October 13th, 2011

Scary Books

Chase 1x07 Reviewed

The Posse

This show is awful, no wonder it failed. Plus all the characters are hateful bullying jerks. A man pretends to be a US Marshal and kills people. Luke hooks up with Daisy. Luke's horrible bullying co-workers pry into his past. There's screaming and yelling and Annie in peril, again. There's a car chase and Annie shooting a guy for the giggles. This was horrible.
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: The Quiet + Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen

The Quiet (2005)

Nina (Elisha Cuthbert of 'House of Wax', '24', 'Happy Endings') is not happy that her parents god-daughter Dot has come to live with them. Dot is deaf/mute and is ignored or used as a sounding board by the various narcissists that surround her. Nina wears a bad wig and fights with her BF Michelle while having a creepy relationship with her father Paul. Her mother Olivia (Edie Falco) spends her time out of it on pills. It's a sick situation all round.

People pout moodily, Dot finds out a dark secret and everything comes apart. This is okay, it shows what can lurk beneath the perma frowns and self absorption of some people.

~
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen (2009)

This was one of the worst films ever. Why do transformers have mouths? Why must everything in this film inevitably explode? Sam goes to college, Megan Fox bends over stuff and the 'plot' is annoying and incoherent. Sam yells a lot and I'm not sure what this film is supposed to be about. Everyone looks sweaty, Megatron wakes up, Sam freaks out in tiresome fashion.

Sam's college library is trashed, Sam is molested by Decepticons and everything is so badly edited, I wonder how this got released. Everyone's an idiot, there is unfunny comedy and a huge battle in Egypt for some reason. Stuff blows up some more and this was incoherent idiocy.

Best Lines:
"The Fallen shall rise again."
"That doesn't sound good."

"You should be embarrassed."

"Sometimes you get to the end of the rainbow and the leprechauns went and bobby-trapped it."


Scary Books

Terra Nova 1x02 Reviewed

Instinct

So is Terra Nova located on Pangaea or what? How did a time fracture in the USA lead to a different continent? Zoe seems older, Jim kept his six-pack in prison and he wants sex. Oh go get lost in the magical poop stealing water chair you tool. Jim suspects that chief science officer Malcolm is after his wife.

Soldiers die and attack birds attack. Jim is jealous and hopeless. Taylor's sidekick from Eps1&2 has vanished. This ep is bloody awful and rips off  scenes from 'The Birds' and 'Starship Troopers'. Josh is dumb. Where did all the mystery about the Sixers and the rock carvings go?

Is Malcolm the only scientist in Terra Nova? I had more fun watching 'Steps Reunion' and learning what a massive tool H was and still is. Why is everyone so dumb? Why has Maddy no personality? This was as bad as something 'Outcasts' crapped out of its hell besmeared farting hole. This is no 'Lost', I've seen 'Sliders' eps better than this! WHERE DID ALL THE PROMISE GO?

Best Lines:
"They tried to put a bullet in your head."
"Not the first time. Won't be the last."


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To Light The Way To Bed

Retro Review: The Dresden Files 1x10 (2007)

What About Bob?

Harry the wizard/man-ho hooks up with a skank who steals his magic skull, no really. The skull contains Bob, the undead sorcerer, this show might as well have been renamed The Bob Show seeings as Bob got all the attention and Harry was made to look dumb. No wonder it was canceled. Plus they changed way too much from the books.

Murphy annoys, she is a horrible woman. Murphy looks into the death of Harry's uncle Justin Morningway. She thinks Harry murdered him, well she's right. Harry inherited Justin's huge house, how does he pay the property tax on it? Plus why is it safer if it isn't sold? Morgan lurks. The cops exhume Justin and don't raise an eyebrow at the magical runes all over his coffin.

Bob ends up in the hands of Justin, it seems he is not quite dead despite Harry murdering him in a rage with black magic five years ago. Harry needs a wash. Justin killed Harry's dad but the death of Harry's mother is unexplained. There is mutterings about the Morningway bloodline and a hint that Harry's mother wasn't mortal.

Harry goes large ham. Bob will not shut up. The flashback to Justin's 'death' shows it wasn't self-defense. Why did TPTB make Harry so incompetent and useless? Didn't anyone in pathology notice the vanishing autopsy marks? Harry pulls faces, Murphy is stupid and decides to overlook Harry admitting to black magic murder. This was okay but it had too much stupid in it.

Best Lines:
"I would say this is a totally unexpected turn of events. But then we are talking about you aren't we?"

"I saw you die, yet here you are."

"My home too. Until my uncle and I had our little falling out."


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Scary Books

Book Reviews: Vamparazzi + The Breath of God

Vamparazzi by Laura Resnick

Self absorbed chorus girl Esther Diamond gets involved in more supernatural goings on. She's landed a role in an off-Broadway play 'The Vampyre' and it is a huge hit due to the fact the star claims to be a real vampire. The star's demented fans cause chaos every night and when one of the crazed fans is murdered, Esther learns a real vampire is indeed lurking.

Now Esther and a rag tag group of misfits have to save the day. This is good, a far better screwball comedy than the previous dire Esther Diamond novel 'Unsympathetic Magic'.

~
The Breath of God by Guy Adams

People die mysteriously and Holmes is informed that magic is the cause. So he and Watson meet Aleister Crowley, Dr Silence, Carnacki and Julian Karswell to ponder what is going on. Watson soon fears that black magic is indeed afoot. But Holmes is ever the rationalist. Who is right and will London fall prey to something from the infernal abyss?

This is very good, a rollicking fantastic romp. Adams manages to make William Hope Hodgson's Carnacki character interesting. Something Hodgson never managed in his dire Carnacki stories. The depiction of Holmes and Watson owes much to the 2009 'Sherlock Holmes' film, which makes the story even more enjoyable. If you like Holmes, MR James ghost stories and the 2009 'Sherlock Holmes' you will love this.

Best Lines:
"Am I to accept that my enemy is wandering around the woods at night with ill-fitting jewelery?"

"Short of a demon leaping out of your soup and grabbing you by the necktie, I doubt anything could convince you."


Scary Books

The Secret Circle 1x03 Reviewed

Loner

The Circle can now only do collective magic and Diana is billy-no-mates because of this. Cassie is dumb and mean and does not want to be friends with Diana. Cassie is hateful. Melissa still fawns over Nick who is a tool. Dawn killed her father-in-law and Sally annoys. Luke fancies Cassie, why? A nutter named Zachary lurks.

Cassie's stupid, Diana's dumb and Cassie will not shut up. This was boring and plain terrible. There is more mystery about the fire 16 years ago. Zachary is a lamer baddie than Charles and that is saying something. Luke wises up and ditches Cassie. Shut up Cassie, just shut up. Diana warns Cassie off her man candy Adam. Zachary is warned off, like that'll work. These people are all morons, MORONS!

Best Lines:
"I don't mind being alone. Unlike you Melissa, I like myself."

"We can't kill everybody who gets in our way."
Scary Books

Trailers!

'The Divide' trailer
Looks good, looks REALLY good: 'The Lucky Ones Died In The Blast'. I hope this is better than the horrid 'Stakeland'.

'The Avengers'
trailer
I'm not impressed. It is just sad that the only woman in the cast hasn't a word to say in the trailer and the new Hulk is just ummm. "Enormous green rage monster" indeed.

'Fringe' 4x04 promo
Uh.

'Revenge' 1x05 promo
Nice.

'Terra Nova' 1x04 promo
Stick a fork in it, this show is done.

'The Secret Circle' 1x05 promo
Nice.
Scary Books

Fringe 4x03 Review

Alone in the World

This was dreadful. Walter's mad act is tired. There's a return from the nasty loony bin director (Bill Sadler) who as last sighted back in season 1. It turns out Peter did exist in this new reality, it is just that after Walter stole him, he fell through the ice and drowned. Somehow Walter has escaped all censure for abduction, manslaughter and parallel universe war mongering.

Why have we not yet got a Walter/Walternate confrontation? Instead we get two bullies dying after a close encounter with some Lovecraft like fungi. Walter bonds with a moppet and goes large ham. Dial it down John Noble, you aren't getting an Emmy. Where is Nina Sharp? Will Lincoln Lee shut up? This is stupid, awful and full of bad over acting.
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Scary Books

Supernatural 6x19 Review

Mommy Dearest

Eve shows up to annoy. Lenore the vampire (Amber Benson) shows up to large ham. There is way too much Bobby. Castiel sneaks. Since when does Bobby have an iPad? Eve makes monsters. Sam and Dean feel sorry for some moppets leading to sap overload. There is a pointless use of Mary Winchester to deliver a huge info dump. There is a non-twist ending. This was terrible, Eve just annoyed.