August 26th, 2010

Scary Books

Trailer Fun

‘Kill Theory’ trailer
Mmmm, a group of friends are cornered by a killer who says: kill all your friends or else. This looks good.

‘Basement’ trailer
Danny Dyer’s latest Brit horror flick, it looks okay.

‘The Hole’ trailer
Teenagers have a party in a secret hideaway and are trapped inside. Looks ummm. Some of those kids look way too old to still be in school plus one of them is the sidekick from ‘Lewis’.

The Last Exorcism’ trailer
This looks creepy.

King Rolen’s Kin’ book trailer
This ad for the fantasy trilogy is not good but the books are, mostly.
Scary Books

The Deep Ep 4 Review

Everything Put Together Falls Apart

Raymond’s distress buoy broadcasts to the surface. People continue to be stupid. Catherine has found a species she calls a lava bug that produces clean energy. Three crew members are abandoned. Scarlet and her grandmother are in peril. Clem and Catherine have stupid issues and there is some bad acting.

Orpheus heads to the lava bug trench. So I guess they plan to use living creatures to replace oil reliance. Why couldn’t it have been aliens? Raymond plots, there is shrieking, a death and it’s all very, very boring.
Scary Books

Warehouse 13 Season 1 Eps 4 - 6 Reviewed

Claudia
The hacker aka Claudia shows up and she kidnaps Artie. She’s a snotty, entitled nut job and needs Artie to save her idiot brother from a compass teleportation experiment gone wrong. This was dull and the actress playing Claudia was terrible.

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Elements
Claudia and her idiot brother Joshua hang out until Artie somehow gets Joshua a job at CERN and rewards Claudia for her malfeasance by getting her a job at Warehouse 13. Meanwhile an auction house is robbed and Myka and Pete suspect Jeffrey Weaver (Joe Flanigan of ’Stargate Atlantis’ and ’Thoughtcrimes’). Jeffrey’s character makes no sense and we also get lots and lots of Claudia being an obnoxious snot. This was okay.

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Burnout
Myka and Pete find the body of a long dead Warehouse 13 agent. Claudia brats. Pete is in peril. This gormless plot has all the thrills of a go-kart race at reduced speed. Claudia has no insight, regret or remorse about her brattiness. Myka and Pete are dumb. Pete runs around roaring and this ep just reeks of mediocrity and self regard.
Scary Books

The Vampire Diaries Season 1 Ep 4 Review

Family Ties

What do Stefan and Damon The Rubbish Evil Vampire see in the bland Elena? Damon The Rubbish Evil Vampire won’t stop talking. Logan Fell local reporter slimes around. The Founder’s Council have a party. Tyler mistreats Vicki again as his daddy is mayor and his mommy is mean. Caroline’s mother is way smarter than her idiot child.

Damon The Rubbish Evil Vampire stirs the pot, Bonnie annoys, Jeremy has the Gilbert family pocket watch, there’s an important crystal floating around, Stefan gets the upper hand the Founder’s Council know all about vampires. This was okay, the Founder’s Council are interesting which compensates for Elena being a snot. Plus it is finally explained why Damon The Rubbish Evil Vampire and Stefan can swan about in sunlight.

Best Lines:
“Why don’t you sparkle?”
“Because I live in the real world where vampires burn in the sun.”

Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Ultraviolet + Threads

Ultraviolet (2006)

In this comic book styled movie Violet (Milla Jovovich) fights against a totalitarian medical regime led by the whore dropped bastard Daxus. This has a great trailer but this film is full of fight, pose, fight some more, pose some more, idiot plot, made up technology and is absolutely mad. There is too little information provided on the disease, the blood wars and this germ phobic world.

Daxus leads his evil minions from an nice and really unsubtly shaped building, shame the actor has all the charisma of sauerkraut because that really mutes the threat level Daxus presents especially after the revelation about him at the film’s climax.

This is loud, bright, dumb, incoherence but it has some nice touches: the bracelet credit card, the printable disposable phone and the ominous mention of something called the Collapse.

Best Lines:
“Do you know who I am?”
“How could I not? Tyrant, ego maniac, narcissist.”

“Are you mental?”

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Threads (1984)

This famous BBC drama/documentary was Event TV in it’s day and it still retains its power. It’s dated but it is bleak, involving viewing. Set in Sheffield, it shows the effect on two ordinary families of global nuclear war and the absolute devastation that follows.

Ruth and Jimmy decide to get married when she unexpectedly falls pregnant, they admire their new flat as in the background a complicated political crisis centring on Iran unfolds. But they have their families, Ruth has her beloved cat and Jimmy has his precious aviary and the thought of their unborn child to keep them happy. And then the attack sirens sound, a mushroom cloud is seen in the distance and glass milk bottles melt in the heat oncoming firestorm. Everything is swept away: houses, people, pets and civilization itself.

Jimmy’s parents survive in the ruins of their house knowing all their children are dead, both are dying of burns and radiation poisoning and are in despair. Elsewhere an emergency committee are trapped in their bunker and do nothing but yell and are unable to cope with the devastation. Ruth, her parents and grandmother survive in their cellar until Ruth runs away unable to cope. Eventually the grandmother dies and her body is left for the rats and the parents are killed by looters.

Ruth stumbles around in shock in the ruins. A hospital is full of screaming people and the floor is drenched in blood. Unburied corpses are everywhere. A vague form of martial law is established, if you can work you get some food. Dead sheep and rats are eaten by the desperate. Ruth gives birth and she and her child have no hope. Civilization is shattered and there is no way to rebuild. This was good chilling stuff full of nightmarish imagery.