May 21st, 2010

Scary Books

Movie Review: Salvage (2010)

In this low budget and ineffective UK horror, it’s Christmas Eve on what looks like the leftover set from ‘Brookside’. Via a lot of incoherent yelling we learn that a shipping container has washed up on a nearby beach and that Jodie a sulky teenager has to spend some time with her estranged mother Beth.

There is bad acting and shrieking and then soldiers invade the cul-de-sac and order everyone indoors. The phones don’t work and even looking out the window is a bad idea. Via long boring interludes and more incoherent screaming we learn what is loose. Beth finds Jodie and there is a downer ending. This was awful, it’s no ‘Dog Soldiers’ or ‘Shaun of the Dead’.
Scary Books

Stargate Universe Season 1 Ep 16 Review

Sabotage

Everyone on Destiny should all die in hell. TJ’s suddenly showing, Wray exchanges with a disabled scientist and Destiny’s adrift. Also Eli, Scott and Chloe suddenly find their way back to the ship. There is a musical montage yet again and the fish aliens show up yet again.

Franklin, the guy who was brain fried by the chair, wakes up. Stuff happens and Franklin may or may not have Ascended or just died. This was dull.

Best Line:
Destiny will drift the rest of the way but our bones will be dust by then.”
Scary Books

Book Review: The Children Of Kings

Star Trek: The Children of Kings by Dave Stern

This is a dire mish mash of junk science, Orions and really really obscure Trek characters. TPTB really dropped the ball by not publishing any tie-ins to the 2009 film. This is utterly worthless.
Scary Books

The Langoliers (1995) Review, Part 1

This miniseries is based on a novella from Stephen King’s ‘Four Past Midnight’. It’s about how a plane trip goes wrong. It begins with exposition dumps, bad 90’s attire and it is way over lit and that’s even before the plane takes off.

Sometime during the flight the blind girl Dinah wakes up and begins shrieking, she can’t act even her shrieking is badly acted. Various other characters are woken by the shrieking, among them Laurel (Patricia Wettig of ‘Prison Break’), Bob (Dean Stockwell of ‘Quantum Leap’), Brian (David Morse) and the noxious Craig (Bronson Pinchot). People react to the fact that the plane is all but empty by acting stoned.

How did passengers and crew disappear in mid air leaving just 10 strangers behind? Craig doesn’t care and yells a lot probably because all the hair gel on his head has seeped into his ears and meted his brain. Pinchot overacts, chews the scenery and shouts every line of dialogue.

Various other characters - Rudy, Nick (Mark Lindsay Chapman), Don, Bethany and Albert - pop up. Nick gets the cockpit door open rather easily so Brian can land the plane at a deserted airport. Everyone else revels in their respective incompetence.

Rob deduces that they’ve travelled through a time rip and Dinah says that mysterious IBS style noises they can hear in the distance are a bad thing. This is very faithful to the source materiel but has no spark it is just too dull and talky.

Best Line:
Love. Is. Not. Part. Of. The. Big. Picture.”
Scary Books

Trailers

Fringe 2x23 promo

This looks so good! What is Peter doing and what side is he on? Walter set all this in motion by stealing Peter.

Best Lines:
“They’re monsters in our skin.”

“You stole Peter.”


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True Blood season 3 promo
Werewolves show up. This looks okay and Jason Stackhouse is still dumb: “Bigfoot, is he real too?”

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SGU 1x17/1x18 promos
These look mediocre and reek of stunt casting.

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‘Bionic’ - Christina Aguilera
This song is so awful it defies description.
Scary Books

Lost Season 6 Ep 16 Review

What They Died For

I am really sick of the pointless flash sideways and don’t even get me started on what happened to Richard in this ep. If TPTB have killed him off, I’m not buying the season 6 boxset. Richard was in more eps in season 3 and 5 when he was a guest star then he was in this season.

Sawyer’s dumb. Richard buried Alex, Ben thanks him for this. Zoë and Widmore show up to look smug, Then Fake Locke does something to Richard and Ben switches sides, again. Fake Locke kills Zoë, finally. Ben gets his revenge for Alex. Jacob admits what he did to his twin brother was a mistake. He needs a replacement and so got a plane full of unhappy flawed people to crash on his island and one of the surviving unhappy flawed people volunteers. Fake Locke wants to destroy the island.

In the flash sideways Desmond’s cut his hair, Ben tries to make a citizen’s arrest and Desmond beats Ben up. Desmond wants Locke to let go, of what? Desmond ends up in jail with Sayid and Kate. Alex has Danielle and Ben bond. This was good except for poor Richard.

What is Jack using as a needle to sew Kate’s wound? Ji Yeon will grow up without parents due to her parents being selfish idiots. Did Jacob really invite Widmore back? Where is Miles? Is Richard dead? How did Danielle and Alex end up in LA? Did Locke see the light at the heart of the island back in season 1? Why didn’t Hurley want the job? Why hasn’t the Marshal resurfaced? Why is Hurley working with Desmond? Why is Ana-Lucia not ready? Why is Desmond a fail safe? Didn’t Jack worry about parasites in that water?

Best Lines:
“If you need us, we’ll be running through the jungle.”

“He’s hiding in my closet.”

“You don’t want to see this.”
“I want to see this.”