September 19th, 2011

Scary Books

Quotes and Stuff

'Perfect Stranger' Quotes:
"More entry points than a college girl on Mardi Gras."

"Congratulations, clean up your new office."

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'One Tree Hill' Quote:
"Our dad asked my mom to prom."

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'Happy Endings' Quotes:
"Are you trying to get sold into white slavery?"

"I don't own a tv."
"What do you do at night?"

"Your awesome Samantha makes a living by moving in with cute girls, setting up webcams and charging people to watch."
"Oh my god, that's why she wanted to eat popsicles and have a cream cheese fight yesterday."

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'Awakening' trailer
This UK horror film looks utterly creepy.

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Got the 'Tomorrow, When The War Began' dvd. I love it, I hope they film 'The Dead of Night'.

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'The Other Boleyn Girl' Quotes:
"What you suggest is treason. He cannot marry you, his has his Queen."
"Who cannot produce a male heir."
"You reach too high, as always."

"I am Catherine, Queen of England. The King's one true wife and mother of the heir to the throne. Beloved of the people and beloved of a King you have bewitched."

"Somehow I need to make him understand that this will be worth it. When I am his Queen and give him a son."

"I have torn this country apart for you!"

"I have got rid of a good woman in the Queen."
"A dried out husk who failed you."

"You cursed evil witch."

"It is a sad day for England, when nobles do not rise for their Queen."


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I had high hopes for Preston&Child's 'Cold Vengeance' after the delightful 'Fever Dream'. I should have known better after the terrible 'Gideon's Sword' but 'Cold Vengeance' was a massive letdown. It's slow, dumb and stupid with idiot side plots. Helen is pathetic, Pendergast walks off a sucking chest wound and runs around being a jerk. A character from 'Mount Dragon' is brought back for no clear reason. D'Agosta is back at work despite being shot in the heart, undergoing surgery, being poisoned and comatose in 'Fever Dream'. Also D'Agosta is back to being treated like crap by Pendergast and taking it for some insane reason. Pendergast makes a blase throwaway admission that he nearly got his BFF killed but scampers off to deal with the piss poor ending. Typical, just typical.
Traveler

Supernatural 6x15 Review

The French Mistake
Sam and Dean are sent to an alternate universe where they are actors in a TV show, didn't 'Eerie, Indiana' do this already? Misha annoys, Genevieve Padalecki cannot act at all, there's bad acting and bad acting jokes. This isn't as funny as it thinks it is but is an okay time passer. Seriously who narrates their tweets? Jared has a huge tacky house and the ending is ridiculous. Castiel broods and Sam and Dean annoy. This is okay.

Best Lines:
"We can blow off the scene where they sit on the Impala and talk about their feelings."

"Why would anybody want to watch our lives?"
"Well, according to the interviewer, not very many people do."

"Dude you have a camel in your back yard."

"You married fake Ruby?"

"The international otter adoption charity dinner."

"The scary man killed the attractive crying man."

Scary Books

Torchwood Miracle Day Ep 10 Review

The Blood Line
Shut up Gwen and put on some skincream. Why don't they just shoot Danes? We find out why the three families did what they did, we still don't know what the Blessing is. Danes will not shut up. Gwen makes it all about her. PC Andy shows up for no clear reason.

Charlotte is such a blatant baddie, I'm amazed no one suspected her transvestite donkey witch self earlier. Shapiro is a bit slow, shame to see him go. Do female workers at the CIA have any concept of work appropriate attire?

Why is there a chicken? There is mention of The Creator, the three families annoy and I'm reminded of 'Babylon 5' and the Shadows and the Vorlons. Gwen needs to die but sadly does not. Several people die. Annoying people live. Rhys is still thankless. There are sequel hooks laid out among them the statement that this was all a trial run. This was okay.
Scary Books

United States of Tara 3x11 Review

Crunchy Ice
Max is still in denial. Tara is still playing dress up and sporting her latest silly accent, why hasn't she been committed? Max's mother brings a pink light up Christmas tree over and tells him to leave Tara for his own sake. The real Bryce is long dead. Tara attacks Marshall and jumps off a bridge. Enough already.

Best Lines:
"She'll come back to us. She always comes back. Remember when Buck joined the Merchant Marines?"

"He'll waste his entire life trying to fix something he didn't break."

Scary Books

True Blood 3x11 + 3x12 Reviewed

Fresh Blood
Bill annoys and Sookie is stupid, nothing new there. Jesus likes tripping on V. Lafayette hallucinates. Crystal is a werepanther. Jason is dumb, Jessica needs to be staked and Hoyt's an idiot. Did TPTB borrow the 'daywalking' phrase from 'Blade'?

Sam acts crazy, Hoyt's momma plots and a local football player is V crazy. Tara is annoying, Tommy is whiny trash, Holly and Arlene do magic. Russell grandstands. Why do none of the vampires care about the existence of Jason, Hadley and Hunter? Will Sookie ever just shut up? This was boring, I cannot stand much more of Bill being a twit.

Best Lines:
"I told you I had secrets. You said you didn't care."
"I thought it was shoplifting or something."

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Evil Is Going On
Eric has a vision of his idiot maker. Bill's a twit, again. Nan lies. Sam tells Tara his secret. Russell is extra crispy. The DEA are foiled by Jason Stackhouse. Sookie pours Talbot's remains down the drain and laughs. Jason is dumb.

Talbot was the love of Russell's life? Talbot the guy who apparently never left the house and threw tantrums? Then again Russell probably loved being in complete control of the 'love of his life'.

There's a change of leadership in Hot Shot. Alcide shows up. Sookie is "vampire crack", explains a lot as her personality is sure not attractive. Jesus is a witch. Russell is taken care of. Bill tries to take care of Eric and fails. Hoyt's momma gets a gun.

Bill lies some more to dumb stupid Sookie until Eric finally reveals just what scum Bill really is. Sookie knows the truth, finally and screams. Tara drives off, Sam may have shot Tommy, Sophie-Anne shows up to have an idiot 'Matrix' fight with Bill. This was okay but this show is nothing but a backwater hick soap opera now.

Best Lines:
"All I wanted was a couple of goats for my wolves."
"You slaughtered my entire family for a couple of goats?"

"There you go Uncle Daddy Calvin."

"This what you made."

"You're a witch whose a nurse whose a dude."
Scary Books

Teen Wolf 1x11 Review

Formality
Stiles and Scott don't care about Derek. Moronic Kate is a mad cow. Allison goes dress shopping leaving a chained up Derek in Kate's tender graces. Then she shoots arrows at Derek's wanted poster, what a piece of work.

Allison lies, there's a school dance and Scots an idiot. Lydia's dumb and her outfit is fugly. Stiles is stupid. Jackson is menaced by Mr Argent. Lydia just stands around and lets the Alpha chew on her. Scott is banned from the dance for literally being stupid. Scott bullies Jackson with his stupid CGI teeth.

Scott shows off his silly werewolf makeup. Allison whirls around the dance floor uncaring about Derek. Scott whines and is thankless. Jackson is vile. The mad lacrosse coach chases Scot around the gym. An emo band plays.

Derek and Kate were once an item. Fascinating. Allison is beyond redemption at this point. Lydia's been made stupid, no Fields Medal for her and Scott, Stiles, Jackson and the entire Argent family need to go. This was awful.
To Light The Way To Bed

Doctor Who 6x11 Review

The God Complex
This was good. Someone's obviously read 'The Shining'. The Doctor, Rory and Amy run around a fake hotel being menaced. They see monsters, clowns, PE teachers and weeping angels. Various people die and it's all about faith. Stupid stirring music plays and in a scene that didn't come soon enough the Doctor dumps Rory and Amy on a curb and takes off. Finally.

Best Lines:
"Praise him."

"We're lining all the highways with trees so invading forces can march in the shade."

"My old school motto: resistance is exhasting."

"Everytime the Doctor gets pally with somebody, I have this overwhelming urge to notify their next of kin."

"What do Time Lords pray to?"

Scary Books

Reviews Forthcoming + More Quotes

This is a list of stuff I hope to review in the coming months: 'Horrors Beyond', 'Electric Barracuda', 'Silver-Tongued Devil', 'Stories for Nightime and Some for day', 'Long Lankin', 'The Dead of Night', 'Cryer's Cross', 'Web Weaver', 'Rings of Time', 'White Collar' season 2, 'Rise Like Lions', 'Westward Weird', 'Ghosts of Bly' and 'Undone Deeds'.

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'United States of Tara' Quotes:

"I'm going to be awful to you."
"That's the whole point of the role-play. Can I get you anything? Cold beverage, tea, coffee?"
"Wash your hands stewardess! I can still smell the co-pilot all over your fingers, sky waitress!"
"What? Why are my hands all over the co-pilot in this scenario?"
"For attention. Your looks'll be gone in ten years, and then what? Back to internet porn?"
"I told you that in confidence, you little bitch! Coke? Water?"
"You're going nowhere, loser!"
"I am going to rip out your extensions!"
"It's called a weave! Ooh, that was fun! Now you do me!"

Scary Books

Buffy Season 9 Issue 1 + Dollhouse Issue 3 Reviewed

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 9 Issue 1

Freefall Part One

Buffy has new room-mates, new ugly clothes, no plans to return to college and gets drunk. Dawn and Xander bore. Willow has a job. How does Willow have a job? When has she ever worked a day in her life? Girls are being murdered again. Was that married guy supposed to be Riley? Spike tells tales of that delightful incident with Willow back in season 4. People plot with a demon. Other demons plot. How Buffy and co afford to live in San Francisco isn't explained. Willow whines. The final page is a joke. This was AWFUL. There was some crud in season 8 but this beats all that out by a long shot.

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Dollhouse Epitaphs Issue 3

Alpha's going mental. We get hints of the bad thing that happened to Ivy. Zone, Mag and Griff continue to be annoying. Ivy's imprints talk about sex non-stop. Are the writers 7 or something? Ballard shows up to annoy. This was okay.