June 25th, 2009

Scary Books

Book Review: Twilight

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

I've given in and read the 1st of Meyer's sparkly vampires books. It was okay, somewhat accurate in its depiction of teenage love but the subtext is worrying. Bella the world's clumsiest, most passive 16 year old comes to Forks and falls for the mysterious Edward Cullen. He's so dreamy and male model perfect and she's in love with him. He's also a vampire and keeps warning her that he could kill her and she's afraid of angering him or making him hurt her. But it's true love and they'll be together forever.

Bella is a typical selfish teenager, obsessing over her boyfriend to the exclusion of all else but her relationship with Edward is fraught with creepiness. Edward comes across as a 'Sleeping with the Enemy' style abuser-in-training, his behaviour and attitude to Bella is disturbing at times. Bella seems to love Edward because he's handsome overlooking the fact that he's patronizing and a danger to her. I'll read 'New Moon' and see how things go from there.
Scary Books

Tape Tales of 1998

Checked a tape from possibly 1998. My likes and dislikes vis a vis TV have changed since then. It had four tv show eps on it. Two 'Due South', one 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' and one 'Earth: Final Conflict'.

The first 'Due South' ep was a season 1 entitled 'An Invitation to Romance' and is a ferociously unfunny mess. Sugar and spice and all things nice that's what little girls are made of. Not the one in this ep. Fraser's original boss sends him to deliver a letter which causes Fraser to run into the recipient's extremely annoying fiancée. Why the consulate were inviting a mobbed up criminal to their party is unexplained. The fiancée babbles on and on and wears an ugly wedding dress There are way too many misunderstandings. Ray wears Fraser's spare mountie uniform. Fraser falls for the annoyance and sort of tells her about Victoria. This was awful, awful, awful.

The 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' ep was the second season ep 'Inca Mummy Girl' in which Buffy wore an incredibly short skirt and you realise in retrospect that Sarah Michelle Gellar wasn't that good an actress. Cordelia wears a lovely print dress. Giles is patronising. A crazy man with a big old knife runs around attacking people instead of telling them what the problem is. Xander hooks up with a mummy girl. Willow obsesses over Xander. Mummy Girl nearly feeds on Jonathan. Now Jonathan's ultimate fate was annoying, but why oh why did Buffy never invite him into the Scooby gang? Poor ignored Jonathan. Oz fancies Willow despite the fact he looks about 30 and shouldn't be still at high school. Xander nearly gets the life sucked out of him. This was Xander before he turned into a boar that the writers ignored. This had idiot plotting and bad acting, but it did have some funny lines.

Best Lines:
"It's the uber suck."

"Isn't he lunchable?"

"You just don't like him cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years."

"What's it like back home?"
"Cramped and very dead."

"Punchy fruity drinky!"

The second 'Due South' ep was the season 2 ep 'All The Queen's Horses' with guest star Leslie Nielsen. The Mountie Musical Ride board a train which has been commandeered by crazy militia types. The plot similarity to 'Under Siege 2' may or may not be intentional. Ray has a huge mobile phone. Fraser leads a sing song of a song whose lyrics make no real sense (what does "run like stink" even mean?). Nielsen is the butt of fart jokes and talks to Fraser through a train toilet. Thatcher is utterly useless in this ep and keeps getting taken hostage and has no agency whatsoever. Fraser repeatedly has to save her. Ray jumps onto the train with Dief. The screen saver gag was hilarious, the train top kiss annoys and the unconscious mounties wake up and keep on singing from exactly where they left off in a hilarious moment. The musical ride thwart the militia leader (at least until he returned to menace Ray and Fraser anew a few eps later). This was okish.

The 'Earth: Final Conflict' ep is a season 1 ep called 'Law & Order'. A Taleon has murdered a human and is tried in a human court and defended by Sandoval and Boone. This despite the fact that Boone points out: "You never practised law. I only have a degree in criminal justice." The prosecutor is Joshua Doors, son of anti-Taleon resistance leader Jonathan Doors. Joshua is cute and broods over his dad. This was before Joshua reunited with his dad, then later betrayed him and much later on was revealed to have been brainwashed by the Taleons all along. The fact it took Doors Snr so long to figure out why his son had undergone such a drastic personality change showed how creatively bankrupt the writers were by then. Anyway back to this ep, Sandoval and Boone have their pissing contests. Lili and Joshua drool over each other. A loony with a Taleon fixation tries to kill Joshua, this causes Doors to weep when he fears his son could be dead, now that was an effective moment. In the twist ending it is revealed that the Taleons wanted a guilty verdict to continue their manipulation of Earth. This ep wasn't very good at all outside of Doors Snr and Jnr. A trial isn't a trial without Jack McCoy in full spittle spraying self righteous ranting mode where he glares at the jury daring them to convict or he'll cut them with a broken bottle.
Scary Books

Numb3rs Season 3 Ep 12&13 Reviews

Nine Wives
The tiresome Charlie and Amita pairing go on a roundtrip. The show has apparently forgotten the Don and Amita anvils they were dropping back in season 1. Thankfully the wretched Larry/ISS rubbish isn't mentioned once in this ep, as if he could pass a psych test. Anyway Charlie and Amita have to cut their trip short as Don needs their help to find a crazed malignant narcissist polygamy cult leader. Because the FBI can't function without Charlie holding their hands and explaining that water is wet apparently. Dr Finch returns to annoy. The cult leader quest ends in a fiery hellpit of death. This was good.

Finders Keepers
Don and co hunt for a sunken racing yacht. Liz shows up, Dr Finch annoys, Charlie keeps stuff from Don, another agency crashes the party and it turns out the yacht's skipper didn't drown at sea. Charlie gets to tell everyone how to do their jobs (again) and protests that: "All the koi lived!" This was goodish.
Scary Books

Harper's Island Ep 3 Review


Nobody's playing catch-the-creep yet as despite five people being murdered, nobody's noticed anything odd going on. What is this, an 80's slasher movie? Madison's a brat and she's not the only one. The wedding party is uniformly made up of ghastly people. Hunter's a sleaze. Evil dad aka Thomas is unaware his trophy wife is still carrying on with her ex. Trophy wife and her ex are freaky. Cal and Chloe get revenge on a jerk. Shane runs JD over and menaces him. This is apparently regular behaviour for Shane as he was abusive to dead Kelly. Henry acts more freakily. The Sheriff killed John Wakefield back in the day. And in the crowning moment of awesome, Hunter is shotgunned to death via a booby trapped motor boat engine. This was okay. Hunter getting his was a great moment and the mystery of what went on in college with Hunter/Trish/Henry isn't yet clear but it's suitably murky. Henry is creeping me out a bit.
Main Suspect: Henry.