June 14th, 2011

Scary Books

Trailers

'Teen Wolf' promo
They're ripping off 'Twilight' and the like and they've a Taylor Lautner wannabe. I still might watch it though.

'Madhouse' (1990) trailer
A hilarious comedy about HOUSEGUESTS FROM HELL.

'No Man's Land' (1987) trailer
This has a terrible movie trailer voice over but this predates 'Fast&Furious' and it has Charlie Sheen stealing cars in it: "This ain't exactly work'. Looks ok.
Scary Books

Rubicon Ep 5 + Caprica Ep 14 Reviewed

Ep 5

Connect The Dots

Will is told to "connect the dots" and "check the white papers". He encounters missing files, wanders around and is still being watched. A team member has issues, the white papers get shredded and Will stares at post its. This was dull, nothing happened.

~
Ep 14

Blowback

Lacy is sent to STO boot camp and runs straight into a set up. The STO mole in the police is revealed as Duram's boss (Peter Wingfield) and he's also Clarice's boss. The Adama brothers yell. Daniel annoys one person too many.

Clarice finally gets hold of Zoe's tacky pin/storage device. Then she kills one of her family members. Lacy is enjoying STO boot camp and then she sees they have a cylon to get rid of the wash outs. This was okay but where are Lacy's family?
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: XMen First Class + The Breed

XMen First Class (2011)
This is an okay prequel/reboot/whatever. It tells of how the Xmen came to be and how Magneto became a bad guy, also it reveals a mutant caused the Cuban Missile Crisis. It has comedy (like a hilarious cameo), Erik broods wonderfully and some nice SFX but it's a bit lacking.

The acting can be wooden: Emma Frost and Raven are especially guilty of this. Emma's best scene is when she gets Shaw some ice for his drink, it's funny. Plus Shaw has two male henchmen: Azazel (Jason Flemyng of 'Primeval') barely speaks, looks like he's covered in lipstick and doesn't get any cool fight scenes while the other guy doesn't speak or get a name. Plus what sort of supervillian name is Riptide anyway?

Why did no-one care when a character switched sides? Shouldn't Charles have been in pain and or bleeding to death from his injury while everyone stood around posing? Did Shaw have to keep saying: "Children of the atom" every other scene? Why does Magneto sound Irish? Why are Moira and Banshee American?

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The Breed (2006)
Two lost morons on a boat with no concept of trespass laws end up on an island and became monster chow. Later on five idiots in a sea plane show up. They're 'students' but come across as sub-literate idiots who are high all the time.

One blonde idiot gets bitten by a wild dog. Another idiot pouts and doesn't want to leave, never mind that his friend could have rabies or an infection, he wants to hang out! Everyone decides to stay despite the wild dog, possible rabies and someone having a wild animal bite.

The idiots wander around in the wood and discover there isn't just one wild dog, there is a whole angry hungry pack of them. Cue running, screaming and a mis-aimed arrow. This was over-ripe and the fact that the Seeing Eye Dog Training Centre on a remote island turned out to be a cover for an attack dog breeding programme is no surprise, except to the idiots in this film.

There's a scene that rips off 'Deep Blue Sea', injuries are walked off and a dumb idiot ending. Did Michelle Rodriguez and Hill Harper have tax bills to pay off?

Best Lines:
"I'm actually surprised he left us the place. He was always so afraid you were going to burn it down."

"I'm in some serious need of some painkillers."

"Give Cujo my best."
Scary Books

Sister Light, Sister Dark +Final Friends Trilogy Reviewed

Sister Light, Sister Dark by Jane Yolen
A tale of prophecy, warrior women, a king's son, the birth of a new mythology and the death of a culture. This is a very good fantasy tale. Jenna is the subject of destiny in her own time while generations later a pompous historian sifts through the ephemera of Jenna's time and gets it all wrong. This is just engrossing.

~
Final Friends Trilogy by Christopher Pike
This 1993 book gathers together Pike's teen mystery trilogy originally published back in 1988. 'Final Friends' centres on the Senior Class of Tabb High and the various horrors that befall them. It's an okay read with lots and lots of characters.

There's Jessica the superficial vain mean girl. Alice the flake. Sara the cynic. Clair the cheerleader. Clark the weirdo. Michael Olson the stalking obsessive moralistic NICE GUY. Bill the football star. Maria the quiet one. Polly is Alice's older flakier sister. Nick is the transfer student from East LA. Russ is the school drunk/track star. The Rock is a jerk. Kats is the pushing 20 loser who still hasn't got his diploma. Finally there is Bubba the fat sexist misogynist cool guy on campus and he's a whiz at the early internet and is mobbed up, we've found Pike's Mary-Sue!

Book 1: The Party
It's dated with references to CRT's, the Soviets, Coke classic, people say "far out" a lot, there are hideous clothes and the internet that is used is so primitive. The underlying issues of sexism, racism and homophobia is mostly ignored, though it is there.

At the start of the school year at Tabb High in the OC, Alice decides to hold a party. Everyone thinks its a "far out" idea despite Alice being a flake with a personality disorder and an unhealthy attachment to creepy older men. In 2011, Alice would be Kiki Kannibal.

Michael who is a NICE GUY obsesses over Alice and sees her as his soul mate. He goes to the party as do a lot of others. But as the party winds down only the main cast remain hanging out. The shallow, superficial twits run around. Alice's party is going to be memorable for being filled with violence and a death. This was good.

Book 2: The Dance
Two months after Alice's ill-fated party, dogged NICE GUY Michael continues his obsessive quest for THE TRUTH while being a jerk. Bubba sleazes around. Jessica is obsessed with being Homecoming Queen. Sara and Russ' romance is shaky. Self centred girls and repellent guys run around. Jessica's SAT exam ends in disaster because she's a moron. Then the dance takes place, the Queen is crowned and then the dance ends in horror. This was okay.

Book 3: The Graduation
It's five months since the accident/sabotage at the dance. Jessica is still vapid,shallow and dumb. Micheal is still ranting and picking fights and thinking that Bubba the blackmailing misogynist is the best guy ever.

The villain of the piece is unmasked which could have been done ages ago if the idiots looked beyond their own navels. The graduation ends in terror. This was okay. But the trilogy was packed with privileged dislikeable scumbags.

Best Lines:
"So why don't we take your nice axe and put it in my car and I'll drive you home."

"He's not her boyfriend. He's just someone who comes over and eats our food."

"You're going to have a party at your house you're never going to forget 'cause I'm going to drown you in your goddamn swimming pool."

"She was back in the snack bar when she opened her yearbook. Her scream frightened everyone."

"What were the chances Tabb High had two psychotics?"

"He can do anything! He's a sorcerer! He has the spirits of dead Indians do whatever he wants!"
"I've got to meet this guy."
Scary Books

Fringe Season 3 Ep 21 +Supernatural Season 6 Ep 1 Reviewed

Ep 21

The Last Sam Weiss

Peter's in a coma and lightening storms rage. Sam Weiss babbles, Olivia laps it up. Peter wakes up and wanders around, no-one cares. He has TV amnesia, no-one cares not even the writers.

What was the point of the museum scene? Or the key? Or Sam Weiss? Olivia uses another of her ass pull powers. Walter tells Olivia how wonderful she is. Everyone trusts Sam. Peter visits 2021. This was okay.

~
Ep 1

Exile On Main St

Dean's been living with Lisa and Ben for a year. He has a job, friends and a love interest. All is well despite Lisa shellacking herself with fake tan. Oh and the opening credits are ugly.

Dean has a vision of the Yellow-Eyed-Demon overacting and then Sam shows up to ruin Dean's life, again. Sam is a lying jerk, again. Mary's jerk relatives the Campbell's including Mary's dead father Samuel show up. They want Dean's help to fight some djinn.

In seasons 1&2 Sam and Dean didn't meet any other hunters and now they're tripping over squads of them every week. Sigh. Bobby shows up to be hateful, die already Bobby and take a shower too.

Dean runs back to Lisa and her bad fillers to get away from the collection of shifty Campbell jerks and his thankless jerk brother. This was okay. But since when do djinn act like the ones in this ep? Why oh why are TPTB inflicting Samuel and his kinfolk on us? Will Bobby just die? What is TPTB fascination with Bobby?
Scary Books

Psychoville Series 2 Ep 6 +Bones Season 6 Ep 23 Reviewed

Ep 6

Finney the cop/hitman wants to do some murdering. David gets a girlfriend. Finney gets got. The dead are brought back. It turns out the locket wasn't the big deal after all, it was the chain. The librarian cracks up. Someone else gets got. Someone gets arrested and that is that. This was okay.

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Ep 23

The Change in the Game

A body that looks like lasagna with teeth turns up in a bowling alley. The wretched Sweets is a truly awful character and thankfully isn't in this ep much. Booth and Brennan go undercover at a bowling game as Springer escapees Buck and Wanda.

There's an awful child, various stereotypes, an umpire called The Raven who is weird and a bowling lane that is too lucky. Angela gives birth, there's a hilarious internet video and a final revelation that is done while Adele wails on the soundtrack. This was goodish.

Best Lines:
"Take a chill pill you poisonous little dwarf!"

"Have him checked out for a case of the killer crazies."

"I have a family. Well sort of. The woman I see sometimes, her stepkid seems to like me."

"You'd have killed him too. He never washed his feet."