March 1st, 2011

Scary Books

Marchlands Ep 4 Reviewed

In 1987 Amy is a brat, Scott is ignored and their mother is a useless shrew. In 1968 Olive’s mother burns something. This ep was full of bad acting and annoying characters. Mark’s a prat both as an adult and a teenager in his denim cut-offs.

In 2010, Ruth lies to Nisha. Olive reveals she had Mark’s baby which died. Nisha shrieks. In 1987 Scott sees Alice and Eddie is berated by his shrill shrew wife. In 1968 Ruth’s vile mother in law stirs the pot. I was more entertained by the ad where John Prescott advertises car insurance. Why is this series so full of poisonous women?

Best Line:
“I thought I might end up on the other side of the world, not the other side of the village.”
Scary Books

Chase Ep 13 +Hawaii Five-0 Ep 5 Reviewed

Narco Part 2

Annie’s team continue their gross behaviour by crashing a funeral and abducting the bad guy. They bully and break the law and Luke the outsider is yelled at. Meanwhile Annie and a fellow hostage escape. Jimmy and co do stupid things while self-justifying.

Annie is in peril yet still bullies and threatens. Her fellow hostage is stupid and bad deals are made. This was awful.


A kid thinks a dead body at sea is a mermaid. There are gratuitous torso shots of Steve. Masi Oka pops up as a medical examiner. The chatty midget needs shooting. The governor describes Steve and Danno as her two best people. What are Kono and Chin Ho? Something that stuck to her shoes?

Two party girls were abducted by a nightclub creep. One is dead and the other has to be found. The bad guy looks like a fat stand up comic. The missing girl is rescued and she doesn’t seem very upset that her sister is dead. This was okay.
Scary Books


Tucker and Dale vs Evil’ trailer
Hillbillies’ vs college students due to wacky misunderstandings. Hee! This looks good: “You’ve gone hillbilly on me.”

‘Apollo 18’ trailer

Fringe’ 3x15 promo
Looks good.

Game of Thrones’ trailer
Oh yes, I am intrigued.
Scary Books

Outcasts Eps 5&6 Reviewed

Ep 5

Julius is in secret communication with another ship en-route to the cultural backwater colony. That is the only interesting thing that happened in this ep.

What also happened was that Fleur and Cass learn that tales they have been told about the foundation of the colony are lies. Being Fleur and Cass they pay no heed, because they’re morons. Also they seem to be the only PAS officers in Forthaven. Also Fleur has forgotten Cass’ mammoth betrayal in ep 4.

A stranger shows up in Forthaven and starts flinging cut diamonds around. Everyone gets diamond fever which is a bit odd as diamonds should be worthless. The stranger sort of invites Cass and Fleur on a trek to the beach.

He tells them tales of his time on Carpathia and all but admits there are aliens on the planet. But they don’t listen because they’re stupid. No wonder Mitchell went insane.

The stranger turns out to be Patrick Baxter, the alleged first man on Carpathia. But he tells them the truth about the real first man on Carpathia. He also leads them to evidence of “proto-human” life, which they decide to ignore.

Elsewhere Julius rants on about the universal spirit and is trying to takeover leadership, which shouldn’t be hard as Tate is inept. The cast is too small. Why am I supposed to care about the annoying druggie whiner? Or the stupid whining moronic jerks Fleur and Cass?

This was rubbish, but what do you expect from the BBC after what they did to Lucas North in the last series of ‘Spooks’. I’ve had seen more scares and drama on ‘Hollyoaks’ where Brendan is stalking and beating Ste again.

Why were the diamonds already cut and polished? Why haven’t Cass and Fleur learned to navigate by the stars already? Shouldn’t Baxter’s flight suit be falling apart and stinking? Why are some parts of the planet radioactive closed zones? How did Lily get hold of curling irons? Why is the Forthaven council never shown in session?

Why is the sea described as radioactive yet in the next scene Cass and Fleur run into said sea? Where does everyone get their endless supply of ammunition? What happened to the rest of Baxter’s Advanced Landing Party? Where did Julius get the communications device? Why have they still not surveyed the planet properly? Why does everyone insult the XPs?

Best Lines:
He scares me. They way he talks about the planet not wanting us. This is our home.”

“This planet doesn’t want us.”
“But here we are.”

Ep 6

Tate figures out that there is alien life on Carpathia – why did it take so long to show up? The colonists are stupid. Tate is incompetent. Fleur and Cass the only PAS officers on the planet are all buddy buddy.

Julius works to recruit Jack and Stella to his coup. Julius is neither menacing nor creepy. Brendan on ‘Hollyoaks’ is more menacing then Julius, like when he shouts threats through his ex boyfriend’s door and menaces a guy in a wheelchair.

An XP named Josie (played by the actress who was Helen Cutter on ‘Primeval’) goes missing and then shows up in Forthaven acting oddly. After she absconds with her children another Josie shows up. The AC’s attack Forthaven and Stella obsesses over a pregnant woman.

Fleur and Cass still find time to be rude to the AC’s despite missing children and aliens. The AC’s plot and one of them is captured. Everyone decides to ignore the whole fake Josie issue because the script is stupid. Tate is an ineffective idiot. This was crud.

Who is the father of Josie’s kids? Why is Cass such a jerk? What happened to Josie? Who/what was the fake Josie? Why do the smug stupid Forthaven residents decide fake Josie was a mass hallucination?

Best Lines:
“What are you not telling me?”
“Another you came down from the hills.”

“I would much rather there was no or.”

“We will be ready for you.”

“I don’t think we’re alone here.”

To Light The Way To Bed

Quotes of the Day

Raising Hope’ Quotes
“I do not practice decitery.”

“The internet tubes do come here.”

“We come from idiot stock.”

“Do not use any of this make up until you’re 14 or earlier if you’re fat.”

Hollyoaks’ Quotes
And this was his response? To batter you?"

“We didn’t fight, you beat me up.”

“You will come back to me though, you always do.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have hit you that hard. The damage doesn’t look too bad in the cold light of day...kind of suits you actually.”

“Brendan’s being well weird today you know.”

“He’s poison.”

“I’m sick of you and your sadistic abusive little games with him.”

‘The Sworn’ Quotes
They’re the keepers of the barrows, and it’s their job to make sure what’s buried in those barrows stays buried.”

“We fear the North Winds, m’lord. On them comes the Hollowing.”

“If someone seeks to awaken what slumbers in the Abyss, then dark times are truly upon us.”

Splintered Bones’ Quote
He slapped me around...that was always the preliminary to a real beating. A few slaps. Then it could go either way."
Scary Books

The Green Hornet (1966 – 1967) Eps 16, 18 & 19 Reviewed

The Hornet and the Firefly
Green Hornet and Kato cruise around at midnight and it’s very bright. They are helping Scanlon catch an arsonist. Neither the Seth Rogen film nor the Kevin Smith comic had a high opinion of Scanlon and the notion of a DA working with two vigilantes does make you wonder about his ethics.

The arsonist is terrorising the city. Whatever city it is. The movie and the various comics all have different settings: LA, Chicago, Century City – so which one is the TV show set in?

The arsonist’s identity is immediately apparent. It’s the guy who looks like Robert Wagner in ‘Austin Powers’. Mike Axford runs around being a terrible judge of character. Also nobody notices a guy sneaking around in a silver flame retardant suit?

Kato beats up the churl. The Hornet is useless. They have a chance to unmask the baddie but don’t. The baddie hurls what looks like bath balls at them, they are incendiaries. Kato beats up the baddie again. This was dull, with bad acting. And the ending where Britt Reid lies about the villain was a bit weird.

Corpse of the Year Part I
The Daily Express is a “horrid rag” that is a rival to The Daily Sentinel. This is tied into a fake Green Hornet driving around town in a copy of Black Beauty blowing up Sentinel delivery fans. People assume the fake Hornet is the real one and no-one wonders why fake Hornet has no Kato.

There is no sign of the police chasing the fake Hornet despite the fact the Green Hornet and Kato must have rap sheets that make Dilinger look like Bambi. Anyway poor Kato is really side lined in this ep as he has to wear his vile white suit, answer Britt’s phone and is talked over. Does he ever long to kick Britt Reid through a window like Jay Chou’s Kato did?

The fake Hornet walks into the Sentinel newsroom and gurns. Mike Axford nearly poos himself. Casey wears a coat that looks like she’s got a dead husky wrapped around her. Plus underneath she’s wearing a patchwork suit. Is she colour-blind?

Reid is contacted by Dan Scully a Daily Express reporter. They meet at the Pony Club. Which is a club where the waitresses dress up like ponies, it is so wrong. Dan mutters about hating his Daily Express job because he has a woman editor, charming man.

This leads to Britt attending a bikini party where everyone wears vile swimsuits and the hostess looks like she’s wrapped in foil. There is a flurry of bad acting. This wasn’t a good ep. Also when Scanlon comes into Britt’s swinging bachelor pad via the fireplace elevator – where is he coming from? The exit is on the ground floor? So where is the entrance?

Corpse of the Year Part II
Casey wears a hideous yellow mustard coloured mess. Kato wears his white suit. A security guard is useless. Kato is talked over like he’s invisible. Kato beats up security guards and the Hornet jumps over a desk for no reason.

The female villain wears a vile yellow dress. The fake Hornet attacks Britt who wears a vile compost coloured cardi. Casey wears so much make up to bed she looks like a hooker. Also why does the Green Hornet wear a scarf as part of his costume?

Anyway the fake Hornet is thwarted, order is restored and there is a celebratory meal at the Pony Club. Naturally Kato is not there. This was okay.
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Palace +Paths of Disharmony

The Palace by Chelsea Quinn Yarbro
It is 1490 and a man calling himself Francesco Ragoczy has come to live in Florence. There he immerses himself in the city’s culture and befriends the Medicis. But trouble is on the horizon, a fanatical monk named Savonarola is gaining religious and political power.

Ragoczy must watch his step; he has many enemies and many secrets. His darkest secret is that he is more than a man, he is a vampire. But how long can Ragoczy stand by as Savonarola’s following grows? It is devastating the city and endangering all those Ragoczy cares for.

This is a very good historical horror novel. It’s a tragic look at the infamous bonfire of the vanities.

Star Trek Typhon Pact: Paths of Disharmony by Dayton Ward
Picard and Crusher have a toddler son and coo over him endlessly. We get pages and pages of their adoration of their toddler. Their geriatric parenting leads them to be inept on a diplomatic mission to Andor which has massive consequences.

This was utterly boring. The writing was dull and full of exposition dumps and mwah ha haing villains. Picard and the UFP president Bacco should both be fired for gross incompetence. And in-between the pages of Picard’s adoration of his toddler were junk science, techno babble and T’Ryssa Chen prancing around.

This had an ugly cover and Picard, Bacco and other Starfleet types were such pompous, arrogant idiots it is no wonder the Typhon Pact managed to score such a massive victory. I look forward to reading about the fall out but this book was awful.

Best Line:
“Dead, and gone to dust. Leave them there.”
Scary Books

Jericho Season 3: Issue 4 Review

It took its sweet time coming out and yes the cover art is hideous and yes the interior art is childish but this was good. I will admit that the conspiracy plot was never my favourite plotline on ‘Jericho’, only the war with New Bern ranked lower. I always preferred the depiction of post disaster life.

Anyway issue 4 centres on John Smith who carried out the attack. He’s a nut who too easily rattles the interrogator. His back story intrigues and this was interesting. But can we head back to Jericho please?

Best Line:
“Do you have any idea what you are doing? The kind of man you are setting loose on the world?"
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