March 22nd, 2011

Scary Books

Bones Season 6 Ep 11

The Bullet in the Brain

I haven’t watched this show is ages but I tuned in because of the Gravedigger plotline. The Gravedigger goes to court for an appeal and is shot dead. No-one is upset.

Sweets annoys, bring back Zack. Angela is still selfish and annoying. The latest reoccurring villain in the form of a sniper (Arnold Vosloo, who looks seriously rough) emerges.

A cleaning product named ‘Clogo’ is used, it’s a good name but not as good as the wonderful ‘Liquid Purge’ mentioned in a season 4 ‘Prison Break’ ep. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“You’re forced to live every day as a repressed immature imbecile spouting canned theories to people who don’t really care.”

“What she say?”
“Nothing worth repeating.”

Scary Books


Dr Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog’ trailer
Looks cheap and dumb.

‘Fringe’ 3x18 promo
Lincoln Lee! I smell a call back to a season 1 ep.

Red Riding Hood’ trailer
This looks weird.

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever’ trailer
This looks gross and stupid.
Scary Books

Quotes of the Day

Profit’ Quotes

“I’m looking to meet a new husband, since you killed the last one.”

“Is that grief in her eyes or is she hiding something?”

“Her obsessive personality is undoubtedly the result of a severe childhood trauma.”

“When you want someone to love you, open your heart. When you want someone obsessed with you, close it.”

“You can’t expect everyone to like you.”

“The day he gets hit by a bus, I believe in god again.”

The King of the Crags’ Quotes

I seem to have become a King since last we met.”

“Goblet throwing, the sport of Kings.”

“I do so enjoy a good conspiring.”

Scary Books

The Event Ep 12 Review


Is this cancelled yet? Thomas cows an entire platoon of military men with his ugly haircut. Maya blathers. Thomas frees the Inostranka detainees and kills those who side with his mommy. But the majority side with Thomas and skip off with him.

Senator Lewis annoys. Sean meets Sophia. Leila sensibly asks her alien daddy some questions but all he reveals is that he is from a planet that humans designate MGC253. Oh and Sean can’t know anything. No problem Michael, Sean doesn’t know anything period.

Leila fails to ask why Michael won’t reveal anything, what his people call themselves or their planet and why they look just like us.

Leila has no fits of rage or sorrows when Michael reveals he is an alien. Who else guesses that Leila’s hybridity is the key to resolving the human/whatever they are conflict?

Fresh from overthrowing Mommy Dearest’s authority, Thomas slaps Blake around. Blake does not recognise Thomas. They met in the ep when Blake suspected Simon was an alien but Thomas fixed that. Speaking of that rather enjoyable ep, Thomas framed Murphy for all the stuff Simon did. Murphy was last seen being hauled off, so what became of him? Speaking of vanishing characters: where is the Vice President?

This show’s grasp on reality is weak. Thomas is a ludicrous villain, badly written and badly miscast. Maya helps Blake in a non shocking act of rebellion. Sean abandons Leila. The annoying old fart moves rocks around on another rock.

Are we supposed to see Sean as a decisive, rational, unfalteringly, honourable image of moral faultlessness? I’m sure he ditched Leila because one he learns of her ET heritage, he sees her as something strange, uncanny and possibly threatening. This was awful; I miss the non-linear storytelling of earlier eps. I miss Simon doing interesting stuff instead of being Sophia's tagalong yes man.
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: The Mammoth Book of Extreme Fantasy + Changes + Mere Anarchy

The Mammoth Book of Extreme Fantasy edited by Mike Ashley
This is a good collection of fantasy tales. The quality varies wildly from really good to total misfire.

Senator Bilbo
A sort of sequel to ‘Lord of the Rings’ follows a descendant of Bilbo who has become a hate filled politician. This is okay.

A boy turns to dark magic for revenge. This is good.

Lost Wax
A boy wants magic. This is okay.

Banquet of the Lords of Night
A man strikes back at those who rule. This was excellent.

Master Lao and the Flying Horror
A kung fu master and his apprentices fight vampires in this ‘Big Trouble In Little China’ style adventure. This is excellent.

The Fence at the End of the World
Two little girls at a fence. Nothing creepy about that right? Wrong. This is very good.

Elric at the Edge of Time
A barbarian stumbles across time travellers. This is okay.

Cup and Table
A quest for the Holy Grail is very dark indeed. This is very good.

I, Haruspex
A man guards the gateway to hell, he thinks. This is disturbing but very good. It has a supremely creepy ending.

The Tower of Babylon
A tower to heaven is built. What will they find? This is good.

A Ring of Green Fire
A mysterious disease strikes in Medieval England. What is the cause of it? This is good.

Best Line:
A race of the Old Ones older than any Old Ones except the Elder Old Ones of Ancient Thriss.”

The Dresden Files: Changes by Jim Butcher
The 12th novel in the series sees Harry Dresden go through a crucible of fire. He learns he has a child with Susan Rodriguez. A child now stolen by the vampires of the Red Court.

Harry will do anything, anything at all to save her. And the price he will pay is a high one. This is an appropriately named book as after this, nothing can ever be the same again. This is a good compelling read. I book forward to the next instalment ‘Ghost Story’.

Best Line:
He had the kind of face that belonged on billboards. Mine belonged on wanted posters.”

Star Trek: Mere Anarchy by Mike W. Barr, Christopher L. Bennett, Margaret Wander Bonanno, Dave Galanter, Dayton Ward & Kevin Dilmore & Howard Weinstein
A saga that centres on the planet Mestiko and how the crew of the Enterprise interacts with it over three decades. Originally published as 6 ebooks, they’re gathered together here for the unwary to stumble upon. I misliked this.

Things Fall Apart
Mestiko is a pre-first contact world that is in danger from a rogue pulsar. The Enterprise after pages of Prime Directive babbling tries to protect the planet. But Mestiko is still devastated by radiation. This was dull and introduces the Mestiko leader the supercilious Raya. As for the ‘threat’, a rogue pulsar? A rogue pulsar? Seriously?!?

The Centre Cannot Hold
Mestiko’s first contact came with the pulsar so here is anti-alien feeling. The Enterprise returns to assist with efforts to clean the planet’s atmosphere. Raya is snotty and thankless. The Klingons lurk. This was annoying and full of morons.

Shadows of the Indignant
Kirk and McCoy investigate odd goings on in the shipping routes hear Mestiko. Is there no-one else working in Starfleet? Kirk gets into fist fights, this was dull.

The Darkness Drops again
In this anti-religion rant the Mestiko government of the obnoxious Raya is overthrown in a coup. So she goes whining and moaning into exile This was irritating.

The Blood-Dimmed Tide
What has Mestiko been doing since the counter coup? Building a doomsday weapon which has now been stolen. This feels dated as it reads like a Trek novel from the 1990s.

It’s Hour Come Round At Last
McCoy unravels a medical mystery on Mestiko as Raya realises she loved the late Kirk all along. Uninteresting.
Scary Books

Survivors (1975 – 1977) Review, Part 5

Series 2

Ep 5

Face of the Tiger
You know the iconic opening titles which show how the virus spread makes no real sense. Why did Jenny and Greg hook up? She’s a doormat and he’s a jerk. The womenfolk at Whitecross bake bread and reduce fat. The shepard Hubert is misliked by Greg (and everyone else) because he wears a flat cap and doesn’t wash.

A stranger shows up named Alistair. Charles greets him while wearing a billowing open red shirt. Alistair is fawned over as he reads poetry. He’s fawned over so much Ruth breaks the 10 day quarantine rule. Hubert objects to Alistair getting a nice room while he is forced to live in squalor.

Poor Hubert is the Whitecross scapegoat. Jenny whines about Ruth wanting to make soap and then has a good cry because she is useless. Alistair shows off his spotless white wool sweater while carrying around a newspaper clipping about him. Hubert finds it, reads it and learns Alistair is a convicted child killer. He reveals this to everyone.

Alistair then gets a chance to tell his side (something poor Barney never got back in series 1). Alistair’s excuse? The kid was asking for it and the Whitecross jerks decide to let him stay because he’s not Hubert. No, seriously. Alistair creeps off anyway. The Whitecross morons call him a “poor man”. Jenny is the loudest of all as she says she’ll “miss” him and rants about how much she hates being “stuck” with Hubert.

This was okay but words fail me they really do. Greg led a lynch mob against the innocent Barney in series 1. Is this supposed to be character growth? Everyone fawning over Alistair is just creepy and their scapegoating of Hubert for being working class and daring to object to people not helping to fix his leaky roof is stomach churning.

Best Lines:
You seem a very friendly and sensible people.”
“Well, we haven’t taken to cannibalism yet.”

“From now on I do as much as anybody else, which isn’t much.”

Ep 6

The Witch
Mina a reclusive Whitecross resident wheels her baby around in a pram. Who’s the daddy? Remembering Charles in series 1, I wondered if it was his. The obnoxious kids annoy, people blame Hubert because the cows are dry and Pet can’t be bothered to help Mina with her baby. All in all another charming day at Whitecross.

Greg and Charles try to get a watermill going. Where did it come from? Hubert fancies Mina and indulges in some stalking. The kids start saying Mina is a witch. Mina quickly replaces Hubert as the Whitecross scapegoat. She is blamed for Hubert spraining his leg, the cows drying up, the potatoes not sprouting and she’s also accused of trying to poison Pet.

Peggy starts ranting and obviously stumbles over a line of dialogue. Pet also starts shrieking accusations. Peggy steals Mina’s baby and then waves a cross at Mina. Pet yells some more. Greg yells. These people are jerks, they look human but there’s nothing inside. Charles sorts it all out. This was ridiculous.

Best Lines:
Mina’s a witch isn’t she?”
“Yeah well, that’s not what I’d call her.”

“Now I know the real meaning of boredom.”

“You can get the hell out of this settlement and go and contaminate somewhere else.”

Ep 7

A Friend In Need
Ian McCulloch who played Greg wrote this ep. The settlement heads met up, Greg fails to win them over. Since when do Charles and co have a windmill? They learn a sniper is on the loose. Greg and Charles investigate, the horrible child actors mess things up by breaking the shotgun.

Jenny thinks Vic is the sniper. As Greg and Charles hunt the heavy breathing sniper it is obviously that the grass is freshly mown. Greg objects to the sniper having killed eight women because they might have had kids at some future date. Greg is a horrible horrible git.

There’s no sign of Mina in this ep, the sniper hunt comes to an end as the stupid kids run off to join in. Those kids need a slap. The sniper is dealt with, it’s not Vic but the ‘twist’ is not interesting. This ep was moronical.

Ep 8

By Bread Alone
I think series 2 peaked with ‘Lights of London parts 1&2’. The obsession with agrarian living is too much. Cute lil’ lambs run around baaaaaing. Annoying new characters with bad teeth chortle. Who are Lewis and Alan? Where did they come from? Alan objects to having to work and calls Charles the “commandant”. He has a point.

Pet whines. Alan wears an orange vest. Lewis wears a dazzlingly white freshly ironed dress shirt with not a drop of sweat or speck of dirt on it. Greg and co make methane. His baby son Paul is ignored. Greg wears a billowing open denim shirt and says Jenny has post natal depression. Since when? Why doesn’t he care for his child?

The vile child actors need a slap. Lewis turns out to be a parson. Hubert suddenly looks a bit cleaner. An Italian named Daniella speaks in comical broken English. Jenny whines, which is all she done so far in series 2. Two hippies named Phillip and Judy whine and decide to leave to get away from the Whitecross whiners. Charles and Greg whine.

Phillip accuses Charles of communism and point out there is a “boss class” at Whitecross. This is exactly Hubert’s complaint from ep 5. Phillip however is listened to as he’s not working class. Lewis holds a service. This was okay but did anyone ever fix Hubert’s roof?

Best Lines:
Where was God in the plague?”
“Man made the plague.”

“Where will they go? Where is there to go?”

Ep 9

The Chosen
Pet and Charles are out on the road lugging salt around. The roads are in good order and the fields aren’t overgrown at all. In fact you can see fresh mower marks on the grass. Charles and Pete stumble into two hippies (not Phillip and Judy from ep 8).

The hippies tell Charles and Pet their baby was killed by rats and they found a settlement but were thrown out. Pet calls the duo “deranged vagrants”. When did Pet become so unpleasant? When the hippies get sick, Charles and Pet take them to the settlement they spoke about.

It’s very martial and the hippies are dismissed as “termies” and left to die. However Charles and Pet are viewed with some favour due to their salt. Charles and Pet are wary as the settlement is fascist. One of the fascists is the guy who plays Roy Cropper on ‘Coronation Street’!

The fascist’s leader wears a tracksuit and glares ominously. Charles and Pet want to leave but get caught up in a leadership fight. This was good.

Best Lines:
You have a police state in embryo.”

“It the them and us syndrome.”


Profit (1996) Eps 5&6 Reviewed

Ep 5 Cupid
Gracen & Gracen are close to signing a deal with the Kestrels. But Ray backs out until his estranged wife Anna comes back to him. Anna doesn’t want to go back to him as Ray is the sort of husband Dr Phil warns you about. Meanwhile Bobby (the late Lisa Blount) sees Gracen&Gracen CEO Chaz as her new sugar daddy and Sykes and Pete are plotting. Sykes does David Caruso head tilts and shows off his bad acting. Chaz (Keith Szarabajka) throws a whiskey glass at Pete. The unloved Pete is pretending to still be a drunk as part of a long game; he drinks iced tea and doesn’t comb his hair.

Joanne (Lisa Zane) has her eye on Bobby. But Bobby sets up an attack on Chaz so she can ‘save’ him and feed him her ‘organic painkillers’. Joanne doesn’t understand Profit at all. She and everyone else ignore how Ray acts wilfully ugly. Joanne isn’t doing much to free Jack either. There are some hideous fashions on display in this ep. Anna wears a copper jewel toned blouse and later on a silver lame blazer. Nora wears a hideously unflattering grey pantsuit. Profit manipulates Ray and Anna.

Pete’s wife Nora reveals to Profit that her Uncle Art molested her when she was a child. Now Pete is doing a deal with Uncle Art. Profit files that information away for future reference and points out to Sykes that he should look into the fate of Ray’s first wife. Sykes looks up some newspaper articles about Ray's dead first wife online in dated fashion and the toxic relationship of Ray and Anna comes to a final end. This was weak; it was too camp with some truly bad acting from most guest stars.

Best Lines:
“I wonder how long Pete’s been sober and wanting everyone to think that he’s not.”

“My brother, Mr Toadhead.”

“Guard your morals Mr Sykes; they tend to disappear around here pretty fast.”

“I’m glad you know what a conscience is Jim. You know since you don’t actually possess one.”

“There’s the cliff Jeff, now go be a good little lemming and jump off it.”

“Anyone who thinks controlling people is a science is dead wrong. It’ an art.”

Ep 6 Chinese Box
Profit must break Gracen & Gracen away from Wong Industries to stop an FBI investigation. Meanwhile Gail broods over her poor promotion prospects. Profit offers Mr Wong a deal. Mr Wong wants the Ultrachip code breaker. He tells Profit this by showing him a photo of the Ultrachip on a huge computer in his limo. The Ultrachip was developed by Dr Jeremy Batewell who took it with him when he was fired from G&G. He was fired for stalking Gail. Profit tells Gail she needs to call Batewell and ask him out on a date. Gail is appalled until her ambition kicks in, also she relishes the opportunity to get back at the vile Batewell.

Meanwhile Pete bugs Chaz’s fax machine while spitting alcohol into pot plants. Pete is a bigger jerk now that he’s sober. Bobby decides to manipulate Chaz’s long suffering wife Constance into shedding her useless thick husband. Profit and Gail target Jeremy. Now Jim Profit may have a skewed attitude about what is normal behaviour but Jeremy is truly disturbing. Sykes spies on Gail as she goes alone into her stalker’s fortress like home.

Sykes calls a pal at the FBI seeing a chance to get rid of Profit. The show was never very clear on Sykes’ motivation. Why did he plot a hostile takeover with Pete and dislike Profit? Gail seeks around Batewell’s house which Profit somehow has a VR map of. Gail and Profit learns some secret info about the Ultrachip. Joanne has been shoved aside in this ep as she was in ‘Cupid’, for the Head of Security she does nothing. Sykes’ plan to get Profit arrested falls apart in public humiliation for him. Profit styles and profiles with his umbrella in response. As for Gail? She embraces the dark side as Batewell gets his in spectacular fashion. She also wears an ugly ill-fitting fawn coat, which looks like the same one Joanne wore in ‘Cupid’. This was very good.

Best Lines:
“You want it.”
“Very much.”

“Not a word I like.”

“His father beat him, apparently not enough.”

“Why am I lying here? In incredible pain?”

“An interesting test of moral character.”

“Revenge is pointless; it’s a tool for the weak.”

“He took it with him when he left, along with everything else that wasn’t nailed down.”

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