over. Peter's out of phase with time or something. Walter's a jerk and this is all so annoying.

Best Lines:
"We create technology. How it is used is not our concern."

"Once when you were a boy you blew up a toaster oven with your mind simply because of an irrational hatred of raisin toast."