December 7th, 2010

Scary Books

The Vampire Diaries Season 1 Ep 18 Review

Under Control

Uncle John (David Anders) shows up to rile. Vicki’s funeral has happened off-screen. Stefan is craving human blood and twitching and lying like Alexandra from ‘Dr Phil’. Jenna’s useless and a slut. Elena hangs out with Damon because she is a twit.

Everyone’s drinking, Stefan acts out and Jeremy loses his mind. John is a git, Tyler and Matt fight, odd connections are revealed, Matt throws his momma out and the origin of the ring is revealed. This is okay it just doesn’t excite me.

Best Lines:
“Seven hunters, four campers and two state employees have been reported missing as well. All of this within a 75 mile radius of Mystic Falls.”

“You dad’s gonna beat you down if he catches you.”
“Yeah, let him try.”

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The Event Ep 8 Review

For The Good Of Our Country

The Avis flight cover up goes on and Michael is declared dead. But he’s not, he’s being questioned. Martinez is self obsessed and learns his vice-president was in on it. Whatever it is. Sean and Leila are whiny and unobservant and thusly Sean gets shot.

Leila kidnaps a doctor and Martinez does no ponder on why there are so many traitors in his administration. The old guy turns out to be named Dempsey and he’s not interesting. The vice President’s back-story revealed and it is sort of interesting. Martinez and Sterling plot.

Vicky’s superior orders to do more killing. Sean is treated while he lies in a ditch and somehow lives despite blowing a clot and risking infection. This is okay but it’s no ‘Lost’.

So Sean’s a hacker and knows how to steal cars? Is Martinez always so self righteous and self obsessed? Was Martinez’s election a fix? Is Jarvis’ secretary an idiot? What is Dempsey’s agenda? Is Jarvis dead?

Best Lines:
“This is not government issue technology.”

“That man ordered my death and the death of my family.”

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White Collar Season 1 Eps 7 – 14 Reviewed

Free Fall
A pink diamond has been stolen and replaced by a forgery. Neal is suspected. An annoying agent named Fowler shows up. Peter’s pompous and arrests Neal who quickly escapes.

Elizabeth is a doormat. Neal has a conspiracy theory and there are secrets passages and it’s all a small piece of a much bigger set-up. Kate shows up to play game and something named Mentor is mentioned. This is okay and full of misdirection.

Best Lines:
Turn over every document the government has on Caffrey. They’re sending a truck.”

“I’ll admit I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I’m not proud of. No, no, that’s not true. I’m proud of most of them.”

“Find him. Again.”


~
Hard Sell
Neal suspects that Peter is mean and evil but first he has to infiltrate a boiler room scam. There are new opening credits which are nice. No-one seems to recognise Neal from the newspapers after his high dive escape in the last ep.

Peter’s behaviour doesn’t engender trust. This was good. The Kate storyline drags on. Peter knows Kate is trash and she wants an amber music box that once belonged to Catherine the Great.

Best Lines:
We’ve got an office full of junior Gordon Gecko’s selling bad stock.”

“You could sell light switches to the Amish.”

“I’m going to go rummage through your drawers and steal your most precious belongings. I’m kidding; I need to go to the bathroom.”

“They’ve got their own wind tunnel. It’s unreal.”


~
Bad Judgment
Neal and Peter investigate mortgage fraud. They come up against a corrupt judge (Kate Hodge of ‘She Wolf of London’) and a bitter ex-cop (Erik Palladino). The conspiracy goes on. Neal’s slick sure but why is Fowler so interested in him? What is with Kate and her cryptic games?

Best Lines:
He’s playing the sympathy card.”
“Is it working?”


~
Vital Signs

Peter and Neal investigate transplant list nefariousness. This show has never really played lip service to credibility. Mozz pretends to be a nut with ‘Die Hard’ delusions and Neal is put in peril.

Elizabeth continues her spacey idiot stare. It’s disquieting and uneasy how she only exists to meet Peter’s needs with an inordinate degree of enthusiasm. This was uh and wouldn’t a doctor notice that he hadn’t had surgery?

Best Lines:
That is truly menacing.”

“There’s a reason most crimes happen at night, people can’t see you.”


~
Home Invasion
Alex an old friend up Neal’s shows up. Neal’s on the hunt for amber music box. Peter moves in with Neal as they look for imperial jade elephants. Alex annoys, the villain o’the week annoys, Peter annoys and this was dull. Plus I though Neal’s tracker couldn’t be just cut off.

~
Bottlenecked
Peter is pompous and Keller, an evil version of Neal shows up. This show isn’t as cool and as charming as it thinks it is. Neal battles his foe Keller over a rare bottle of wine. Neal is given a challenge and stupidly goes for it.

Keller’s moral values are somewhat in question and Neal defeats him for now. This was uh apart from learning that there is a way to determine the age of wine without opening the bottle.

Best Lines:
You met him playing backgammon?”
“It was simpler times.”

“He gave me the bottle. Now we need to fill it, cork it, seal it and label it.”


~
Front Man

Alex returns to annoy some more. A kidnapping involves Neal. Agent Rice (Diane Neal) annoys. Peter is slightly obsessed with Neal. Poor Neal is abducted and has to deal with a criminal, a bitchy secretary and a mob lawyer. This was dull and I’m tired of Peter being pompous.

Best Line:
“I just said that to a guy who enjoys killing people with his bare hands.”

~
Out Of The Box

Mozz, Alex and Neal plan to steal the music box. Peter obsesses over Neal as Fowler returns. Neal’s inexplicable obsession with Kate goes on. There is a revelation about Fowler and gratuitous torso shots of Neal.

Fowler turns up the heat on Peter who responds by being a jerk to Neal. Diane returns after vanishing after the pilot ep. Neal gets his hands on the tacky looking music box. Neal looks like he’s about to get his hearts desire until Peter shows up. Then things go to hell. This was okay.

What is the big deal with the music box? What is Mentor all about? How did Peter get into the parking garage? How did nobody in the building hear the gunshot? Why is Peter so obsessed with Neal? Who set the bomb?
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Quotes of the Day

The Morgana Show’ Quotes

“Don’t miss next week when I jump into a pool of piranhas on my period.”

“It’s like an advert for Primark in here.”

“Some devil’s dust, a little bit of skank wrestling.”

~
Raising Hope’ Quotes

Their exterminator blasted me with ant spray.”

“You know I can’t think on demand like that.”

~
National Lampoon’s Class Reunion’ Quotes

Give me a dollar; I’ll give you my car.”

“Our charming nametag chairperson.”

“I wasn’t the one this class voted most likely to betray her country.”

“You’re the one he wants to kill.”
“But I’ve always been so popular.”

“Another Borden alum heads for the loony bin.”

“Robert and I are engaged. It’s been announced.”
“It’s not really official; we haven’t ordered the tent yet.”
“Darling, thank you notes for our bed and bath shower are already in the mail.”

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Nikita Ep 9 Review

One Way

Michael’s on a mission and Nikita shows up to help him. For some reason, Michael never seems to wonder how Nikita always manages to crash Division’s exploits. Michael’s on a personal quest to kill the man who betrayed him and killed his wife and daughter.

In 2001 Michael was more trusting, less smokey voiced and had a family. His supposed ally Kasim Tariq wrecked his life. Michael wants blood. He and Nikita bond over this vengeance mission. Nikita knows Michael is still loyal to Percy and tries to change that.

She and Michael sweetly bond over sniper rifles and a knife. Percy finds out about this and doesn’t like it. He wants Michael all to himself. Some more bad things happen to Michael because of Kasim Tariq. Michael can walk it off, because he’s full of rage. Nikita betrays him and Michael goes home to Percy.

Meanwhile Alex is sloppy, Jaden is suspicious and Nikita worries she’s lost Michael for good. This was okay. Michael’s backstory was sad. Percy saved him from suicide but does Michael still buy Percy’s BS?

Who is Henry? Does no-one password protect their laptops? What is Amanda’s game plan? What side is Michael on now? Will he forgive Nikita for this?

Best Lines:
“I want you to take a look at your loyalties.”

“Revenge is not the answer.”
“Excuse me is this Nikita talking?”

“What are you, the CIA?”
“Nah, nothing that obvious.”

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United States of Tara Season 2 Ep 11 Review

To Have And To Hold

Tara’s incredibly convoluted journey into her past continues with non-Faulkerian eloquence. Kate’s given up her job to chase after her older creepier boyfriend. Lionel annoys. Charmaine and Tara go on a road trip and learn they were in foster care.

Tara makes a show of herself again and yet another alter, Chicken, shows up. T makes a brief reappearance for the first time this season. This was uh, all the characters are abominable. How did Kate find foster mother Mimi? How did Max find Mimi?

Best Lines:
“Wow, she likes animal prints.”

“Is my tiara too Midwestern glitz pageant?”

“When they removed gluten from his diet they found that people stopped gawking so much.”

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Sons of Anarchy Season 2 Ep 13 +Merlin Series 3 Ep 13 Reviewed

Na Tiobloidi

I haven’t reviewed this in a while because I was sick of the distasteful characters and their demeaning storylines. Anyway not much has changed. Tara has embraced the biker ho lifestyle.

Stahl’s lips are weird. Zobell turns out to be an informant. There is a biker war in Charming and Polly Zobell has gone from groomed sleekness to looking like Cher Lloyd.

The storyline is the usual glum dreary, repulsive stuff. Stahl, Gemma and Polly collide. Tara is useless. Abel is kidnapped. Zobell gets away to annoy another day. People die. Stahl causes havoc, maybe in pique that her looks are dropping.

There is a musical montage and the kidnapper makes the most ridiculous contrived escape outside of a Penelope Pitstop cartoon. This was just blah.

~
The Coming of Arthur: Part 2

Queen Morgana has usurped the throne of Camelot and wears an ugly piece of bling as a crown. Morgana is wicked and horrible and bitter and disgusting, right through to her core. Meanwhile Arthur is useless so Merlin has to do most of the work to get Camelot back to normal.

Merlin gets Excalibur from the Lady of the Lake and wields it in battle. Arthur does uncover the round table and assemble his knights though for some reason he does not knight Merlin, thankless prat.

Merlin, Arthur and their merry men battle to retake Camelot. Tension builds and then the weird sisters are defeated in a damp squib ending that smacked of the reset button being pushed. I swear I thought scenes were missing after Morgause got thrashed and Morgana shrieked like a banshee. This was okay but the darker stuff was obviously shied away from.

Why didn’t Morgana kill Uther and Gwen? Is the Cup of Life the Grail? Who is the mother of Morgana and the annoying Morgause? Why didn’t Arthur knight Merlin? Why didn’t they kill Morgana when they had the chance? Is Morgause dead? Where did Morgana vanish to?

Best Line:
“You cannot begin to know how much I hate you.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Vorkosigan Companion +Cyroburn +The Usurper

The Vorkosigan Companion edited by Lilian Stewart Carl and John Helfers
A guide to the Vorkosigan series by Lois McMaster Bujold. It has essays by McMaster Bujold on her writing and her inspirations. There are also essays by others on including one that reveals how the first in the series ‘Shards of Honor’ started out as a ‘Star Trek’ fan fiction.

There are less interesting info dumps on the biology, technology of the ‘verse as well as summaries, timelines, genealogy, a basic star map and an encyclopaedia.

This is a nice tie-in to the shelf of any Lois McMaster Bujold fan. It would be nice if her ‘Sharing Knife’ and ‘Chalion’ books got similar guides someday.

~
Cyroburn by Lois McMaster Bujold
After a nine year break, McMaster Bujold has written a new Miles Vorkosigan adventure. It’s an okay read but it is disappointingly average. It’s not up there with her best work like ‘Shards of Honor’, ‘Mirror Dance’, Cetaganda’, ‘Memory’ or ‘Borders of Infinity’.

It does herald another major change in the Vorkosigan universe and tells an interesting tale about death and the cheating of and or acceptance thereof. ‘Cyroburn’ just has no spark and Miles’ domestic life has become almost as tiresome as his idiot pack of pet mercenaries did earlier in the series.

Best Line:
“The slowest, subtlest, and, I have to say, creepiest planetary conquest scheme ever devised.”

~
The Usurper: Book Three Of The Chronicles Of King Rolen’s Kin by Rowena Cory Daniels

The royal family have been torn apart and thrown down by betrayal and ambition. Now they have to pick themselves back up again as the saga continues.

The dumb as dirt kingsdaughter Piro is a slave serving the murderers of her family. She must scheme to survive and forge a new destiny as the old one has been swept away.

Her brother Fyn plots and schemes to help their elder brother Byrne reclaim the land but Fyn keeps falling into conspiracies and plots which test his familial loyalty.

As for the put upon Byren he is now the uncrowned king but his throne is occupied by his cousin the traitorous (and ludicrously named) Cobalt. Byren fights to take what he never really wanted: the crown.

Everyone keeps secrets, withholds information and pursues their own selfish agenda thus ensuring the Chronicles Of King Rolen’s Kin will fill many, many more books. This is good but Byren is still too trusting after all he has been through. His parents turned against him and his twin brother tried to kill him on numerous occasions. Still this saga is addictive. So where is Book Four?
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