October 26th, 2010

Scary Books

United States of Tara Season 2 Ep 5 Review

Doin’ Time

Max can’t handle Tara’s newest alter and is arrested. Kate stars in a ridiculous web video. Tara is stunningly selfish and is an awful person. Charmain is still a slut. After posting bail Max confronts Pammy, it gets ugly. Kate prances around in skin tight gold leggings. This is disinteresting.

Best Lines:
“Dad has psycho renovation rage.”

“I saw your girlfriend earlier. Did you kick her like a meth habit?”

Scary Books

True Blood Season 2 Ep 7 Review

Release Me

Maryann is the mysterious monster in the woods and for some reason Andy is currently unaffected by her. How much longer can they drag the Maryann plot out? Andy rants about what is going on and is laughed at. Daphne reveals what Maryann is.

Sookie screams, is smug and cannot act. Why is the TV Sookie so obnoxious and the book Sookie is nice? The mole is revealed. The Fellowship of the Sun continues to plot something. The sight gag of their Jesus Christ Vampire Exterminator board game is hilarious. Jason continues to be a shallow, self obsessed idiot even as bad things happen to him.

There are unwanted flashbacks to the 1930’s of Bill and Lorena breaking up. Lorena is boring. Bill continues to be pathetic with his bad haircut, bad Southern accent, annoying ranting and floury skin. Hoyt and Jessica get it on to the song ‘Bleeding Love’.

This was okay with some good lines. But if vampires cry blood. One wonders what happens when they have sex?

Best Lines:
“You smell like her: sweet and cheap.”

“I don’t know why I keep bothering with you.”
“Why do you? I can’t stand the sight of you.”

“Steve has guns. Then there’s the lockdown tomorrow night. And secondly we’re gonna be locked in this church with Steve and his guns all night.”

“You are snakier than a snake in the grass.”

“Excuse you; it says Ladies on that door.”
“So what you skank ho’s doing in here?”

“Laugh at the crazy drunk guy but I know what I saw...zombie woman...devil zombies!”

Scary Books

Movie Review: Beneath (2007)

Christy was allowed to drive at age 14 and ended up killing her sister Vanessa (Carly Pope of ‘Popular’). Christy ended up in a nuthouse and even now years later, life is not good.

She returns home for a funeral and visit Vanessa’s creepy husband John and odd daughter Amy. John’s creepy mother lurks and Christy suspects that is not all that is lurking in the house. But who’ll believe her? Christy is a town pariah known as the girl: “who deep fried her sister.”

Christy inveditgates and finds a secret passage and information that makes her question Vanessa’s death. This was good with a downbeat ending.
Scary Books

Tape Tales of 2002 & 2003

Cleared out three tapes. One from 2002 and two from 2003. The first 2003 tape had two ‘Smallville’ eps, one ‘Birds of Prey’ ep and one ‘Angel’ ep. The first ‘Smallville’ ep was the season 3 ‘Phoenix’ in which Lex and Clark return home from their respective adventures. Clark’s inexplicable Lana obsession continues. Lex deals with his wife Helen’s transformation from nice to murderous. Why Helen did what she did remained unexplained. Lex does the Kent’s a huge favour and was never thanked. This was uh.

The ‘Birds of Prey’ ep was ‘Nature of the Beast’ in which Reese’s gangster father returned now played by a different actor. Everyone has dull family issues as a result. The ‘Angel’ ep was the season 5 opener ‘Conviction’. Why was the image so murky? Why did TPTB insert Spike into the show? The gang run Wolfram & Hart. Eve and her squeaky voice annoy. Harmony shows up. Dull.

Finally there was another season 3 ‘Smallville’ entitled ‘Extinction’ in which Van (Jesse Metcalfe of ‘Desperate Housewives’) is killing meteor freaks and targets Lex. Clark saves Lex. Lana hates meteor freaks. Why did TPTB drop the Lex as a meteor freak plotline? Why is Clark obsessed with the hateful Lana? This was dull.

The second 2003 tape was full of a ‘Cleopatra 2525’ ep called ‘The Voice’ which was the final ep and featured excessive padding, the main cast were barely in it and there was a bleak ending. Dull.

Then there was the final season 7 ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ ep ‘Chosen’ in which there was excessive Spike, Nathan Fillion and his terrible acting inflicted himself on the viewer, Willow babbled, the stupid scythe got too much screen time, Kennedy annoyed and there was too much speech making. Anya died and nobody cared. Buffy’s mortal wound healed itself. Spike won’t go away and there was bad CGI. This was dull.

Best Line:
“Sometimes I shouldn’t say words.”

That was followed by the ‘Angel’ season 4 ep ‘Peace Out’ in which Connor whines, Jasmine talks people to death, Cordelia is comatose and Jasmine is kind of sort of defeated in dull fashion.

Then there came a ‘Charmed’ ep called ‘Cat House’ which was a spiced up clip show. Leo and Piper have marital issues, again. Paige and Phoebe wander around said clips. Kit comes back and there is much time filling.

Best Line:
Evil? You were blonde.”

Then came the 2002 tape. It had the ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ season 6 opener ‘Bargaining’ which showed how the show should have ended with season 5. The Buffy-bot is useless, Willow poses and kills a baby deer, everyone is living at Buffy’s house for some reason and there is much padding. Xander treats Anya like trash. There are ridiculous demons, Giles leaves and Buffy has to claw her way out of her grave. This was sleazy.

Then there was the ‘Charmed’ season 4 ep ‘Charmed Again, Part 2’ in which The Oracle (Krista Allen) prances, the Source possesses someone and Paige is dedicated to her job which she later quit never to return to for unknown reasons. This was dull.

Best Line:
That better not be another long lost relative.”

Finally came the season 1 ‘Smallville’ ep ‘X-Ray’ in which shape shifter Tina makes her fist appearance. Tina is obsessed with Lana, yawn. This was back when the show attempted to tell its stories with some semblance of reality. Lana treats her Aunt Nell like trash. Clark and Lex have warmth and humour, later on TPTB broke the integrity of this show. It may be on its 10th season but it ran its course long ago.
Scary Books

Quotes of the Day

‘The Simpsons’ Quote:

“My tongue makes not the words sound good.”

South Park’ Quote:

Stop playing stupid.”
“Maybe he really is stupid Randy.”
“Nobody’s this stupid.”

Storm Warning’ Quote:

People made too fearful would plot ways to remove the cause of that fear.”

Revamped’ Quotes:

“Your horizons are broad, but not that broad.”

“Do you honestly expect me to believe that you, Iver Richardson, the immortal who never gets rid of anything, sold the Infernal Chains of Sarro Rayus, a unique artefact for which, I might add, you spent centuries searching, because you didn’t want them anymore?”

Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ Quotes:

“This place smells like stripper’s perfume.”

“I saw him beat up a guy with a starfish.”

Scary Books

Book Review: Mary, Queen of Scots and The Murder of Lord Darnley

Mary, Queen of Scots and The Murder of Lord Darnley by Alison Weir

From the author of ‘The Six Wives of Henry VIII’ and ‘The Lady in the Tower’ comes this examination and defence of Mary, Queen of Scots concerning the murder of her second husband.

In 1567 Mary’s estranged husband Darnley died under mysterious and still unexplained circumstances. Mary was accused of holding no proper investigation and then to the shock of Europe she married the chief suspect Bothwell. This resulted in her people rising up against her; she lost her crown and fled to England never to see her country, child or freedom again.

This is a well written account of a turbulent time and shows how Mary was an inept ruler. It does not in my opinion clear her of murder. Weir provides many excuses for Mary’s bad judgment and inadequate Queenship.

But the bizarre circumstances of Darnley’s murder, the lack of investigation into the death of the king-consort and her astonishing marriage to the chief suspect in Darnley’s murder defy even Weir’s attempt to explain them away.

Mary comes across as a schemer with terrible judgment and no skills whatsoever at being a monarch. She was cosseted during her upbringing in France, she had health problems and was obsessed with the English throne and seemingly had no real interest in Scotland, she married Darnley seemingly because Queen Elizabeth I told her not too and then after marrying Bothwell refused to give him up.

Mary was an incessant schemer, she wanted Queen Elizabeth’s throne more than her own, she plotted against her own son and was a manipulative idiot right to the end. Mary, Queen of Scots was a failure as a Queen. She lost three husband and three kingdoms.

She probably did order the murder of Darnley who was a syphilis ridden idiot. Weir defends Mary on the charge of murder but does admit Mary had bad judgement. The very fact that Mary married Darnley at all is proof of that. This is good but Mary’s innocence is not proved.
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‘The Tourist’ trailer
Not bad, but what is with all the dodgy accents?

‘Skyline’ trailer
This looks good.

Nikita Ep 3 Review

Kill Jill

I like this show; it’s grim like the Banksy couch gag on ‘The Simpsons’. Jill a conspiracy blogger stumbles across Division after an unlucky hiker tapes a scene that involves a plane crash, black helicopters, commandos and mysterious parcels. Division target her for death, Nikita helps her. Meanwhile the anorexic looking Jill bonds with Jaden and the true believer Thom.

Birkhoff is under suspicion and is his usual obnoxious self. He does like ‘Sneakers’ though. Michael looks like he should be drinking larger out of a can on a street corner and not leading hit squads.

This was very good. Is Michael a Death Row recruit as well? Nikita wears spike heels to a hit? Why does the screen get blurry when Amanda is on screen? Michael recovered from his gun shot wound with no ill effects whatsoever didn’t he?

Best Lines:
“We’re not TMZ Jill.”

“They thought I was a mole, fascists.”

“And the reporter?”
“You mean the unhinged, unemployed maniac who shot her boss?”

“Full body cavity search as well.”
“That, that is overkill Amanda.”

“Drugs, please”

Scary Books

Dollhouse (2009 – 2010) Season 2 Review, Part 1


Victor’s scars are healing. Echo is back at work; her composite event is seemingly fixed. There are new opening credits which are all about Echo. Echo marries an arms dealer (the bland Jamie Bamber). She has a nice wedding dress and lingerie. Ballard pulls faces of moral indignation.

Senator Perrin (Alexis Denisof of ‘Angel’) rants against the Dollhouse and Rossum. Sierra gets a bizarre imprint. Topher whines and is vermin. Saunders is cracking up.

Bamber and Denisof’s real accents are on display and that is the only real highlight of this ep. It was okay but nothing special.

Best Lines:
How many more today?”
“Well the Jonas Brothers are back in town.”
“Say no more. Voracious little nippers.”

“You’re working an angle.”
“With the exception of the very special and the comatose, have you ever met someone who wasn’t?”


Echo is imprinted as a mother. Nate the idiot who hired her displays massive bad judgement. Echo grows too attached, becomes afraid of Nate and runs away with the child. Adelle visits Madeline (aka November aka Mellie) in her fancy apartment.

Perrin’s investigation into Rossum goes on, was Dominic giving him info? I miss Dominic. This was okay, but again noting special.

Why would Madeline set foot back in the Dollhouse? Why is Ballard such a jerk? Madeline’s tale of her recruitment by Rossum reeks of creepy manipulation. Why did Nate act like such an idiot? How did Echo escape from the Dollhouse again? Doesn’t Nate have an alarm? Did the writer of this ep see ‘The Hand That Rocks the Cradle’ one time too many?

Best Line:
“I have this irrational fear that if I say one wrong thing, men in suits are going to throw me in a black van and take me away.”

Belle Chose

A wannabe creepy croquet playing serial killer is run over by a car. So his personality is imprinted onto Victor on the orders of his Rossum share owning uncle (Michael Hogan). Meanwhile the uninteresting Echo is imprinted as Kiki a bimbo student.

Victor is helped escape and goes on the run. Echo hangs out with a pervy teacher, how can a teacher afford to hire an Active? Topher suggests a remote wipe, it goes wrong. Adelle needs shooting. This was boring, just a collection of morally bankrupt pimps running around. I’ve seen more melodrama on ‘Hollyoaks’ with Ste being beaten up by nutjob boyfriend Brendan who looks like a circa 1970’s pimp.

Why does Ballard never mention his previous interaction with Victor when he thought Victor was Lubov?

Best Lines:
We’ve imprinted an Active as a serial killer and then blindly let him loose upon the streets.”

“He’ll be an empty headed robot walking around Hollywood, he’ll be fine.”

“How is it that I get an F, when this guy that we’re reading, Chauncy, can’t even spell?”

“You know what that means? I have no idea but it’s wicked filthy.”


Sierra’s back-story is revealed. Back when she was Priya she was an artist who was stalked by the crazed Nolan (Vincent Ventresca). He stole her life and had her made into an Active so he could hire her.

When Topher and Adelle become aware of this, they are outraged. Adelle is a hypocrite; she’s a slave merchant just like Nolan. So when Nolan wants Sierra forever, she tells Topher to hand Sierra over.

Topher takes a break from treating people as playthings and being flippant and decides to help Sierra. It gets bloody. But on the upside we get scenes of Sierra and Victor being cute together and the final image of them curled up in a pod together is sweet. This was very good.

Nolan has an MD and a PhD? In what, evil? How did Echo etch all that info onto the lid of her pod? Wouldn’t Nolan’s drains clog? Didn’t Topher wonder just how Boyd did what he did? Why did Sierra choose to go back to the Dollhouse? Why did Boyd give Echo the key card? Why is Echo shoe horned into every scene?

Best Lines:
Nothing in this world could ever make me love you.”

“You wouldn’t like the retirement plan.”

“Some people are not reedy to wake up.”
“I don’t care. Something bad is coming, like a storm.”

The Public Eye

Perrin holds a press conference about the Dollhouse. Madeline joins in. Rossum big cheese Harding (Keith Carradine) sneers. Ballard hunts a suspected sleeper Active. Denisof cannot act.

Rossum turns out to be playing a long game. Echo ends up in the Washington DC Dollhouse where the bland Bennett (Summer Glau) works. She’s nut with a grudge against Caroline. This was okay.

Best Lines:
Once a sleeper Active’s protocol has been triggered, the thing you’re facing will neither be reasoned with nor stopped.”

“No-one ever really leaves here do they?”

“Paul Ballard. LA Dollhouse’s latest idiot hire.”

“Before he washed out at Yale, he was voted Most Likely To Wake Up In A Pool Of His Own Sick.”

“It’s my mind.”
“Not for some time now.”

The Left Hand

Adelle and Topher end up in the DC Dollhouse. Stewart Lipman (Ray Wise) is wasted. Topher acts like a moron. Why do TPTB think Topher is adorable? Adelle annoys. Cindy Perrin is played by a dreadful actress. Rossum’s latest long game comes to fruition. This was dull and Echo is on the run.

Season 2 is kind of a let down. What is Bennett up to? When was Perrin imprinted again? Why does no-one care about Madeline?

Meet Jane Doe

Ivy hangs around doing nothing. Topher blathers. Echo and Ballard hang out in Texas. How did they get to Texas from DC? Adelle wants Echo back, but doesn’t care that Saunders ran off back in ‘Vows’. Harding has taken over the LA Dollhouse. Adelle sulks at being demoted.

Echo and Ballard bore. When did Echo get a personality? Echo and Ballard kiss, all his pervy season 1 fantasies are coming true. Topher unveils his remote wipe/imprinting tech, the moral lesson he learned in ‘Belonging’ is forgotten. The future seen in ‘Epitaph One’ is set in motion when Adelle steals the info and gives it to Harding.

Topher is a moron and Adelle is her usual cartoon villain self with OTT cold callousness. This was boring.

Best Line:
Find Echo, even if it is in a ditch somewhere.”

A Love Supreme

What is the obsession everyone has with Echo? Alpha returns in all his prancing non-glory. Echo flops around like a fish in solitary. Adelle annoys. Topher is his usual oafish self and the low budget shows.

Sierra is dressed up in silver lame and looks like a tinfoil wrapped turkey. Alpha breaks into the Dollhouse and imprints all the Actives to attack. He then gets rid of an annoying character (or does he?). This was very good.

Where is Harding? Why don’t they just shoot Alpha? How does Alpha keep getting away? How does Alpha get into the Dollhouse? Why doesn’t Echo let Adelle die?

Best Line:
“This must be what old people feel like.”


Adelle tries to shag Victor one last time before his contract is up. Victor aka Anthony is freed. Anthony listens to Lady Gaga sing ‘Bad Romance’ and sleeps in his bathtub before he is carried off by men in black. He joins Scytheron, Rossum’s private military arm. Scytheon has a sub unit called Mind Whisper which links its members in a Borg like hive mind.

Echo and Sierra head out to save him. Adelle and her hideous haircut screeches. People end up in the Attic. This was okay.

What about those scenes in ‘Epitaph One’ of Ballard being Echo’s handler? Boyd going on the run? Saunders being back in the Dollhouse? How can Echo open her pod? Isn’t it locked? Did the Dollhouse security vanish after Dominic ended up in the Attic? Why is Echo wearing that stupid hat? Why are the hive-mind soldiers so useless? Why does Ivy keep working for Rossum? How do the people in the Attic breathe under the clingfilm? Where did Perrin go?

Best Lines:
There’s nothing left in Ballard’s head.”

“You leave a wake of destruction wherever you go.”

“The Attic.”
“They say it’s whatever hell you imagine. But I think it’s something far worse.”

Scary Books

The Event (2010 - 2011) Eps 1&2 Reviewed

Is this the new ‘Lost’? Based on the strength of these two episodes, it could be.

I Haven’t Told You Everything

Told in non-linear fashion, this tells of many many characters. But the primary focus is on Sean Walker (Jason Ritter) who goes on a cruise with his moron girlfriend Leila only for really very bad things to happen. Elsewhere bad things happen to Leila’s family but why them in particular?

Meanwhile President Elias Martinez (Blair Underwood) wants to close a detention facility and is holding a press conference about it. But who are the 97 prisoners at Mount Inostranka and what do they want? Sophia the leader of the 97 prisoners won’t answer any questions, which isn’t helping her case.

This was very good with multiple plots, questions, mysteries and reveals set up. It never lets up.

What is the event? Why can’t people know about it? How did Simon drive onto a runway? Did no other passenger see Simon driving alongside the plane? How did Sean get a gun onto the plane? How did Sean get off the cruise ship and onto the plane without a passport or money? Why didn’t they evacuate? Who are they? What happened in the final scene?

Best Lines:
Don’t let them out.”

“I’m not crazy, I’m not on drugs.”

To Keep Us Safe

Sean and co have wound up in the desert, not one passenger asks how. Black helicopters loom and that is never a good thing. Sean and Michael (Scott Patterson of ‘Gilmore Girls’) talk.

Some information about the detainees is revealed. Information about Sean and Leila’s ill advised cruise is revealed. There is a non-too surprising revelation about one character.

Why is everyone Sean encounters so unhelpful and stupid? The only person who was in anyway helpful was Michael of all people. What is all the talk of no hope and a fight? What is going on? Why are the detainees lying, keeping secrets and making threats? How did Sean get his IV out? What are the resources and what happened to the passengers?

Best Lines:
“They have technological capabilities we can’t even comprehend.”

“She’s been lying to us for six decades.”

“We need to root them out, every one of them.”

“Narcissistic delusion is common in any number of psychiatric illnesses.”