January 25th, 2011

Scary Books

Primeval Series 4 Ep 5 Review

Ep 5

Phillip wants to solve the anomalies. Connor’s dumb, yet for some reason is offered a job by Phillip. Way too much time is spent on Ethan and Emily who are boring and can’t act.

Abby and Connor go on a creature hunt and encounter unfriendly pub locals as well as a crazy mother and son. Then they must deal with a bad CGI croc. This was complete and utter crud. Ethan, Emily, Matt, dumbness and bad CGI merge into one horrific amalgam of repugnance.

I’m sick of idiot locals, Matt’s inexplicable Emily obsession, the badly disguised Irish locations and the vaguely muttering Ethan who is the least threatening baddie ever.

Why isn’t Matt fired for his stunts? What happened to the rift between Abby and Connor? Why didn’t they stun the crazy pitchfork woman?

Best Lines:
“Look at the destruction Helen Cutter almost wrecked upon the human race.”

“I would rather shower in toxic waste.”

“Only children and drunks believe in the worm.”

“This place is seriously weird.”

Scary Books

Book Review: Dragon's Ring

Dragon’s Ring by Dave Freer

From the author of ‘The Forlorn’ comes this fast moving, addictive fantasy. Tasmarin is a land where dragon’s rule. Fionn is a dragon who wants to bring the land down. No one believes him when he tells them this, but they should.

Meb is a girl from a fishing village who is unaware she is a mage. Due to a series of events. Meb and Fionn end up working together. This leads to adventure and chaos as Fionn plots and weaves his web. This is okay.
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Quotes of the Day

The Green Hornet (1966-1967)’ Quote
Kato find a dark alley where you can park. Mr Eden’s memory needs a little jogging.”

Bones to Pick’ Quote
Lorilee’s husband caught her in a delicate moment with the weed eater boy.”

Dreamcatcher’ Quotes
The real darkness is still a few years away, but it is coming. The Darkness is coming.”

“No one talks about this unpleasant fact but everyone knows about it.”

Scary Books

Charmed #5 + BTVS #40 Reviewed

Charmed Issue 5: Unnatural Resources
The Source is back and some evil skank in booty shorts is plotting. Piper declares: “I am beyond done with the Source.” The sisters break out Excalibur to take down the Source and fight him/it again.

Why are the magical community still pals with the sisters after the events of season 8? Why is Billie still around? Who is booty shorts woman and why is she uniting demons, vampires and darklighters? This was good.

~
Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 8 Issue 40: Last Gleaming, Part Five
Buffy’s changed the world. There is no more magic and the slayer line will die out in a generation. The future depicted in ‘Fray’ will soon come to pass. Anyway Buffy and co are living in San Francisco. Willow has dumped Kennedy and Buffy is billy-no-mates.

Dawn seems to have given up education and is living with Xander, ew. Angel is living in Faith’s closet. Buffy is still lecturing. This was good even if it was cold and emotionally barren. Why don’t the slayers call themselves slayers anymore? Where did the slayer army go? Why is Faith calling Buffy the only slayer who matters?
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Trailers

'Outcasts’ trailer
This looks low rent.

Agora’ trailer
This looks good. Did it ever get a cinema release?

Battle Los Angeles’ trailer
This looks dull.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ trailer
I didn’t bother to see the 2nd film but this looks good.

Green Lantern’ trailer
This looks AWFUL beyond words.

My Soul To Take’ trailer
Maybe.
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Sacaramouche + Black Swan

Sacaramouche (1952)

A merciless duellist Marquis goes around skewering people who don’t like Marie Antoinette. He also has eyes for one of Marie Antoinette’s court ladies Aline (Janet Leigh). Elsewhere another man Andre who is of mysterious birth tries to protect his idiot friend Phillippe who is stirring up anti-royalist feelings.

The Marquis kills Phillippe in a duel. Andre swears vengeance, somehow pretending to be a clown in a travelling troupe of players is part of the plan. As is hanging out with blowsy floozy Lenore and making eyes at Aline.

Andre gets sword fighting lessons and seeks out the man who taught the man who taught his enemy as his obsession grows. This has smart alec dialogue, jealously, vindictiveness and desperation. Still a brillo pad would be more lovable than Andre and there is some tatty sexism involving Aline and Lenore.

Anyway eventually the long awaited duel takes place through a theatre while an audience screeches. There is lots of swinging on ropes, jumping over balustrades, dramatic leaps, posing on chairs, slicing of plants and balancing acts on various furniture items. The duel goes on and on and on and the film ends with several dramatic flourishes. This was okay fluff. And at the end Lenore ends up with Napoleon, was he even born yet?!?

Best Lines:
“I ride a little and fall off a lot.”

“I used discretion and the window.”

“I dislike your face.”

~
Black Swan (2010)

This is a somewhat disappointing mash up of ballet, body horror and psychological camp melodrama. Nina (Natalie Portman) is a ballerina on the verge of a nervous breakdown and that’s before she is cast as the Swan Queen in ‘Swan Lake’.

Beth (Winona Ryder) the former star has aged out of the profession and is cast aside, she has a break down too but no-one really cares. The sleazy ballet master (Vincent Cassel) manipulates and sexually harasses Nina into giving the role her all. While newcomer Lily (Mila Kunis) is Nina’s ally/rival.

Nina’s monstrous abusive mother (Barbara Hershey) keeps Nina as a 12 year old. Nina’s bedroom is full of stuffed toys and is a pink and white nightmare. Nina dresses like a child, talks like a child and her mother cuts her nails. No wonder Nina has hallucinations and goes full out crazy.

The film takes too long to get to the brilliant climax where Nina metamorphosis’s into the Swan Queen of her darkest dreams and the sleazy, creepy undertones disturb.
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Chase Ep 5 + The Green Hornet (1966 – 1967) Eps 11&21 Reviewed

Above The Law
A CEO who looted a pension fund makes an improbable escape from his trial. Annie Frost chases after him while wearing a hideous flannel shirt. This was a badly edited mess. And don’t even get me started on the guest appearance by Eddie Cibrian as a bounty hunter.

~
Ep 11

The Hunters and the Hunted
The Green Hornet and Kato met a guy in a park. For some reason the scene is tinted purple. The man pops up, the duo strike poses. The man turns out to be a criminal and he warns the pair that someone is killing racket guys. Why did he warn the Green Hornet? There’s a jukebox racket?

That someone is a pack of hunters who don linen hunting suits and hunt crooks with big crossbows. Because of the Green Hornet’s rep as a racketeer and Kato’s as his chauffeur/bodyguard/enforcer cover. Well they’re next on the hit list.

Kato gets to kick people in the head and pull nunchunks out of some secret hiding place. Reid wears a yellow cardi. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“I hope this’ll be a friendly meeting.”
“How many friends have you dumped in the river?”

“All you had to do was knock.”
“Then you would have misunderstood the purpose of my visit.”


~
Ep 21

Bad Bet On a 459-Silent
Whilst hanging out as the Green Hornet, Britt Reid is shot. Kato (Bruce Lee) suggests Britt take off his clothes, Reid mumbles he wants to go home. Awww. Kato puts a tiny plaster on Reid’s shoulder and to enable Reid to get medical treatment they need a cunning plan.

The next day Reid goes to work and Kato shows up as his bad self to fake shooting Reid so he go to the hospital. Somehow the medics neglect to notice the wound is hours old and not fresh. Also how did Kato suddenly just appear in the news room and leave without being stopped? How did no-one ever cop on to Reid and Kato’s night time activities?

Reid gets treatment but the duo still has to deal with the shooter. So the duo get into their rather conspicuous costumes and car and drive around looking for the shooter. They find him and a fight scene that looks sub ‘Power Rangers’ takes place. Justice is served but Brit Reid’s employees still think the Green Hornet is a “rotten crook.”

This was okay and had a nice theme. But why weren’t the cops looking for the duo on attempted murder charges? Did no-one wonder why after the staged shooting Britt’s clothes didn’t have a bullet hole in them? Why does day turn to night in seconds? What sort of headline was ‘Wound Green Hornet’ in the paper? Why didn’t Kato visit Reid in the hospital?

Best Line:
“I didn’t believe it could happen. The Green Hornet sends his flunky into the middle of a crowded city room and takes a pot shot at the boss.”