September 30th, 2009

Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Undertaker's Gift + Consequences

Torchwood: The Undertaker’s Gift by Trevor Baxendale

This is an iffy book. The first half is good but the second half is brought down by a reset button ending, the fact that the climax happens off screen and the fact it seems like whole chunks of plot are missing.

Set before ‘Children of Earth’, time travelling lawyers send an assassin after Jack, Gwen runs from scary things and Ianto gets chewed on. It starts out as an okay read but falls apart half way.

Torchwood: Consequences by James Moran, Joseph Lidster, Andrew Cartmel, Sarah Pinborough and David Llewellyn

This is very good collection of short stories set at various times in Torchwood’s history. None are set post ‘Children of Earth’ for obvious reasons.

The Baby Farmers
In the very earliest days of Torchwood, the team take on an unholy experiment and Jack shows his cold streak. This is okay.

Set between seasons 1 and 2. An alien artefact gives a young boy the better life he’s always wanted. Then Torchwood takes the artefact away from him. This is dark and bleak.

The Wrong Hands
Mysterious deaths on a sink estate lead the post season 2 team to the most unlikely source of evil. This is good.

The team deals with the immediate fallout from the previous story and Ianto impersonates The Punisher. This is okay.

Time paradox, stories and bizarre goings on. This is weak.
Scary Books

Supernatural Season 4 Eps 13 – 19 Reviewed

This show has seriously gone off the rails trying to be even darker and edgier.

After School Special
A student drowns another student in a toilet at a school the brothers went to for a month in 1997. So the brothers’ investigate as flashbacks show us their school travails in 97. Teen Dean is hot and dates a smug skank but TPTB are obsessed with making Sam look better than Dean as young Sam gets an A and is lavished with praise by a teacher for writing an essay that belittles his family. In the present Sam clenches his jaw; Dean wears a ridiculous gym coach outfit all in the name of carrying on the warped legacy of their psychotic abusive bastard of a father.

Why have they never checked out the creepy shrink from ‘Being Erica’? Or looked into whom on earth revived ‘Primeval’? Ruby plays Sam some more. The brothers combat ghost possession. There is a very uneasy attitude to school bullying in this ep. Sam gets babied some more and this is all very annoying.

Best Lines:
“Got your lunch? Books? Butterfly knife?”

“This is the third school we’ve been to this year and it’s only November.”

“How’s the non-violence assembly going?”
“Apparently shoving a kid’s arm into a cusinart is not a healthy display of anger.”

Sex and Violence
Sam lies to his brother some more as they chase after a murderous siren. The siren appears to Dean as a man and makes the brothers fight each other. Sam is smug and superior and doesn’t apologise. This was annoying.

Best Line: “Dream Barbie convinced them to murder their wives.”

Death Takes A Holiday
An annoying demon (who is not Ruby) returns. Sam lies and Dean knows he lying, Sam still won’t stop lying. Pamela shows up to moan. Dean and Sam go into the spirit realm to find out who is snatching reapers.

Sam’s arrogant. Tessa the reaper from ‘In My Time of Dying’ returns. Pamela dies but not before warning Sam about his powers. He doesn’t listen. This was boring and the demon was ludicrous.

Best Lines:
“You two said you were bloggers?”
“Yes sir. Flooredbythelorddotcom.”

“We’re no different than anybody else.”
“I’m infected with demon blood. You’ve been to hell.”

“If you think you have good intentions. Think again.”

On the Head of a Pin
The Angels show up to annoy. It seems Angels are dying (as are their human hosts but nobody cares about that) and Dean is ordered to use his hell learnt skills to interrogate the demon Alastair.

Alastair annoys with his ridiculous Marlon Brando in ‘The Godfather’ accent. Sam is smug and contemptuous of Dean. John was in hell for 100 years and never broke. Anna the Angel shows up. Sam is drinking Ruby’s blood. Castiel does the Jack Bauer whisper. Dean learns he broke the first seal. Sam kills Alastair.

Why are we supposed to care about any of this? I’m sick of Castiel. Are we supposed to care that the Angel Uriel has gone bad? Why do Angels fight by punching each other? This was stupid in so many ways.

It’s a Terrible Life
Dean is a yuppie and Sam is a tech support cubical dweller in an Angel created moral lesson. Kurt Fuller (of ‘Eve of Destruction’ and ‘Elvira, Mistress of the Dark’) shows up as another Angel. Sam and Dean look orange; they need to lay off the fake tan. The Ghostfacers morons cameo. This was unfunny and Dean’s wounds that Alastair inflicted have healed pretty quickly.

Best Lines:
You might have to dig up the body, sorry.”
“It’s illegal in some states.”
“All states.”

“Angel or not, I will stab you in your face.”

The Monster At The End Of This Book
Sam and Dean learn their lives are the subject of a series of novels called ‘Supernatural’ that have a rabid online fan base who write rude fan fiction about them. The author of the books is Chuck who turns out to be a prophet of the Lord. Sam thinks Dean is dumb, again. Chuck’s a wet rag. Sam is unsympathic and rushes into a face off with Lilith. Sam’s a lost cause at this point. Castiel needs to go far, far away. Sure the new opening credits are funny but otherwise this was boring. If Archangels are such terrifying weapons of Heaven then why is good losing the war?

Best Lines:
“What’s a slash fan?”
“As in Sam/Dean. Together.”
“Together together?”
“They do know we’re brothers right?”
“Doesn’t seem to matter.”

“Is this some kind of ‘Misery’ things?”

Jump The Shark
Sam and Dean learn their father had another family. He had a girlfriend (DeDee Pfeiffer) and a son who he never told them about. In fact their home is full of cosy photos of John and he took his son Adam to a baseball game for his birthday.

Sam and Dean are not impressed with this knowledge. John abandoned his kids for weeks in seedy motels, he left them alone at Christmas and yet his lavishes attention on this other son? John looks like a bigger abusive jerkass with every new revelation about him. Sam goes full on into idiot, jealous, inhumanly clinical and cold mode. Dean broods and gorked out Adam has a secret.

It all ends badly as Dean says Sam is just like John and that isn’t a complement. This wasn’t all that interesting. But it does settle once and for all the: was John a good father question? No he was not.

Best Lines:
A hunter rolls into town, kills a monster, saves the girl. Sometimes the girl’s grateful.”

“How did he die?”
“On the job.”
“He’s a mechanic right?”
“A car fell on him.”