August 2nd, 2010

Scary Books

Eastwick Ep 3 Review

Madams and Madames

Bun’s gone nuts, Rev Dunn (Tom Amandes of ‘Everwood’) leads opposition to Darryl and calls him out. Mia has a boring high school sub plot, Roxie is haunted by Gus and Kat’s boring marriage problems drag on. Raymond acts out, Kat is dumb and Raymond plots.

Joanne ruins Rev Dunn when she photographs him at a house of ill repute and then he goes after her. Darryl plots, he robs Joanna’s house, apparently has powers and smirks a lot. Paul Gross goes all out as Darryl. This is dull.

Best Lines:
Who are you and why did you come here?”
“You don’t want to know.”

Scary Books

Movie Reviews: A Study in Terror + Men in Black

A Study In Terror (1965)

Sherlock Holmes vs Jack The Ripper, no it’s not ‘Murder by Decree’. Holmes (John Neville of ‘The X Files’ and ‘Urban Legend’) investigates murders in Whitechapel. Victims sport terrible cockney accents and look too clean. Also one poor victim is thrown into a horse trough and stabbed but it is clear that the knife is missing her by at least two feet.

Watson overacts, there are touches of humour and secrets of revealed. Mycroft Holmes pops up, nobles and politics become involved and there are different versions of the truth. The killer is revealed and Holmes is shown to be truly callous. This is okay.

Best Line:
My name would alarm you.”

Men in Black (1997)

K (Tommy Lee Jones) and J (Will Smith) protect the Earth from the scum of the universe aka a bad giant cockroach (Vincent D’Onofrio of ‘Law & Order: Criminal Intent’).

The MIB under the leadership of Z (Rip Torn of ‘Dodgeball’) protect Earth from alien threats. K is jaded, J yells a lot and bizarre aliens wander around. K and J have to find a missing galaxy and somehow fail to notice that it is on a cute cat’s collar, despite the fact being blatantly obvious.

Also K pines for his lost love and at the end of the film, leaves the MIB after 35 years of service and is reunited with her. Only for the dire second film to reveal that she left him and K returns to being a surly MIB agent which is really sad.

There are funny moments in this like K vs the dog and the super cat, but it does feel like a TV pilot. Also the unnecessary Laurel (Linda Fiorentino) is shoved into the plot. This is okay.

Best Lines:
“That’s enough Mikey, you hand me that head...put up your arms and all your flippers.”

“You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold dead fingers.”
“Your proposal is acceptable.”

“You’ll get used to it or you’ll have a psychotic episode.”

“You don’t matter, in fact in a few seconds you won’t even be matter.”

Scary Books

Various things

The Deep’ trailer makes it look worse than ‘Bonekickers’.

I want to see horror flick ‘Basement’. I am not enjoying ‘The Passage’. I want to see 'White Collar'.
Scary Books

Quotes of the Day

Down With St. Desmond’s’ Quotes:

“How any girl could pinch a pen from a cripple, I don’t know.”

“That was my mother she was talking about. She called her a ‘jealous, horrible girl’.”

“She’s not a cripple, nor an orphan, but she is a vindictive little villain.”

“Theft, cheating at exams, you name it, I did it. Did they tell you I pinched a trophy, a violin and a rare book from the library. I had a great time till I made the dump too hot to hold me.”

“The old tuck-shop. I haven’t eaten a stodgy bun for twenty-five years! Madly nostalgic, isn’t it, girls.”

“Still making rotten doughnuts and rubber scones, Doreen? Golly, remember how I pinched the money from your till then made all the kids sick by putting chemicals in your buns! Happy days!”

Fight Club’ Quote:

I am Joe’s Raging Bile Duct.”
Scary Books

Another Tape Tale of 2000

Cleared out a tape from 2000. It had two ‘Xena Warrior Princess’, one ‘G vs E’ and one ‘The X Files’ on it.

The first ‘Xena’ was ‘Looking Death in the Eye’ as the annoying Eve plot drags on. The gods hunt Xena as her baby Eve is predicted to bring about the Twilight of the gods, which turned out to be a self fulfilling prophecy anyway. For some reason, Gabrielle doesn’t bring up the whole Hope issue. Ares, Athena and the second Hades and Celesta run around displaying bad acting. Octavian shows up as well for no clear reason. Joxer is stupid, the idiot Eli is mentioned and Xena and co fall off a cliff. The gods fall for Xena’s plan but Xena doesn’t plan on Ares entombing her and Gabrielle in ice while Octavian takes Eve away to raise himself. This was dull. Not only did they recast Hades but they had him turn on Xena, he was her ally for many seasons and now he’s her enemy. Makes no sense!

The tale continued in the second ‘Xena’ ep ‘Livia’ in which an avalanche wakes Xena and Gabrielle up after 25 years. An exposition shouting peasant woman reveals people still follow the late idiot Eli and that an evil Roman woman named Livia is rampaging. It seems Joxer married Meg and had kids but he still obsesses over Xena and Gabrielle. Xena hops on Argo II and heads for Rome where Octavian is now Emperor. Xena realises that Livia is Eve and Octavian plans to marry her, eeeeewwww. Ares schemes and Livia a devoted Roman woman has no issues about making out with a Greek god. Livia tantrums and denies Xena: “You are not my mother, Rome is my mother!” This was dull.

Then there was the ‘G vs E’ ep ‘Ambulance Chaser’ in which a reporter tapes a Corps vs Morlock battle and wants to expose the Corps cue a mountain of bad acting and uninteresting plotting.

The X Files’ ep was ‘Requiem’ in which Krycek is somehow in jail in Tunisia. Mulder’s abducted by aliens. Scully’s knocked up and Krycek then pushes Cigarette Smoking Man down the stairs. This was all too po-faced and meaningless.

Sherlock 1x02 Review

The Blind Banker

Holmes’ college ‘buddy’ asks him for help involving a break in at a bank. This leads to multiple dead bodies, weird symbols, a crime syndicate and a really bad date. This was okay but not as good as Ep 1.

Watson is a doormat to Holmes putting up with his inhuman coldness, cruelty and darkness. Still Holmes continues to be sexually ambivalent and Watson is still astonished by him, there’s a touch of the suggestively intimate to their living arrangements. Still what happened to Watson’s ASBO and court date?

Best Lines:
“This is my friend John Watson.”

“They’re giving me an ASBO!”

“Digesting slows me down.”

“I said could you pass me a pen?”
“About an hour ago.”
“Didn’t notice I’d gone out then?”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Kitty Goes to War + Stone Spring

Kitty Goes to War by Carrie Vaughn

The eighth ‘Kitty’ novel is a return to form after the disappointing ‘Kitty Raises Hell’ and ‘Kitty’s House of Horrors’. Kitty tries to help three werewolf soldiers with PTSD as well as deal with the evil CEO of a chain of convenience stores.

It’s all in a day’s work for Kitty – Alpha Werewolf/talk radio host. This is a good novel with nice characterization.

Stone Spring by Stephen Baxter

From the author of ‘Flood’, ‘Ark’, ‘Moonseed’ and ‘Voyage’ comes this alternate history tale of how Mesolithic girl changes the world. Ana lives in Northland, a vast fertile plain that once joined Britain to the Continent. Life is good in Northland, but the sea is rising.

One day a Tsunami nearly destroys Ana’s people and to save what little is left, she dedicates her life to building a wall to keep the sea out. To save Northland from drowning beneath the waves, Ana will do anything no matter the cost to her and to those around her.

This is a fascinating tale of a brutal world and of vastly different cultures. It’s a good tale of strength of will and how a single person can change everything.