December 14th, 2010

Scary Books

Fringe Season 3 Ep 8 review

Entrada

Peter and Alt Olivia face off. Alt Broyles has doubts as Walternates plans to bring Alt Olivia home. Alt Olivia has part of the machine. The typewriter shop is located by the Fringe team. Peter is overlooked as once again everything is all about Olive. Things get nasty and it’s okay but bland.

What is the deal with the machine? How did alt Olivia change her hair colour so quickly? In the other universe the Newark station is named Springsteen Station, funny.

Anyway I had high hopes for this season with Peter’s storyline. But I’m disappointed; everyone acts like it’s no big deal. Everyone accepted Walter’s justifications and everyone acts like Peter is just supposed to go back to caring for and being friendly with his kidnapper.

Best Lines:
“In the 70’s I innocently wandered into the wrong home and it was three days before I realised my mistake.”

“That temptress. She tricked my son with her carnal manipulations and he fell right into her vagenda.”

Scary Books

The Vampire Diaries Season 1 Ep 19 Review

Miss Mystic Falls

Stefan’s on the blood and it is treated like Willow’s ridiculous magic addiction in season 6 of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’. Bonnie’s back and Elena can’t understand why Bonnie doesn’t want to be her friend anymore, Elena’s dumb. Anna annoys. The tomb vampires have apparently left town, well they were a non-event weren’t they?

Caroline is shallow over yet another Founder’s Day event. Damon hunts another stupid artefact. Elena trusts Damon and Stefan twitches and rants. This was okay.

Best Lines:
I don’t do forgiveness.”

“Just because my DUI made my community service mandatory doesn’t mean I was any less committed.”

“Thanks for helping me.”
“Don’t thank me until you’re sure your hair isn’t going to burn off.”

“I’m not sad, I’m freaking hungry.”

“Jonathan Gilbert journaled his whole life right down to the bitter, insane, drunken end.”

Scary Books

The Event Ep 9 Review

Your World To Take

Sophia’s people gather as their leader annoys and blathers on about isotopes and trace minerals. Simon is one of those gathered, talk about not being subtle.

Sophia blathers on and on and interesting questions are raised. Why is their home barely viable? What are the other dangers? What effect will they have on humans? Naturally these questions are ignored so Sophia and Thomas can annoy.

Jarvis is alive, no-one cares. Thomas and his girlfriend plot Sophia’s death. Sean and Leila run around. The FBI agent, Angela, is back at work with no questions asked apparently.

Thomas turns out to be a pathetic mama’s boy. Sophia blathers on about a module and the fact that the detainees could escape at any time. Dempsey and his collection continue to be icky. These characters need to give an account for their mouths. This ep was utterly boring and stupid.
To Light The Way To Bed

United States of Tara Season 2 Ep 12 Review

From This Day Forward

Tara makes Charmaine’s wedding all about herself. She also sits on her ass moaning while everyone else works to get the wedding ready. Lionel shows up to be a snot. Tara and Charmaine’s parents reveal secrets. Tara makes a spectacle of herself again.

Kate and her boyfriend/owner have issues. Nick can’t take it. Tara wrecks Charmaine’s wedding. Truths are told. Tara’s a hypocrite, why does no-one ever call her out on the way she ignores her kids?

This was a dreadful ep and a dreadful season: Tara’s mercurial temperament, wild mood swings, lavish cruelty and bottomless greed annoy, every character acts like a self centred bickering moron.

Best Lines:
“Charmaine never graduated from anything.”

“Don’t touch; I just put on my body bling."

Traveler

Nikita Ep 10 Review

Dark Matter

Owen returns and releases information on one of Division’s missions. A crisis erupts and a CIA agent suspects Division’s existence. Percy sets about damage control. The Engineer shows up to work with Birkhoff and out sneers him. In an even less interesting sub-plot Jaden is onto Alex.

Michael fires at rocket launcher at Owen and Nikita, I guess he’s still angry over the events of ep 9. Birkhoff has a bit of back-story revealed and then he gets promoted. No matter what happens in this ep, Percy has a plan. This was uh. Who is Oversight? Where did Alex get the camera? Where’s Thom gone?

Best Lines:
“Letting you kids watch cable news would only make you dumber.”

“It’s not every day Lord Sauron steps down from Mount Doom and asks you to forge the one ring.”

“I was never obscure, I was elusive.”

“Division? Just Division?”
“Pretentious I know.”

To Light The Way To Bed

Quotes of the Day

Coronation Street’ Quotes

Ken recently had an affair with an actress. She lived on a tugboat.”
“It was a barge.”

“Is there any wonder why I drink?”

“Maybe the way this family works has contributed to his drinking.”
“Well it didn’t make Tracy hit the bottle.”
“No but it made her hit her boyfriend with a blunt instrument.”

~
Raising Hope’ Quote

Your mother’s crazy. If I ever get that crazy I want you to take me out in the back yard and blow my head off with a shotgun.”
Scary Books

Trailers

‘Takers’ trailer
This looks okay.

‘Carrie’ trailer
Even back then, the trailer would give the whole plot away.

The Other Guys’ trailer
This looks funny.
To Light The Way To Bed

Movie Reviews: Meet The Spartans + The Three Musketeers

Meet the Spartans (2008)

A dragged out ‘300’ spoof full of dated pop culture references and vulgar jokes, that is very sporcically amusing. Kevin Sorbo of ‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’ shows up to prove that his acting still hasn’t improved. The Britney Spears impersonator is the best thing in this.

Best Lines:
Let us talk by the giant pit of death.”
“Okay.”

“Stop kicking people into the giant pit of death.”

“Your mother’s such an old sloppy drunk; I thought she was David Hasselhoff.”

~
The Three Musketeers (1993)

The hero d’Artagnan (the boring guy from ‘NCIS: Los Angeles’) is a jerk, a rogerer and a destroyer of property. In an unfunny running joke, he is chased by a guy whose sister he rogered. Our non-hero goes to Paris to become a musketeer and falls into a scheme being schemed by Richelieu (Tim Curry, who camps it up)

Naturally this bears no resemblance to the book. The non-hero runs around and picks fights with Aramis (Charlie Sheen), Porthos (Oliver Platt) and Athos (Kiefer Sutherland). He needs a good punch in the face and truly is the “twit of the month.” For some reason the trio decide to befriend the prat d’Artagnan.

So Athos broods and does the Jack Bauer whisper, Aramis is greasy, sleazy and can’t pronounce the French names and Porthos makes jokes. They team up to foil Richelieu. Meanwhile King Louis XIII is a prat in a bad wig and everyone thinks his wife is Austrian when she was actually Spanish. Also why does the Queen of France have only one lady-in-waiting?

The quartet runs around and Milady (Rebecca de Mornay – whatever happened to her?) runs around as well. It all leads to a happy ending. This is on par with ‘Young Blades’ and is full of bad acting and sap. There is one moment of plot illogic is Athos changed his name why did Milady call him Athos instead of his real name?

Best Lines:
“He takes his drinking very seriously.”

“I have become the nightmare you once thought me to be.”

Scary Books

Night of the Living Dead Holiday Special #1

A prequel to the classic movie opens on Christmas Eve 1986 and sees a young couple’s holiday rudely interrupted by sibling rivalry and zombies. This is okay but one has to wonder: if they know about the zombies why are they partying as though noting is wrong? Also why is there so much gratuitous female nudity?
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: The Little House +Phoenix and Ashes

The Little House by Philippa Gregory
Ruth is married to Patrick and their lives are happy. And then her husband and in-laws manipulate events so she living in rural England, practically on her in-laws doorstep and she is pregnant with a child she isn’t sure she wants.

Under his mother Elizabeth’s cloying affection, Patrick reverts to being a spoilt and demanding boy and Ruth is bullied, judged and found wanting. When Thomas is born, Elizabeth does not find Ruth’s mothering satisfactory and takes over the baby’s care pushing Ruth out of the family.

When Ruth objects to her treatment, Patrick and Elizabeth call her mad and ungrateful. Isolated and alone Ruth can only count on herself to change the situation as her husband has turned against her and her child is being taken from her. This is a good tale of a put upon woman and a monstrously perfect mother in-law. This was made into a miniseries which changed the creepy ending.

Best Line:
Daughter-in-law. Not up to caring for the new baby. Rather a poor show.”

~
Phoenix and Ashes by Mercedes Lackey
It is 1917 and three years ago Eleanor Robinson lost her father, her home and her chance at attending Oxford due to the machinations of her stepmother. Now Eleanor is enslaved by dark magic, unable to leave what was once her home and forced to work as a servant for her stepmother and stepsisters.

In the big house, Reginald Fenyx has returned from the war a broken man suffering from shell shock. He was an air ace until the fateful day he nearly died in combat. Can these two damaged souls fight the evil magic that threatens them and arise from the ashes? This is good. A tale of magic and English village life during the dark days of World War 1.

Best Line:
“I am a servant in my own home.”