August 16th, 2010

Scary Books

The Deep Ep 2 Review

Into the Belly of the Beast

Vincent is the new Maddy, a useless whining screamer. Captain Kelly and Samson head in to the giant vessel that looms above them. Meanwhile on land, Clem’s idiot daughter does stuff. Any hint of mystery developed in ep 1 is tossed aside as the ship turns out to be Russian and it’s all about oil apparently.

Raymond plays the shame card, most of the Russian crew turn out to be dead, there are mysterious items in a box and the giant submarine doesn’t look like a submarine, it looks like a warehouse. The Orpheus’ Russian crewmember runs about showing off her polyester wig.

There are jokes about welding, Samson gets into peril again and there is techno babble. To the surprise of no-one the Hermes is onboard the huge submarine. Meanwhile on land, someone has gone through Catherine’s stuff. This was okay but pedantic.
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Eastwick Ep 5 Review

Mooning and Crooning

Darryl blathers on about a celestial event that will drive the town wild for a night. Mia continues to be stupid and a cow. Roxie tells Carl about her powers. The idiot Will plot drags on and now he hooks up with Kat. Rev Dunn’s wife calls the slappers out.

Kat sluts it up, sings in a bar and starts fires. Who is minding her kids? Joanna degrades herself for ‘humour’. Eastwick goes wild. Penny hits on Joanna. Roxie has an ominous vision. Joanna writes an expose of Darryl which goes wrong. She loses her job. Why doesn’t she use her powers to save her job and get Will to forgive her? Why doesn’t Joanna ask Penny who her source is? Why do Joanna, Roxie and Kat hang out with Darryl? This was okay.

Best Lines:
“How was dinner?”
“Fine. The pastor’s wife yelled at us and called us whores.”

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V Season 1 Ep 10 Review

Hearts and Minds

Erica says she has four brothers, where are they? Ryan makes a decision to have a V shuttle shot down; it may have been full of humans and not V Trackers. Chad scurries and plots. Jack is unsubtle and Anna has a plan. Joshua’s an idiot. Anna wears black lipstick.

The Resistance are incompetent. What are the V doing to the humans with all those needles? Jack is questioned by the FBI and it is not taped for some reason. Erica gets to head up the Fifth Column hunting taskforce. Another of her co-workers turns out to be a V. Lisa ditches Tyler and Anna beats Lisa up. This was not very good at all.
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The Vampire Diaries Season 1 Ep 2 Review

The Night of the Comet

More immoral teenagers fall prey to Damon; these characters should be driven to skid row and dropped off with the bums. A comet passes overhead. Jeremy and Tyler feud over the skanky Vicki. The vile Mr Tanner strikes again. Damon The Rubbish Baddie and Elena meet.

The vampire SFX are rubbish. Jeremy does not look 15. Damon and Stefan treat Vicki like a taco they dropped on the ground. Damon The Rubbish Baddie chows on Caroline and her Courtney Love reject dress. This was boring and disappointing and the wailing soundtrack annoys.

Best Lines:
Wait til you date a guy with mommy issues or cheating issues or amphetamine issues.”

“I know you.”
“Well, that’s unfortunate.”

“Let them drive a stake through my heart because at least I’ll be free of you.”

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Anne Of The Thousand Days Quotes

Whatever villainy was lacking in the world when Henry VII was born he invented before he left it.”

“You’re his concubine; I’ve a hag for a wife.”

“As far away as I could send her since we don’t own Scotland.”

“I wish I were loved but I’m not and yet I’m Queen of this island.”

 

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Book Reviews: Revelation + Never Let Me Go

Revelation by C.J. Sanson

In 1543 lawyer Matthew Shardlake works on the case of boy suffering from religious mania. Also a series of horrific murders take place. No-one knows what to make of them but Shardlake suspects that one man in behind them.

Shardlake also deduces that the murders are connected to the Book of Revelation and the woman who is soon to become King Henry VIII’s sixth wife, Catherine Parr. This is an enjoyable historical mystery which unfortunately at times slips into sub par ‘Silence of the Lambs’ territory. Otherwise, this is a good read.

~
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro

Kathy, Ruth and Tom grew up in Hailsham, an idyllic establishment deep in the countryside. There they were sheltered and told they were special. Then they grow up, leave Hailsham and begin the work for which they are destined.

It takes a long time but Kathy, Ruth and Tom have to face the truth about their upbringing and their future. This is a good, creepy, chilling and sad tale. The wrongness of what is going on creeps up on you bit by bit.
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Movie Review: Night of the Comet (1984)

A classic b-movie. The ominous opening narration explains the plot set-up: “Since before recorded time it had swung through the universe in an elliptical orbit so large that its very existence remained a secret of time and space. But now in the last few years of the 20th Century, the visitor was returning...Scientists predicted a lightshow of stellar proportions. Something not seen on Earth for 65 million years. Indeed not since the time the dinosaurs disappeared, virtually overnight. There were a few who saw this as more than just a coincidence. But most didn’t.”

Regina and her perm, her sister Samantha who has a squeaky voice and is apparently colour blind are two of the few survivors when the tail of the comet reduces the human race (and their evil stepmother Doris and their dog) to piles of red dust. How can the tail of a comet turn people into calcium dust? How did steel protect the survivors from the comet?

Regina’s idiot boytoy Larry survived the comet but is promptly killed by a comet zombie. Regina soon forgets all bout Larry when Hector (Robert Beltran of ‘Star Trek: Voyager’) shows up. Nobody asks why the electricity is still working or how they’ll survive long term now the human race is all but extinct, all they are care about is who gets Hector.

This has nice music and some ominous moments. Then evil scientists in ugly jumpsuits show up hunting down survivors for their blood. There’s an unnecessary dream sequence. Samantha and Regina take a break from fighting over Hector to go shopping as a bad cover version of ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fun’ plays. Then some annoying comet zombies show up trying to do an impression of Nic Cage munching the furniture and failing.

The second half of this film isn’t as good as the first; still you’d need a heart of anthracite to resist this as a motley crew of survivors plan to rebuild civilization while wearing hideous 1980’s attire. This is good.