May 30th, 2010

Scary Books

The Langoliers (1995) Review, Part 2

Dinah gets stabbed because people are idiots. They have no sign of trepidation or nervousness, even when Albert gets into a toaster vs knife fight with the deranged Toomey. This seems full of padding and Dinah will not stop yapping.

There is low key, naturalistic acting and then there is no acting which is what 97% of the cast of this are guilty if. Poor Dean Stockwell, he goes from ‘Kim’ to this. There is no tension and don’t even get me started on the psychic claptrap.

Toomey kills Don and there are noises over the horizon. People shuffle their feet in response, wasn’t the world just waiting for this? This isn’t character based, it’s just naff. The novella was highly emotive, but this adaptation is not well rounded, does not flow effectively and we get not insight into Toomey’s tortured soul. He is just a hard edged bully in this.

Finally the Langoliers show up and they are bad 90’s CGI with big teeth. This was dire and grainy looking. Most of them get home and do a skip of joy. How do they plan to explain the plane and all the missing people?

Best Lines:
What is that noise?”
“My dear, I hope we never have to find out.”

“He tends to turn away and curse loudly when he hears my name.”

Scary Books


‘Armored’ trailer
Yet another boring heist movie perpetuated by selfish people. Don’t care.

Return to Horror High’ trailer
This 80’s spoof looks dire.

Sleepaway Camp 2’ trailer
She weeds out the bad. This looks like it didn’t even have a budget.

Sleepaway Camp 3: Teenage Wasteland’ trailer
Those immoral young campers, when will they ever learn. The acting looks terrible.

Best Line:
“I’ve never chopped wood before. But I’ve chopped other things.”

The Majorettes’ trailer
This looks so sleazy.

‘Girlfriend From Hell’ trailer
Satanic girlfriend, killer nuns and hideous 80’s fashions.
Scary Books

Quotes of the Day

NCIS: LA’ Quote:

“I will come for you with my letter opener.”

Sherlock Holmes: The Priory School’ Quotes:

How is it Watson?”
“It is disgusting Holmes.”

“Watson you have a blazing talent for observing the obvious.”

“Insufferable lout.”

 ‘Sherlock Holmes: The Man with the Twisted Lip’ Quotes:

“I hope you’re not smoking the substance in that pipe Holmes.”

“Watson there is a hint of scepticism in your voice which does you no credit.”


Scary Books

Movie Review: Scavenger Hunt (1979)

A rich man named Mr Parker (Vincent Price) dies, stipulating in his will that the winner of a scavenger hunt will inherit his $200 estate. The potential beneficiaries form into teams and run around stealing stuff so they can be rich.

There is Parker’s sister Mildred (Cloris Leachman), her attorney (Richard Benjamin) and her idiot son. They’re the baddies, in case their various psychotic episodes don’t clue you in. There is Parker’s son in law Henry and his pack of brats. Parker’s nephews Jeffrey and Kenny (Dirk Benedict) who team up with Mildred’s unloved stepdaughter Lisa. There is a cab driver (Richard Muligan) who takes part for no clear reason and Parker’s staff (which for some reason does not include his nurse): the chauffer, chef, butler (Roddy McDowall) and Babbette the French maid in her stripper wear.

Parker’s gloating, sarcastic legal team gloats. Is this will even legal? The team run around and much non-comedy and wild over acting is on display. No to mention the vile 70’s fashions. The teams have to get 100 items and put them in a pen on Parker’s lawn by 5pm to win.

They’re selfish thieves: Mildred’s son seems to have mental problems, the staff steal a toilet in a prolonged unfunny scene, the nephews and Lisa steal a fast food mascot and get high. There is much non-PC humour. Does this film get funny? Not really, it’s funnier if you watch it when you’re a child.

Mildred’s lawyer steals a foxtail from a biker gang and is menaced by their leader (Meat Loaf). Henry and his kids have sappy scenes and then he goes into a gym and is tossed out a window by Lars (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and in one mildly amusing scene the staff get trapped in a room full of foam.

Mildred and co cheat but as the moral message tells us, sharing is good. This is moderately okay time passer.

Best Lines:
You’re overdoing it.”
“I loved him like a brother.”
“He was your brother.”

“Let me tell you your fortune, you don’t get any fortune!”


Lost Season 1 Eps 1&2 Rewatch

Pilot parts 1&2

So ‘Lost’, was it all just Vincent’s dream? Kidding. I love these eps, Jack wakes up in the bamboo grove in shock. Poor Jack, he has no idea what’s coming. In retrospect, season 1 was my favourite.

Jack runs around saving all the Flight 815 survivors and tending to their wounds, don’t bother Jack by season 6 most of them will be dead anyway. I do crave Shannon’s pink jacket. Claire looks at cold airline food with a bit too much relish. Kate and Jack bond and the monster makes its presence felt.

The scenery is beautiful, shame they cut back on showing it in later seasons. Kate, Jack and Charlie go to look for the cockpit and as they make their way across the island they are not tripping over Ben, submarines, Dharma, the Black Rock, hatches, Others, cabins, Temples or monuments - which is very refreshing.

‘Lost’ began as a survival drama and season 6 was something vastly different. As the monster attacks the cockpit Jack hangs onto Kate as Charlie is ignored and the pilot (Greg Grunberg of ’Heroes’) is monster chow.

Elsewhere the long dance of the in’s and out’s of Sun and Jin’s marriage begins. Hurley and Sayid chat, Sayid utters his classic “Republican Guard” line. Kate shows that even as a fugitive on the run she’s been waxing. Jack tells her to run in case of any danger, oh the irony. Shannon is useless.

Sayid, Sawyer, Kate, Charlie, Boone and Shannon hear the French message that has been playing for 16 years. Hurley faints, the US Marshal wakes up and Kate lies and manipulates. This was excellent, the scene with Kate and the tail section getting ripped off is amazing.

What happened to the man with the injured leg? Where Cindy, Zack and Emma left alive on the island after season 6? Why did the monster kill the pilot? Why did Flight 815 go off course? What happened to the transceiver? Is the pilot’s body still up in tat tee? If Charlie was in first class when the plane broke up, how did he survive and end up on the beach? How did Kate get to Australia when she was a wanted felon with no passport? Where did Kate get that orange t-shirt? What happened to Sawyer being a smoker? Nobody saw Kate in handcuffs? Why was the Marshal so obsessed with Kate? Why did the Others let that message transmit for 16 years? Why did the 815 folk not wonder how it was being transmitted?

Best Lines:
“I might throw up on you.”

“What the hell just happened?”

“You spent a year in Paris.”
“Drinking not studying.”

“Yo! There’s a rescue plane! We’re saved! Yay! Yeah, he’s out.”

“Someone else was stranded here?”

Scary Books

Book Reviews: Unspoken Truth + Wastelands

Star Trek: Unspoken Truth by Margaret Wander Bonanno

An excellent Trek novel from the author who gave us ’Dwellers in the Crucible’, ’Strangers From the Sky’, ’Catalyst of Sorrows’ and ’Burning Dreams’.

Saavik is a Starfleet officer but she is also the product of a vile Romulan breeding programme. As a child she was left to die on a terrible world known as Hellguard. She survived and was rescued by the man who became her mentor, Spock.

Saavik has prospered but turmoil rages within this Vulcan/Romulan hybrid and when her past catches up with her, Saavik will do what she does best. Survive. This is a an excellent character piece and a wonderful novel.

Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse Edited by John Joseph Adams

This is a collection of tales that ponder life in the aftermath of total societal collapse and it is excellent.

The End of the Whole Mess
In trying to save the world, two bothers destroy human intellect. This is excellent.

The People of Sand and Slag
In the far future humanity has become something monstrous and a reminder of the past shows just how ugly this future is. This is heart rending and excellent.

Bread and Bombs
Warfare and distrust and the fallout from both. This is okay.

How we got in town and out again
A bleak view of what constitutes fun in a post-apoc world.

Dark, Dark Were The Tunnels
Two different branches of humanity survived a nuclear war. When they encounter each other it ends badly. Excellent.

Waiting for The Zephyr
A woman wants to escape to a better life but faces opposition, this is okay.

Never Despair
A woman hunts for a legendary repository of knowledge that could rebuild a shattered world. This is okay.

When Sysadmins Rule the Earth
Civilization ends and when the computer systems administrators notice they try to rebuild via the internet. This is good.

Still Life With Apocalypse
A short bitter tale.

Artie’s Angels
The King Arthur myth is retold in a post-apoc world. This is okay.

Judgment Passed
A spaceship returns to Earth to find that the Day of Judgment took place when they were away. This is okay.

Victims of a plague live as pariahs, but maybe they can change the fate of a doomed world. This is good.

And the Deep Blue Sea
Satan haunts a woman travelling through a radioactive zone. This is good.

The End of the World as We Know It
A man experiences the end of the world and it’s not like the books and movies at all. This is very good.

A Song before Sunset
The world has ended, what use is music? This is okay.

Episode Seven: Last Stand against The Pack in the Kingdom of the Purple Flowers
Two friends may be the only survivors of a cataclysm that has ended civilization. But where d the plagues and monsters come from and what is one of them becoming? This is good.