May 3rd, 2011

Scary Books

The Event Ep 18 Review


In Russia, some dead meat types do some unscientific hacking at a corpse. Jarvis’ scummy behaviour reaches new lows. Martinez is poisoned and suffers a massive stroke.

In their usual bad acted boring plots Sean and Vicky run around. Blake looks for a way to foil Jarvis. Sophia is disgusting. Michael and Leila bore. Simon is nowhere to be seen.

The corpse is a victim of the Spanish Flu and so Vicky and Sean have to chase its lungs to the USA. Blake’s plans to thwart Jarvis are thwarted or are they? Martinez’s wife Christina continues her badly acted histrionics.

This was not as good as it could have been. How are Sean and Vicky paying for their adventures and wouldn’t Blake have noticed the coffee stain before he did? Why aren't they looking for who helped Simon escape? Why is no-one concerned that Simon was an alien?

Best Line:
“If you go in there with anything less than a smoking gun, you’ll look like a lunatic.”

Exile, Part 2 (2011) Reviewed

Tom looks into Metzler (Timothy West). Nancy does know about Sam attacking Tom and tries to explain it away as being due to stress. Tom continues to care for his abuser. Meanwhile an unwelcome sub plot concerning Tom’s affair with Nancy who is married to his on off childhood best friend continues. Tom has no shame.

Metzler is a local big wig and is unscary. Sam investigated him while deputy editor of the local paper. There were some rumblings about Metzler being involved in a care home controversy. Tom tries to get Sam to recall what happened.

Tom shags Nancy and tracks down Sam’s former secretary Wendy. She doesn’t want to help. She also knows about Sam attacking Tom. Nancy sings ‘Toxic’ at a karaoke night. An appropriate comment on this broken family. Tom continues to have flashbacks to his father smashing his face into a desk.

Tom is menaced by coppers and told to get out of town. He ignores this and hangs out with Mandy the slapper and takes his dad to a football game. But then the ante is upped when Tom is sent information that once again shatters his relationship with his father. This was okay but not as good as part 1. Mostly due to the unconvincing romance with Mandy and Metzler looming like a big unscary thing.
Scary Books

Retro Review: Surface (2005 – 2006) Eps 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 13 and 15

This was a nice mystery about something lurking in the water, the perfect hiding place. Naturally it was cancelled.

Ep 1
A nuclear submarine goes missing and then turns up covered in bite marks and the crew are AWOL. This was a huge deal but never explained. Dr Cirko investigates. Meanwhile Laura (Lake Bell) threatens her child’s stuffed toys with scissors to make him obey.

Tweenager Miles bores as he brings home an egg he find at sea. He puts it in the family aquarium. His family are so vile its amazing Miles never shot gunned them. Rich and his redneck cohorts decide to go diving near an oil rig off New Orleans. Rich’s dive goes bad as he blacks out and his brother is never found.

Laura goes down in a submersible named Mystic to collect hot vent ecosystem samples. There’s a field of craters and sea creatures swim up and out to the shock of Laura. Her boss (Conor O’Farrell of ‘Dark Skies’) is doubtful. But the Mystic is confiscated by Cirko’s team.

The acuqirum in Miles’ home explodes. Laura wants to work with Cirko. A sea creature carcass washes up on a beach. Cirko shows off a huge sea creature tooth. He works for the government investigating the sea creatures, for now anyway. This was good. The whole mystery grips. But why were the sea creatures burrowing out of or into the Earth’s crust if they are manmade? Was this all part of a plan to create a world where inhuman creatures would rule without mercy or order?

Best Lines:
“I was the one that saw it! Alone! At 5,000 feet! I was the one that saw it in a disabled submersible!”

“I waited tables four nights a week to pay for tuition and daycare.”

Ep 2
Miles’ brat sister Savannah (Leighton Meester) and her mother scream. The lighthouse at the Cape of Good Hope is destroyed by sea creature. Cirko meets his new boss, Pentagon representative Lee (Ian Anthony Dale of ‘The Event’). Lee lurks in his natty suit and crewcut. Cirko apparently never wondered about Lee, to his cost.

Cirko and co investigate the sea creature carcass. FEMA orders an evacuation. Rich and Laura meet for the first time. Lee menaces Rich. It would be ep 14 before the two had their memorable brawl.

The egg Miles has hatched into a cute little sea creature. Miles calls it Nimrod and adopts it as his pet. Laura gets a carcass sample. Her son declares: “Tonight was the best night of my life.”

Laura is banned from her work place and loses her job. Her boss is not seen again after this ep. Cirko has a worldwide casualty map. Lee and Cirko have a moment, shame it’ll be the last. This was good in the final scene, in one of the show’s most memorable moments a boat load of Australian bogans are swallowed in one gulp by a massive sea creature.

Best Lines:
We’re going to see mommy’s vertebrate.”

“You always keep camo in the back of your truck?”

“Goodnight sweet prince. Sorry about the creepy dead hack fish and felony trespassing.”


Ep 3
Idiots fall into a whirlpool. Rich and his family go on a trip. Laura contacts Cirko; she wants to work with him. Savannah annoys. Laura will not stop talking about her encounter with a new vertebrate and as a result is accused of plagiarism in her thesis and her degree is under review. She’s now unemployable, rather like Stuart Townsend.

Miles and Rich converse in a chatroom about sea creatures. Lee lurks. Laura listens to hydrophone tape. Rich freaks out. Nimrod burns down a playhouse. Lee menaces Laura and Old Faithful spews lava. This was good.

Why was Laura’s friend in this ep never seen again? Why are the creatures burrowing up from magma and swimming around in it?

Best Lines:
“Is that age appropriate behaviour?”

“Containments my speciality.”

“The sea contains many mysteries.”

“At least I still have some kid in me.”
“Yeah I can see that, you’re heading towards a playhouse!”

“I wrote my thesis on caffeine pills and white wine.”

“Why don’t you just file for unemployment now and get a jump on it?”

Ep 5
Laura has tagged a sea creature and is tracking it. Rich and Laura hook up. Laura isn’t exactly an attentive mother. An evil animal control officer shows up to look for Nimrod. Miles’ family are horrible as his idiot running around plotline drags on. Rich’s wife is an idiot and ununderstanding.

The tagged creature comes very close to land and so Rich and Laura try to film it. The creature is seen by a lot of people but the creature seems to create an EMP that wipes any footage. Cirko offers Laura a job; both are unaware that it will not work out well for either of them. This was okay.

What happened to the submarine crew? What exactly is Lee’s job description? Did the creature swim back out to sea?

Ep 7
Lots and lots of sea monsters are lurking. Laura strips down to her underwear and greases herself up with Rich’s chainsaw oil. Miles is on the run with Nimrod. Laura meets her friend Jackson on his boat ‘Grassy Knoll’.

Laura, Rich and Jackson investigate the "frakenflower" they got from Cirko. Miles’ idiot plotline bores. Now Cirko is dead, Lee lurks and the questions as to who he really works for and why are teased but will never be answered. What was the purpose of the creatures? An invasive species with no predators?

Miles’ parents are as ever evil. Laura, Rich and Jackson plan to turn a boiler into a submarine. A dragnet is after Miles for some bizarre reason. Nimrod swims to safety. This was good. But why do the creatures need electricity and cause thunderstorms? Who killed Cirko? What is the overall plan with the creatures? Did Lee have anything to do with Cirko’s death? Why kill Cirko?

Best Lines:
“You couldn’t keep a tail on two civilians in a pickup truck?”

“You’re lucky I’m rich and bored.”

“Are mom and dad freaking out?”
“No, they’ve never been prouder. They say they’ve always wanted to have a killer in the family.”

Ep 13
Rich’s wife wants nothing to do with him. The townspeople in Miles’ hometown plan a hunt of Nimrod and the other creatures and so cock their guns dramatically. Laura gets information from scientist Samantha Morris (Martha Plimpton).

The sea creatures are a result of genetic engineering by the world’s biggest pharmaceutical company, apparently. To expose the truth Laura and Rich explore an abandoned bio-tech firm. Laura rejects Rich’s offer of a gun so he shrugs and says “Die then.” That makes her take it.

Meanwhile Miles acts psycho. The creatures attack the trigger happy townsfolk and Lee lurks. Laura and Rich find a film from 1957 that reveals a stunning secret about Lee. Something never followed up on. This was good. Who is paying for all this? Did the corporation kill Cirko?

Best Lines:
Societal concepts of morality.”

“You cloned a sheep in the 1960’s?”

“A custodial attitude towards the biosphere.”

“You are opening a door that cannot be closed.”

Ep 15
The final ever ep. Lee is not in this ep and isn’t even mentioned. So the jaw dropping revelation that he was made by the corporation he works for is never followed up on. Why was he cloned? We’ll never know. Let’s just presume he is elsewhere dealing with the shock revelation that he is a cold murderous clone.

Rich is held prisoner by the corporation who don’t kill him for some reason. He learns a stunning truth about the missing Jackson. Miles and his evil parents prepare to evacuate as a tsunami is coming, this doesn’t involve turning off the power in their house. Miles’ gal pal Caitlin has ridiculous adventures on her scooter.

Laura finally worries about her ex-husband and their son. She saves Rich. The sea creatures eat a reporter on live TV. The tsunami comes and so do the sea creatures. Caitlin, Nimrod, Miles, Rich and Laura meet up and end up in a church steeple as the town is flooded and the sea creatures swim around them. Laura gasps: “It’s a new world.” And end show.

So that was the corporation’s plan? A new world? What’ll become of Caitlin, Nimrod, Miles, Rich and Laura? They can’t get down, there is no food and they’re surrounded by sea creatures? Where are Lee and Jackson? We’ll never know. It’s a game changing cliffhanger that’ll never be resolved. This was mediocre.

What is with the corporation’s monorail that goes to the bottom of the world? They knew about the tsunami? Is this part of the plan? Did they plan to remake the world? What happened to Miles’ idiot friend? Why did the corporation create cloned animals, sea creatures and Lee? Why did they have a secret lair? What was the end game?

Why was Rich having visions of water and holes and his dead brother and why did they stop? Why was Lee working with Cirko? Was Cirko right in his talk about cataclysms? What was Lee’s purpose besides lurking? What happened to Rich’s brother? Was Jackson a baddie? What happened to that missing submarine crew?

Best Lines:
Get on your scooter and go.”

“Why’s the car stopped?”

“I’m banging as hard as I can.”