September 5th, 2011

Scary Books

Trailers and Stuff

'Sherlock' series 2 trailer
Oh no, not the git from 'Being Human'.

'The Hunger Games' teaser

'The Lost Boys' trailer
Cheesy VO and a bad trailer but the film is better.

'The Last Enemy' trailer
This BBC drama looks good, it aired in 2008 but I've no memory of it.

'The New Daughter' trailer
Looks interesting.

Coming Soon: Reviews of 'Ringer'.

There will be no review of 'The Vampire Diaries' ep 2x13 'Daddy Issues'.

'Scream 4' Quotes:

"Stick a fork in 1996 already."

"Last two teenagers standing."

"Who is this?"
"Not an app."

"The death of horror right here in front of us."

"What are you doing in the house with Sidney Prescott? I mean that's like being on 'Top Chef' with Jeffrey Dahmer."

"The Angel of Death leave?"
"No, she's in the guest room."

"I never said I was in your closet."

"Trevor's this generation's Billy Loomis."

"It's not like anyone reads anymore."
Scary Books

Supernatural 6x13 + Teen Wolf 1x09 Reviewed


Seasons 4, 5 and 6 are about as 0.02% as enthralling as seasons 1,2 and 3. We get flashbacks to Sam hunting with Samuel and Sam is stupid, violent, gross and pervy. Sam lies. Something went on a year ago and now something is going on, again.

Everyone's an idiot. A spider monster can text message, didn't 'Charmed' do this already? Why do all the monsters look human? Where's the sheriff? Sam messes up. This was boring and stupid.

Wolf's Bane

Allison's family fire off assault rifles without any consequences, aren't there laws against that? Does a 'he needed killing' excuse apply to this town that they're getting away with their crap? Scott never apologisess for his lie, why does Derek put up with him?

Jackson's figured out Scott's secret and acts crazy. If Scott hadn't been so dumb, it wouldn't have happened. Scott only cares about lacrosse and Allison, he's a twit. Allison has undergone another personality change. Scott pulls faces, Jackson dumps Lydia.

This suffers from the same problem as 'Chuck' and 'Smallville', the lead is a smug dislikeable git. Scott breaks into a house full of sociopathic hunters and they fail to notice. There is unfunny comedy with Stiles and the po-faced Derek.

Kate and Allison stroll around Derek's house, they apparently have no concept of trespass laws. Allison's father is a jerk and Kate is mental, yet Allison fails to notice. Jackson has a wish and the Alpha is revealed in unscary fashion. This was mediocre, the only highlight was some comedy from the mad lacrosse coach.

Best Line:
"No A in Econ if no win on field."
Scary Books

Torchwood Miracle Day Ep 8 Review

End of the Road
Angelo did well for himself. Angelo's grand-daughter and her bad wig annoy. Apparently we are supposed to care about Angelo the stalker. Esther's dim, the stock market collapses and The Three Families lurk. Shapiro (John De Lancie) shows up. When did Rex put in the contacts? Someone dies and others get blown up.

Danes annoys, Jilly is spied on and people are volunteering to be Category 1. Gwen and Rhys are thankless and rude, Gwen's deported. Category 0 is brought in. Danes may be looking for someone, Rex is dumb, Jilly is promoted, someone is shot and yet more people have bad taste in friends. This was good.

Best Lines;
"Take that fat ass traitor to the airport, put him in cargo."

"This technology would send it to damnation."

"We're way above PhiCorp."

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Scary Books

True Blood 3x09 + United States of Tara 3x09 + Chase 1x02 Reviewed

Everything is Broken

Sookie and Bill screw some more, doesn't she chafe? Russell grieves over Talbot, why? Bill lies and has a vision. Crystal is trashy. Hot Shot is the sort of place where marrying your cousin is considered posh. Nan and the Authority bore. Sam's brother annoys.

Jason's dumb. Franklin shows up again. The VRA and the AVL go down the tubes thanks to Russell and Nan being stupid. Hadley shows up with her son Hunter. Holly gets involved in Arlene and Tara's business.

The vampire fangs are as dumb looking as ever. Russell carries Talbot's bits around in a plastic jar that is supposed to be crystal but obviously isn't. Russell goes large ham. This was okay.

Best Line:
"I'm calling in the FBI, the DEA, the ATF, the DOJ and Blackwater."

Bryce Will Play

Tara sees yet another doctor (Robert Picardo) and for some reason isn't locked up. She never wants to deal with the crap she pulls. Plus with all the crap she pulls and money she wastes how does she find time to go to class and avoid bankruptcy?

Marshall has fun in NY, Max does not mostly due to viewing Marshall's terrible, TERRIBLE short film. Tara lies. Kate's boyfriend's son annoys. Charmain hangs out with other mommies. Tara nearly kills Hatteras and still avoids locking up. It seems Bryce her new alter is killing all the others. This was boring.

Best Lines:
"Old guy who talks like Obi-Wan."

"My retard janitor has wise things to say."

"Mom is crazy and we treat her like she's an eccentic."


A con named Wolf gets out of prison and starts taking back all his trucks that were sold at auction. How he knew who bought them isn't explained. He also kills some punks. Jesse Metcalfe rolls over a car, Annie is wannabe tough and patrronising.

A poor man's Josh Brolin and his bimbo are the Wolf's latest targets. What is the point of this boring crap? There was no logic to this ep. Annie and her love interest bitch about his ex because tearing down his ex proves how upright he is and how they should get together now that bitch is out of his life. Charming. These people evoke about as much empathy as the shark from 'Jaws', no wonder this crud was canceled.
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Adrift + Hatchet II

Adrift (2006)

Six morons and a baby go off on a yacht. Everyone jumps or is thrown over the side (bar the baby) and they swim around. However then they notice they never put down the ladder and they can't get back onto the yacht. This was boring as everyone was a moron or a belligerent idiot. There was way too much hysteria and bad acting and it was all so STUPID: a phone is thrown away, someone is accidentally stabbed and a clothes ladder is botched. Plus the ending made no sense.

Hatchet II (2010)

I hated this piece of crap. The original was good but this was awful. It starts out badly because the original Marybeth actress does not return and instead we get Danielle Harris and her shoddy acting and wonky eyebrows. Marybeth fights off Victor Crowley and his pizza makeup with a fingerpoke of doom then she walks back to New Orleans and looks up Rev Zombie (Tony Todd).

Zombie and Justin (Parry Shen) have a cunning plan. To go back into the swamp with Marybeth and a pack of hunters to stop pizzaface aka Crowley once and for all. Cue T&A, unfunny comedy and a new version of Victor Crowley's backstory.

Marybeth and her lopsided face can't act and there is way way too much gross-out. Marybeth is a twit and never bothers to tell Justin his identical twin brother was carved up by Crowley until way, way too late. The ill-advised recasting also means Marybeth's Southern accent has vanished.

The acting is dire and full of illogic. Marybeth has no reaction when she first sees Justin and the swamp night is over bright. Everyone is an idiot who needs to die. This was terrible sexist crap. I didn't care about anyone or the shoutout to the equally dreadful 'Frozen'. There was one brief highlight, a cameo by Sarah from 'Scream Queens'.

Best Lines:
"I want my daddy to see this!"

"His presence was like a pestilence."
Scary Books

Angel & Faith Issue 1 Reviewed

Live Through This, Part One
I gave up on the 'Angel' comic at issue 38 nearly a year ago so I've no idea if that comic did anything that led up to the Twilight fiasco in season 8. Anyway in London, Angel and Faith are coping with the fallout from season 8.

We meet the villains of the arc and an old face returns plus Angel has another cunning plan. This was good with lots of plot possibilities but had too much exposition dumping.
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Review: The Best Horror of the Year Volume One

The Best Horror of the Year Volume One edited by Ellen Datlow

This was a disappointmentt, it was okay but not as good as Volume Two.

Cargo - A bad and tasteless exploitation of the Jonestown Massacre.

If Angels Fight - A confusing tale about possession.

The Clay Party - The Donner Party retold. It's okay.

Penguins of the Apocalypse - A drunk flails around in the gutter blaming everyone but himself. Boring.

Esmeralda - A hunted book depository and melodramatic women. Crap.

The Hodag - A town defends itself against the predations of a monster. Okay.

Very Low Flying Aircraft - An RAF pilot flies too low, crap.

When The Gentlemen Go By - A small town made a bargain, now one sad woman has to carry out her part. Good.

The Lagerstatte - A woman just won't get over her grief already. Drags on.

Harry And The Monkey - A boy's imaginary friend isn't so imaginary. Good.

Dress Circle - A woman goes to the opera and never leaves. WTF is the only way to describe this.

The Rising River - A woman talks to the dead. Good.

Loup-Garou - A man sees a film that changes his life. Okay but makes no sense.

Girl In Pieces - A bizarre urban fantasy noir full of various mythologies. Okay.

It Washed Up - A retelling of 'The Pied Piper'. Short but good.

The Goosle - 'Hansel and Gretel' part II, he's back and he's mad. Good.

Beach Head - A smuggler wakes up buried on a beach. Okay.

The Man From The Peak - A vampire crashes a hot-tub party. Not good at all.

The Narrows - Teachers try to lead their pupils to safety after nuclear war but safety is nowhere to be found. This is creepy and brilliant.