February 19th, 2010

Scary Books

Caprica Ep 3 Review

Reins of a Waterfall

Zoë as herself and as an avatar is an annoying narcissist. Neither Daniel nor Joseph seems in complete control of their mental facilities. Amanda is fired. Lacy is harassed at school. Sam beats up Daniel. Willie hangs out with his uncle’s crime lord friends.

The police chief (Peter Wingfield of ‘Highlander’, ‘Strange World’ and ‘Sanctuary’) reveals some information about Ben Starke that is promptly covered up. Joseph is yelled at. Zoë and Lacy let Tamara loose. The Graystones have no friends and Daniel is urged to use PR.

Sister Clarice hangs around being useless; it is revealed that Zoë didn’t trust her. Avatar Zoë bullies Lacy. Clarice and her boss blather on about Avatars, apotheosis and prophecy. So that’s where the cylons got their boring whining from.

Lacy has more boring teenage issues. Joseph fearing Tamara is lost orders a hit on Amanda. This was dull, these people are all jerks.
Scary Books

Survivors Series 2 Ep 5 Review

The gang meet up with yet another group of survivors. This lot live on a farm in an idyllic valley and everyone has clean and shiny clothes, teeth and hair. Then Sarah stumbles across a couple suffering from a mutated version of the virus and a quarantine zone is established, barely.

Meanwhile Greg and Abby visit his home using their endless petrol. The duo learns about the postcards which were a secret invitation to an airfield where a select evacuation was carried out.

Tom gets annoyed when a farm lass catches Anya’s eye so he bullies her into consummating their relationship. Al’s a moron, Naj is a brat and Sarah tends to the dying couple. As predicted by the evil scientists the second wave of the virus has arrived. Tom of all people figures out the virus is being spread by the birds. Sarah dies. Abby burns down the plague house and leads a return to the lab. How do they find the lab? How do they never run out of petrol? At the lab things get even more dramatic.

Who were the chosen few who were saved? Who choose them? Where Greg’s wife and kids among them? Where did the chosen escape to? How did they know what was coming? How has Greg recovered from his gunshot wound so fast?

Best Line:
The virus finally broke through their defences.
Scary Books

Quotes of the Day

Modern Family’ Quotes

“The universe is cold and loveless.”

“Oh that’s what you were doing in the shower. I was a little worried.”


The Simpsons’ Quote

“You weren’t the first prankster to destroy the car I rent from mother and you won’t be the last.”
“Rent to own, just 35 more payments and it’s halfway mine.”

Scary Books

Cleared out a tape from 1997

It has one ‘Xena, Warrior Princess’, two ‘The Burning Zone’, one ‘Sliders’, one ‘Star Trek: Voyager’ and one ‘Babylon 5’ on it. Nostalgia time! Or not.

The ‘Xena, Warrior Princess’ ep was the season 1 ep ‘A Fistful of Dinars’ as Xena and her chatty sidekick are drawn into a treasure hunt. An assassin and Xena’s warlord ex-fiancée are along for the ride. Cue a light hearted adventure with a collapsing rope bridge, a convenient volcano and bizarre traps. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Who’s the brat?”
“I’m Gabrielle, who are you?”
“Go away.”

“How are you?”
“Quite well actually.”
“Too bad.”

“Nice move pretty boy.”

The ‘Star Trek: Voyager’ ep was ‘Message in a Bottle’ where the lost starship detects another Starfleet vessel via the Hirogen relay system. For various techno babble reasons they can’t talk to it so they send the Doctor’s hologram programme instead. The Doctor ends up on the USS Prometheus which has been commandeered by Romulans. So the Doctor and the Prometheus’ EMH2 (Andy Dick) have to save the day. Cue bad acting and the Doctor and the EMH2 trying to outdo each other in scenery chewing and large ham acting. There are idiot subplots, the Prometheus shows off its multi vector assault mode and contact with Starfleet Command happens off screen. This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
Is the Federation at war with the Romulans?”
“No, the Romulans haven’t got involved in our fight with the Dominion.”
“The who?”
“Long story.”

“I elicit apprehension.”

“Paranoia is a way of life for you isn’t it?”

The ‘Sliders’ ep was ‘The Dying Fields’ which involves the shark jumping baddies the Kromaggs. The gang (Quinn, Colin, Maggie and Rembrandt) end up in a training camp for Kromagg/human hybrids who can’t act. There is bad SFX, the horror of the “breeding colonies” is underplayed and there is some terrible dialogue. This dull ep has a downer ending.

The first ‘The Burning Zone’ ep was ‘Lethal Injection’ in which Cassain is alerted to the Gethsemane Project in which a group of nuts use death row inmates to communicate with the other side. There is a freakish depiction of the other side which owes a debt to ‘Phantasm’. This show had great opening credits.

Dr Marcase (Jeffrey Dean Morgan of ‘Watchmen’ and ‘Supernatural’) is outraged. A convict (Keith Szarabajka of ‘Profit’ and ‘Angel’) is experimented on and the head scientist (Dennis Christopher of ‘Profiler’) is nuts. Marcase is sent on a trip to the other side. Marcase runs around the city of the dead and is subject to really unsubtle symbolism and is remarkably calm about it all. Cassain chats on his huge mobile phone. Wheezing shuffling zombies lurk. This was okay, I miss this show.

Best Lines:
“We believe we’ve made contact with intelligent beings on the other side.”
“The other side of what?”

“What you consider death is nothing more than changing realities.”
“Really? Well isn’t that a relief.”

“Go to hell.”
“Well, you’ll get there before we do.”

“We’ve lost contact with his personality.”

“Has everyone in our government gone insane?”

The second ‘The Burning Zone’ episode was ‘Touch of the Dead’. It’s Cassain’s birthday and someone infects him with a deadly plague, that for some reason isn’t contagious. Cassain remembers his old love Rachel and we get hilarious flashbacks to Cassain as a long haired, shorts wearing nice guy. Cassain clenches his jaw so much I’m amazed he never fractured his teeth.

Hailey chats to a woman in a loony bin who fakes insanity, Rachel shows up to be ethereal and the show’s Big Bad show up. The Big Bad are The Dawn who are dedicated to wiping out humanity; they have a very eye catching logo. Cassain was unaware until now his best friend was in The Dawn, talk about failing upwards. Cassain sets a trap for his ‘friend’ involving a car door handle, a razor blade and Cassain’s pestilent blood. Rachel’s new age babble saves Cassain, the fate of his ‘friend’ is unknown. This was dull.

Best Lines:
Let’s smoke the hive and see which bees come out.”
“I hate bees, poked a stick at a beehive when I was young once and got stung 39 times.”
“You were a dumb kid.”

“The results of which would be too gruesome to describe, even to you.”

Finally there was the season 4 ‘Babylon 5’ ep ‘No Surrender, No Retreat’ in which Sheridan decides he’s running the galaxy now. Cue wooden acting, massive speeches and lots of talky scenes. Sheridan decides to retake the Proxemia 3 colony. There is no mention of his ex-wife who sided with Clarke. How did Sheridan get three women to marry him? Garibaldi continues to be tightly wound and have anger issues, no-one notices or cares. The evil doctor from ‘Scrubs’ pops up as an EarthForce captain loyal to Clarke. Sheridan is the moral arbiter of the galaxy. Promexia 3 is liberated. Garibaldi leaves B5. This was dull.
Scary Books

Book Review: Seven Seasons of Buffy

Seven Seasons of Buffy edited by Glenn Yeffeth

From the publisher who brought us essay collections on ‘Supernatural’, ‘Veronica Mars’, ‘Angel’, ‘Firefly’ and ‘Charmed’ comes this collection about ‘Buffy, The Vampire Slayer’. This is a good collection that looks at the good and bad of the show.

Is That Your Final Answer…?
An essay that suggests Xander was the greatest force for good in Sunnydale.

A Slayer Comes To Town
A look at storytelling in the show.

Skin Pale As Apple blossom
A charming look at Tara.

The Good, the Bad And The Ambivalent
How all the characters were flawed.

For The Love Of Riley
A firmly written essay that lays out why Riley was Buffy’s soulmate.

A Buffy Confession
A hardcore fan’s take on the show’s downfall.

Dating Death
Buffy, her men and passion are discussed.

The Meaning of Buffy
Various topics raised by the show are discussed.

When Did The Scoobies Become Insiders?
This essay points out that in the beginning the characters were outsiders and by the end they were running the show and were miserable and how disappointing that was.

Power Of Becoming
Willow’s abuse of magic is discussed.

Unseen Horrors & Shadowy Manipulations
The show and censorship.

Where’s The Religion In Willow’s Wicca?
Willow referred to herself as a “wicca”, this writer points out she was no such thing.

A World Without Shrimp
Alternate realities depicted on the show are discussed.

Matchmaking On The Hellmouth
Who is Buffy’s perfect match? This author has a very surprising suggestion.

Lost Season 6 Ep 4 Review

The Substitute

In the flash-sideways Locke is with Helen, is fired by the vile Randy and gets a job as a substitute teacher. He’s on good terms with his father, has chats with Rose and Hurley and his new co-worker is Ben Linus, teacher of European history. Meanwhile back on the island Richard is shaken and his cool, calm, demeanour seems permanently gone. Fake Locke is recruiting and seems to have a lackey in Sawyer.

Ben, Sun, Lapidus and Ilana bury Locke. Sawyer and Fake Locke visit a cave which is a really obvious soundstage. There are names scrawled on the roof of the cave. Names of possible replacements for Jacob, Kate isn’t one of those names. Fake Locke points out Jacob pushed people to the island. So who is good and who is bad in this scenario? Have Richard and co wasted their lives on the island? This was good.

How does Ilana know all she does? Why is sideways Hurley so happy? Who is the kid Fake Locke and Sawyer saw? Why didn’t Richard see him? Who can’t Fake Locke kill? Why is Fake Locke trapped? Where did the never before seen ladders come from? Who do Fake Locke and Richard know each other? Is Fake Locke telling the truth? Can Fake Locke and Sawyer leave?

Best Lines:
“I’m sorry I hit you in the throat and dragged you off the beach.”

“Here’s to being dead.”
“You’re taking this extremely well.”

“What were you doing alone in that house?”

“I’m very sorry I murdered him.”
“This is the weirdest damn funeral I’ve ever been to.”

“Jacob had a thing for numbers.”

“He thought he was the protector of this place.”

“Are you ready to go home?”
“Hell yes.”