Thus the curtain falls and a most unsatisfactory curtain it is too. Alex makes his son's wedding all about him and his feud with Joe Samuels. Jamie acted like a moron. Frank stood in a burning cane field and his on again off again asthma did not affect him. Alex stormed off to point a gun at Joe Samuels. Then someone killed Joe, before he expired he and Alex still found time to spout low rent villain lines at each other and scream like 'Maury' guests. After 13 eps of acting like a thug, Alex is shocked when he's arrested for the Samuels murder. Ellie's reaction to this is never shown as she isn't seen. But we get lots of Alex ranting and being superior. Anyway Alex quits Duque rum and does a slow-motion waddle into the rain and he's still a murder suspect. We'll never learn who killed Joe. Was it Ellie? Frank? Didn't Joe have a son in the first ep? Show was cancelled, nothing is resolved. Utterly unsatisfactory. Maybe 'Kings' will be better viewing.
"Why the gun?"
"I had no reason to think he'd be happy to see me."
"Do you guys do all the things the media says you do?"
Best advice is to put a whole lot of gone between yourself and this show. I saw an ep of 'Two and a half Men' that was funnier than this. It was the one with Jodi Lyn O'Keeffe as a witch. Anyway flashbacks show Mr Jelly in happier times, Joy's husband has had enough, Robert gets revenge on Snow White, poor Mr Lomax doesn't get Snappy and it seems Mr Jolly was the blackmailers target not Mr Jelly. This was okay.
'Children of Earth' is airing soon, so I reminisce:
'Torchwood' season 1
Gwen Cooper comes across the mysterious organization known as Torchwood. Jack mentions the events of the 'Doctor Who' episodes: ''The Christmas Invasion' where Torchwood One shot down the retreating alien spaceship and 'Doomsday' where the Cybermen and Daleks destroyed Torchwood One. Gwen says she explained those incidents away via her boyfriend's theory that psychotropic drugs were put in the water to create mass hallucinations. This was good but the mystery of the missing Torchwood Four hasn't been addressed since.
A withdrawn child has her suppressed anger taken advantage of by fairies at the bottom of her garden. This was good and creepy with a great use of the song 'Lord of the Dance'.
The Torchwood team is at the mercy of cannibals in a village in the Brecon Beacons. The Owen/Gwen hook-up is still gross.
Greeks Bearing Gifts
Toshiko is given a pendant by a mysterious (and badly dressed) woman named Mary. The pendent enables Tosh to hear people's thoughts (everyone except Jack) and Tosh cracks up. Then Mary reveals she is an alien and she wants to get into Torchwood. This was fantastic with lots of creepy moments like Mary and Jack's creepy little chat about him being different and then Jack kills Mary, Tosh is upset, Jack just looks smug.
"What are you?"
"I don't know."
"And you would put me in a cage?"
They Keep Killing Suzie
The team investigate a serial killer and discover a link to deceased team member Suzie. This was good, but why was Gwen having friendly chats with Suzie and taking her on a road trip after Suzie tried to kill her? Also Suzie slept with Owen? Gross.
"Didn't I kill you?"
"Never mind that."
"I shot Jack right through he head. I killed him, stone dead and then he just stood up and lived."
"Something moving in the dark and it's coming Jack Harkness. It's coming for you!"
'Torchwood' Season 2
To The Last Man
Time shifts to 1918 are occurring at a hospital and Toshiko and a World War 1 soldier are the only ones who can save the day. This was very good, the 1918 team especially.
Dead Man Walking
After Jim Robinson from 'Neighbours' killed Owen, this episode sees Jack sort of raise Owen from the dead with the help of the second Risen Mitten only for the undead hoodie to become a conduit for one of Death's idiot cousins. This ep is full force camp gothic melodrama packed with emotional manipulation, weirdness and comedy. It's good. But why was Jack on the Tarot card? Why did TPTB think the vomiting scene was a good idea? If Jack found the second Risen Mitten so easily, why did they never bother looking before?
A Day In The Death
Owen has an existential crisis over being dead. This was okay But Jack is surprisingly unsympathetic to Owen considering how he felt about being treated so badly by the Doctor after his transformation in 'The Parting of The Ways'.
On her wedding day Gwen is carrying an alien baby and being pursued by the thing's murderous mother. So Torchwood have to crash the wedding which leads to hijinks! This was good and Rhys got to wield a chainsaw.
Flashbacks show how Jack, Ianto, Owen and Tosh came to join Torchwood. Jack was forcibly recruited in Victorian London. He got to be in command of Torchwood Three after his predecessor went mad and slaughtered his employees on New Years Eve 1999. Tosh was recruited after she had a bad experience courtesy of UNIT. Ianto flirted his way into a job. Owen was recruited by Jack after his fiancee died after an alien grew in her brain and killed her. This was the best episode of season 2. But why no appearance by Suzie? Even the pterodactyl's recruitment is shown. And why did Jack's boss at TW3 go crazy and kill all his employees? Why did he say the 21st century was when everything changes?
"The Torchwood Institute was created to combat the threat posed by The Doctor and other phantasmagoria."
"Dinosaurs? Had 'em for breakfast, had to. Only source of pre-killed food protein after the asteroid crashed."
The Empty Child
The sole highlight is when Jack says the 9th Doctor dresses like a U-Boat captain.
The Parting Of The Ways
Jack fights the Daleks, is killed, then resurrected and abandoned. No wonder he has issues. The 10th Doctor and Rose never bothered to think or talk of him again until 'Stolen Earth', what a pair of self-obsessed jerks.
The Sound Of Drums
Saxon = yum. The Doctor finally learns where Jack has been drawing his employment cheques and is self righteous. Why does UNIT get a flying aircraft carrier and Torchwood don't? This was good.
Last Of The Time Lords
John Simm hams it up even further. There are throw away lines like: "The radiation pits of Europe." The Master dies, or maybe he doesn't. It is hinted that Jack will become The Face Of Boe. Which is really sad.
Will miss 'Children of Earth' as I'll be away. Sigh.
Are they really doing a new 'Alien Nation' tv series?
After a long break, my reviews of 'The Inside' will soon resume.