October 16th, 2011

Scary Books

Ringer 1x03 Reviewed

If You Ever Want A French Lesson

This show has yet to fully embrace the soap opera plot. Bridget continues living Siobhan's life, though what she plans to do about her non-baby is not yet clear. Siobhan's plotting and motives are as ever obscure. Victor annoys, he is a baddie I know it. Henry's a tool. Bridget gets weird phone calls and in Paris, Siobhan calls herself Cora and hooks up with one of Andrew's employees.

Malcolm's in trouble. Olivia (Andrew's slutty business partner) plots. Bridget stares at a really fake looking photo of Siobhan and Bridget in Paris. Siobhan's babydaddy is revealed, this was okay. But this show needs to improve.
Scary Books

'Modern Family' Quotes

"We never needed fake ID's on a farm. We figured if a 16 year old could drive a tractor he could drink a beer. Not at the same time of course."

"In my country it is tradition when the men are out seeking vengeance, the womens stay home and they drink."
"Sometimes I think you just make this stuff up."


Lost Rewatch: 4x02

Confirmed Dead

The freighter folk arrive on the island: three annoy (Miles, Charlotte, Daniel) and one does not (Frank). The freighter folk annoy as they lie, act suspiciously and threaten people with guns. Flashbacks show the discovery of the fake Flight 815 wreckage, Naomi being annoying, Daniel being an idiot, Miles being irritating and Charlotte being pompous and a rude snot.

Meanwhile we get hints of Hurley's destiny in season 6. Miles pulls a gun and screams, shut up Miles. Sawyer thugs out. Ben gets beat up. Locke preaches. Charlotte and Daniel annoy, they were the two most annoying characters on this show. Bring back Nikki and Paulo. I say again Daniel and Charlotte were AWFUL, AWFUL, ANNOYING CHARACTERS.

Everyone screams and Ben's off island trips were never explained. Plus would the media really show the rotting bodies of 'Flight 815' on tv?

Best Lines:
"It's Oceanic 815."

"We don't wanna be found."

"Head case, ghostbuster, anthropologist and a drunk."

"It's a high risk covert op in unstable territory."
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Irredeembale Vol 7 + H.P. Lovecraft Omnibus 3

Irredeemable Vol 7 created and written by Mark Waid

This was a disappointing volume as Tony escapes his prison while going large ham Roger Moore era Bond villain. Meanwhile Quibt and Modeus try to stop Tony escaping. It all ends on a cliffhanger. This was all very average and had way too much large ham Tony. Where have all the interesting characters and plots gone? This book is far more interesting showing other characters reactions to Tony. The only real point of interest in this is the terrifying revelation of Tony's true powers and what would happen if he ever realised there is far more to his powers than he knows.

H.P. Lovecraft Omnibus 3 The Haunter of the Dark

Lovecraft's writings are enjoyably creepy however they are plagued by sexism and racism.

The Rats in the Walls
A man finds out his family's dark secret in this horrific but very good story.

The Call of Cthulhu
A man pieces together a mystery of an undersea city and a mysterious being. Excellent.

The Dunwich Horror
Wilbur Whately is born under mysterious circumstances. He grows up too quickly and makes dark and terrible plans. Good.

The Colour out of Space
A meteorite crashes on a farm and devastates it. A very good creepy story.

The Haunter of the Dark
A man explores a deserted church and soon wishes he hasn't. Excellent.

The Thing on the Doorstep
An ill-fated marriage leads to horror. Ok.

The Shadow over Innsmouth
A young man visits a hated town that has not quite human occupants and learns dark secrets. Good.

The Shadow out of Time
A man suspects his mind was taken over by a creature from another time. Good.
Scary Books

Movie Review: The Three Musketeers (2011)

Well, that was that then. In 3D no less. This steampunk movie takes the bare bones of Dumas' novel and fastens an okay action tale around them. It's all a bit light and forgettable. Athos, Aramis and Porthos who are all bland and barely distinguishable (Athos can't act, Armais fades into the woodwork, Porthos looks like a football hooligan) skulk around in black having badly choreographed swordfights for the honour of France.

Richelieu plots, Louis XIII is a moron and his wife Anne is underused. The annoying hoodrat D'Artagnan shows up to annoy and for unknown reasons (aka The Plot Demands it), the three musketeers befriend him. They unite to preserve the Queen's honor from the slurs of Richelieu and the Elvis quiff sporting baddie Buckingham (Orlando Bloom).

Buckingham wears OTT bling and preens. He is a villain you want to see slapped down but no, that'll have to wait for the sequel that is set up in the cliffhanger final scene. The real noteworthy character is Milady. She pouts, swordfights, does gymnastics, lies, steals, seduces and generally entertains. She also shows off an impressive wardrobe.

The plot such as it is involves Da Vinci, airships and an amazingly tacky looking diamond necklace. There's a fat bloke who is used for comic relief and Constance is an amazingly wooden love interest for the hoodrat D'Artagnan. It's better than the dreadful 1993 version but not on par with my fav Dumas adaption, the 1998 'The Man in the Iron Mask'.

It looks good but D'Artagnan is a loathsome hoodrat, Orlando Bloom does not feature enough and the post modernist dialogue grates after a while. It is not as good as it could have been and the 3D is unnecessary and there are nasty touches of sexism.