May 31st, 2011

Scary Books

The Event Ep 21 +Caprica Ep 11 Reviewed

Two canceled tv shows for the price of one! Roll on 'Alcatraz' and 'Ringer'.

Ep 21

The Beginning of the End

Fat Sean rants and is stupid. Sean, Vicky, Sterling and Simon meet. Sean's stupid and aggressive. Jarvis annoys as he gloats. Aliens blather about "We were here first". Martinez wakes up and goes back to work. Simon won't explain why the aliens are here. The portal opens. This was okay but what became of the crazy reporter woman and her conspiracy nut little buddy?

Ep 11


Lacy takes part in a failed attack and is stupid. Daniel is gross. There is a thunderstorm. Amanda recalls stuff. Clarice kills some STO kids and her family seems to have vanished. This ep was all boring shrieking incoherence.

Agent Duram asks Amanda for help. Keon is killed off. Clarice is all: "History will absolve me." No it won't because it won't even recall you.

Best Lines:
"If there is an STO presence in that school, she's obviously protecting the students who are involved in it. But that doesn't mean she's involved."
"Sir, that is pretty much the definition of involved."


Trailers and Stuff

'Just My Luck' Quotes
"Clogged toilet in the men's room."
"And I'm looking forward to plunging it."

"How's my furniture?"
"Don't worry about that. We'll burn it before it can contaminate anyone else."

'Gilmore Girls' Quote
"A cheese plate? Since when is a hunk of fermented milk a suitable means for celebrating a marriage?"

'Ringer' preview
Two sisters. Nestor Carbonell! Identity switch! Secrets and lies! Looks good.

'The Secret Circle' trailer

'Torchwood: Miracle Day' trailer
Looks good.

'Alcatraz' trailer
Sam Neill! Hurley! Looks good, hope it lasts longer than 'Six Degrees'.

'The Perfect Bride' (1991) trailer
Psycho blonde bride-to-be. Looks like cheesy fun.

'Star Trek Voyager' ep promo 'Unity'
From 1997!?! I loved this ep.

'Doctor Who' ep promo 'A Good Man Goes To War'
That looks good, please will TPTB get rid of Amy Pond.
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Tomorrow Code+Children of the Storm

The Tomorrow Code by Brian Falkner
Teenagers Tane and Rebecca receive a message from the future. It is a warning and they struggle to decipher the instructions and prevent a disaster. This is an okay sci-fi tale full of techno babble (quantum foam???) but it is enjoyable and bleak.

Star Trek Voyager: Children of the Storm by Kirsten Beyer
After 'Full Circle' and 'Unworthy', the 'Voyager' reboot comes to a screeching halt with this misfire. This book is boring and full of author tracts on motherhood and the wonder of psychoanalysis.

The fleet encounter an alien race called the Children of the Storm. Cue interior monologues, bungled diplomacy, Tom and B'Elanna worshiping their offspring and Harry Kim being boring.

Chakotay does nothing but think and talk about how wonderful Janeway was. Captain Eden's quest bores. The ship's counselor annoys and Seven has been softened so much she is just pathetic now. Neelix is brought back to exposition dump and worship the Voyager crew. All in all this is a dull uninteresting place holder.
Scary Books

Fringe Season 3 Ep 19+Rubicon Ep 3 Reviewed

Ep 19

Lysergic Acid Diethylamide

I can't take this plotline seriously with Olivia's idiot accent. Everyone is popping LSD to get Bell out of Olivia. Walter and Peter enter Olivia's mind to get Bell out (no sensory deprivation tank needed).

It's like 'Inception'. Peter wears shades, there is animation, zombies and a bizarre ending. This was ridiculous, I am not buying the season 3 DVD.

Ep 3

Keep The Ends Out

Maggie's ex Craig shows up to bond with their daughter. Will continues to work on the "Yuri thing." His dead mentor's snot of a son Evan shows up to be whining and jealous and prodigal. Will discovers more secrets and more overly complicated codes. One of Will's team Miles obsesses over work and ignores his family. This was okay, who is watching Will?
Scary Books

V Season 2 Ep 10 Review

Mother's Day
Lisa is fake abducted, Erica's finally back at work, Marcus lurks and another stupid plan is hatched. This was all incredibly stupid and populated by stupid people. Diana makes a big speech and is killed off, did no-one see Anna coming?

Lisa's locked up. Marcus cosies up to Anna. Ryan is killed by his bratty daughter. Tyler's stupid. Anna hatches a new daughter. Hobbes vanishes and we get to see what V's really look like: size 0 lizards.

Chad is stupid and arrested. Tyler is stupid and is dinner for Anna's new daughter. Amy can't act. Erica meets Lars (Marc Singer, who can't act) and learns of Project Ares which is a real proper resistance populated by competent people. Naturally she runs out the door into danger to investigate the scary noise.

Anna and Amy bliss humanity. WTF is bliss? Only Project Ares escapes bliss. Jack is blissed. Erica pulls faces, the V's have won. The End. This was dire. How can Amy bliss? Is Anna's new daughter pregnant? What happens to humanity? Where is Hobbes?

Best Line:
"Who've long suspected the V's are not of peace...that they've been here a lot longer than anyone has imagined."
Scary Books

The Green Hornet: Aftermath Issue 2 Review

How long after the movie is this set? Because The Sentinel offices look totally different. The two DHS officers with no concept of work appropriate attire continue to search for the Hornet. They've a suspect, but are way way off base.

The identities of the new newest costumed weirdos in town is casually revealed. There's a bounty on the Hornet's head. The cops are looking for him and the Hornet and Kato have just walked into some unintended consequences of their crime fighting. This was good. Where is Axford?
Scary Books

Tape Tale of 2002

Cleared out a tape from 2002. It had two season 3 'Roswell' eps as well as the final 'The X Files' season 9 ep on it.

First up was the 'Roswell' ep 'Four Aliens and a Baby' which looked cheap and showcased some hideous dye jobs. Isabel (Katherine Heigl) and her husband Jesse (Adam Rodriguez) have issues. Tess (Emile De Ravin of 'Lost') returns to be annoying,

Valenti has 70's hair. Isabel and Max's parents have finally copped on to the whole 'alien' thing. The military are looking for them. Max gives his and Tess' son up for adoption. People remember Alex and the fact Tess killed him. This was dull.

Then came the 'X Files' ep 'The Truth' which was a clip show and a misfire. Then came the final ever 'Roswell' ep 'Graduation' in which Liz has alien powers for some reason, there is bad acting and Max rips off 'Superman III'. The kids graduate, why aren't Isabel and Michael graduating?

Max, Isabel, Micheal, Liz, Kyle and Maria cram into one tiny van and ride off to escape the military. They leave behind their parents, possessions, family, college plans and careers. Isabel dumps Jesse, but hey Liz and Max marry and she wears some white abomination, Liz's dad cries and this is supposed to be happy? WTF?
Scary Books

More trailers

'Fright Night' (2011) trailer
I didn't think it possible but this remake looks even worse than the dire original.

'Horrible Bosses' trailer
Hollywood hates women.

'The River' promo
Bruce Greenwood lost in the Amazon. His family look for him. This looks good: "Someone survived."
Scary Books

The Event Ep 22 Review

The Arrival
The final ever ep splats to earth like a cow pat. Sean and Leila bore. Samantha is mentioned but is not seen. Jarvis is still stupid. The virus release is foiled. People shoot at each other. The truth about the annoying Jarvis finally comes out and Martinez is POTUS again.

What became of Jarvis? Oh who cares. Sophia is stupid and needs shooting and yes her son deserved to die. Sean needs to shut up. Why does Simon not reveal what he knows? What are the scrolls all about? What was the point of Dempsey? Why was he experimenting on hybrids? Why were the parents of the hybrids never mentioned again? WTF was all this about?

Simon, Sterling, Sophia and Martinez hang out at the White House and then Sophia's people show up as their crispy planet comes through the portal. WTF? Christina is an alien. Leila's knocked up. Vicky loves Sean. Sophia needs shooting. The End. This was utter rubbish.

Best Lines:
"What about Jarvis?"

"This place was our home before it was yours."

Scary Books

Retro Review: Freaklinks (2000-2001) Ep 1

Subject: Fearsum
In 1998 Adam created a website (on geocities?) to track down the strange and unusual. Derek his twin brother was the investigator until Adam killed himself. It seems Derek was off investigating a spontaneously combusting lap dancer while Adam was committing suicide (or was he?).

Adam lived in a big creepy house and Derek found him dead in the bath in a display of horrendous acting. That was three years ago. The opening credits to this show are lame. Anyway Derek and his comic relief sidekick Jason now run the website which Derek renamed freakylinks. Derek's a moron and there is a token woman named Lan who has a helium voice.

Derek is sent some bizarre footage that suggests Adam isn't dead. Derek looks up Adam's galpal Chloe. This show looks cheap and dated. The word "croatoan" is thrown around. Derek doesn't know it, which is dumb.

The Roanoke Colony story is retold via flashbacks. Virgina Dare the first colonist child born in what was not yet America is described as: "A shapeshifter sent back from the depths of hell." For some reason a loony named Vince (Dennis Christopher of 'Profiler') shows up to rant.

There is bad acting, incoherent dialogue, glyphs on walls, a ridiculous baddie, an amulet and this was bad. Really, really bad. 'Freedom' was better than this.

Best Lines:
"Have I ever let you down? This week?"

"The wack pack have been busy."