September 7th, 2010

Scary Books

Eastwick Ep 8 Review

Paint and Pleasure

The idiot Will/Kat/Raymond rubbish drags on despite Kat not actually being divorced. Joanna finally asks Penny to join her and her new friends for a drink and it goes badly. Roxie makes ugly art and flirts with Darryl, she truly is shameless. None of these characters are people; they’re just cartoons who run around acting like no real people do.

Joanna and Penny fall out after Penny points out correctly: “Whenever we do hang out, all we talk about is you.” Joanna being selfish, feuds with Penny as a result. Roxie wears a huge tacky necklace and makes a fool of herself. Joanna and Kat act like drunken sluts. Raymond’s moved on pretty quickly for being such a controlling jerk. A New York art buyer (Rosanna Arquette) shows up.

Where is Mia during all this? Kat nearly kills Raymond’s date via her magic weather powers. Jamie tries to kill Darryl via a really obvious patch of poison on his pillow. Joanna does something disgusting. Roxie has a vision and Jamie’s murder attempt succeeds but hits the wrong target. This was dull and why do the central characters act like spoilt six year olds?

Best Lines:
“I dropped out of art school.”
“Me too. See we have something in common.”
“Yeah I got pregnant and it was either tuition or baby food.”
“And I woke one day and realised I couldn’t paint or sculpt or draw.”

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The Vampire Diaries Season 1 Ep 5 Review

You’re Undead To Me

After provoking a spark of interest in me with ep 4, this ep promptly douses said spark within the first five minutes. Stefan describes Katherine to Elena as: Impatient, selfish and entitled. He might as well be describing Elena, she is just so annoying.

Vicki and Jeremy get high on Elena’s old pain pills and then break up again like anyone cares. Logan is vile. It is not explained why Stefan and Damon haven’t changed their names after so many decades of undead life. Elena learns Stefan was around in 1953 and demands answers in an accusing manner.

Damon escapes in a flurry of bad acting. He also kills Zack. Caroline is a snot and Bonnie starts a fire. Bonnie then runs to her grandmother (Jasmine Guy). Damon feeds on a pillhead, who walked toward him because she is dumb. Anyway maybe someday we’ll get answers to what the crystal is, why anyone likes Elena and why Stefan and Damon are the most annoying vampires ever.

Best Lines:
We’re not family Damon, only in the most dysfunctional sense.”

“You believe there’s actual news to cover in this town?”

“Want to talk boys? I’ll call dad, at least he’s successfully dating one.”

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The Deep Episode 5 Review

The Last Breath

This unloved show slumps toward the end. There are idiot goings on, plenty of ridiculous drama and people die. Somebody turns out not to dead and causes the death of an innocent person. Samson forgets he is married and lusts after Kelly. This was abominable. Everyone acts like they’re high and babble like idiots. Maddy makes an appearance from beyond the grave, stuff is blown up and somehow people don’t die or suffer from brain damage from oxygen deprivation.

There’s bad CGI and Orpheus finally surfaces. Everything is hushed up as Kelly learns the mission was never about what she thought it was. Polyester hair chick dies, Samson and Kelly revel in their lust and there is a sequel set up. Plus Catherine gets a non-heart warming reunion with her idiot offspring.
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Trailer Fun

Vampires Suck’ trailer
Hilarious but I’m sure all the funny moments are in this trailer.

‘Black Swan’ trailer
A crazy swan queen ballerina. This looks fantastic.

‘Nikita’ preview
Shane West looks smug, Aaron Stanford lurks and this looks good.

‘Cyrus’ trailer
This looks creepy actually.
Scary Books

Sons of Anarchy Season 2 Ep 1 Review

Albification

The gang continue their usual work of coercion and violence. But some people in town have had enough and call in outside forces to get the bikers out of Charming. The outside forces just happen to be neo-nazis led by the creepy suit wearing Adam Arkin and Henry Rollins. They start as they mean to go on by abducting Donna and doing ugly things to her.

Meanwhile Jax and Opie neglect their kids, there is bad acting, terrible Irish accents and Jax continues to be useless. He’s not doing much to change the gang and things can only get worse in Charming.

Best Line:
“Climb back into your little German clown car and drive back to nazi town.”
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Quotes of the Day

The Pale Horse’ Quotes

“There are dark forces at work here Inspector. They must be forced into the light.”

“How else do you think we’ve kept afloat since the bypass went through?”

~
‘The Simpsons’ Quote

I’m trying to be a sensitive father, you unwanted moron!”

Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Curse of Chalion + The Radleys

The Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold

A man whose life has been blighted by betrayal. A royal line afflicted by a curse. A usurper hungry for power who corrupts or kills those who would oppose him. Chalion is a land in turmoil as troubles within and enemies without threaten its very existence. But a configuration of events will allow champions to rise and a curse to be unravelled. This is very good with interesting world building.

~
The Radleys by Matt Haig

The Radleys are all deeply unhappy as they pretend to be a boring, middle class family. But one dark night daughter Clara is in danger and lashes out. Clara discovers the taste of blood and she likes it. The Radleys can’t pretend to be normal anymore especially when Uncle Will pays a visit.

Selfish destructive Uncle Will who leaves havoc and misery in his wake shakes the Radleys façade of normalcy forcing them to face who they really are: vampires. The Radleys are having an identity crisis and things are about to get ugly. This is a good tale of darkness and rot that lurk unseen all around you.
Scary Books

Bouquet of Barbed Wire (2010) Ep 1 Review

This was originally made as a scandalous and really popular miniseries in 1976 so naturally it’s been remade. I’ve never read the novel this is based on but now I want to. Peter (Trevor Eve) is married to Cassie (Hermione Norris of ‘Spooks’) and they have a beloved daughter Prue and a son David no-one really cares about. They all live in a huge house in the countryside and Peter adores Prue in a borderline creepy manner. Then she shags her English teacher Gavin and gets knocked up.

Prue tells daddy devoted that she is dropping out of school, throwing away her place at Oxford, marrying the much older Gavin and going to live in a grotty flat with him. ‘Juno’ this isn’t. Peter goes berserk especially since Gavin is a creepy controlling freak. Prue is inexplicably devoted to the nutcase.

Peter’s boss Giles suggests hiring blokes off the internet who will: “Dangle him out a top floor window until he begs to be allowed to emigrate.” But too late as Gavin and Prue have a grotty wedding and move into a vile tower block. Gavin hates Peter and Peter blames his wife for everything and is politely distant with her.

Cassie broods as Giles lusts after her, Peter shags his co-worker Sarah (Jemina Rooper of ‘Hex’) while brooding over Prue and Gavin batters his new wife. This is okay; there is just something vaguely unclean about this series.

Best Lines:
“I’ve been begging your mother for years to come and do swinish things in bed with me. Do you think she ever might?”
“Maybe if you brushed your teeth.”

“Got a few things on my mind: daughter despoiled by a sociopath and so on.”