May 25th, 2009

Scary Books

Movie Review: John Tucker Must Die (2006)

John Tucker Must Die (2006)

Watching this one does wonder: whatever happened to Jesse Metcalfe's career?

John Tucker (Metcalfe) is the adonis and king of his school, he dates multiple girls at once and is "capable of inciting an all girl smackdown". Anyway three of John's discarded exes decide to team up to get revenge on him with the help of new girl Kate. As the harpies run around making John the face of an STD ad and replacing his roids with oestrogen pills, Kate falls for John's brother.

Jesse Metcalfe was hot, but this was dull and not very funny. It was no 'Mean Girls' or 'Heathers'.
Scary Books

Primeval Season 3 Ep 9 Review

Helen shows up, nobody's bothered to look for her since she killed Cutter. Becker does nothing but strikes poses. Helen kidnaps Christine Johnson, as security is still terrible. Danny's dumb. Helen escapes, yet again and has Christine eaten by monsters. This was dull.

Best Lines:
"Peaceful? Are you sure about that?"
"As sure as anyone can be on the basis of a fossilized tooth."

"I've see the future and it's all your fault."
Scary Books

The Tudors Season 3 Ep 5 Review

Henry grieves over Jane promising at her grave side that one day: "We shall sleep together for eternity." Which is what ended up happening as he was buried beside her. Will, Henry's Fool, tries to distract the King from his grief. Cromwell plots and suggests a 4th marriage. Mary wears a huge cross. Suffolk's bimbo wife moans. Various people skulk in shadows. Henry lays out the laws of church. This was dull.

Best Lines:
"You find the perfect wife...you let her die."

"Poor abandoned Katherine and that other one whose name escapes me as her head escaped her."
Scary Books

Terminator The Sarah Connor Chronicles 2x21 Review

Adam Raised a Cain

Sarah looks at where Kyle Reece is buried. Savannah is menaced by a Terminator. Derek is killed off. Sarah's aggressive and rude, Cameron's murderous and John's a thug. Why are we supposed to care about any of these jerks? Savannah and John Henry have a time filling sing a long. Sarah's hauled off by the cops. This was dull and populated by unsympathic protagonists.
Scary Books

Why are the latest batch of 'Star Trek' books so bad?

The 'Star Trek' novels are now continuity heavy and heavily interlinked, newbies have no chance of knowing what is going on. They're for longtime fans. I usually enjoy them but the latest batch have been seriously deficient. And after viewing the revamped movie that is all humour, action and fun, these humourless books populated by dour, unlikeable people look even worse. (However the 'Star Trek' novelisation and the 'Star Trek Countdown' graphic novel were seriously bad)

The novels that are guilty of being bad and unenjoyable are:
Star Trek Titan: Over a Torrent Sea
Star Trek New Frontier: Treason
Star Trek Mirror Universe: Shards and Shadows
Star Trek Vanguard: Open Secrets


All of the above are guilty of being populated by dislikeable, self-important characters with dull plotting and way too obvious writer agendas. Why in 'Over A Torrent Sea' are we supposed to find credible that a slutty character finds self-actualisation by wiping Riker's ass? Why in 'Treason' are we supposed to care about Robin Lefler's latest act of hysteria and endless boo-hooing? Or Selar's latest sociopathic deed? And in 'Open Secrets' are we really supposed to take Reyes' self-righteous pissy fit seriously and does the writer really expect the reader to accept his agenda of prompting Pennington as the moral arbiter of Vanguard? Then there's 'Shards and Shadows' which runs the MU concept into the ground. Earlier MU novels were enjoyable but this one was oversexed tortureporn populated by morons, fools and imbeciles.
Scary Books

Happy Funtimes with trailer goodness

Supernatural Season 4 'Lucifer Rising' clip
Dean guts Ruby, son why didn't you do that two seasons earlier? And Sam? You're dumb.

'Tormented' trailer
Vile kids bully a boy to death and then he rises from his grave for revenge. This looks glossy and superficial and the kids look like jerks.

'True Blood' opening credits
The credits on this show are nearly 2 minutes long, that's practically unknown these days. Anyway nice song, but the credits are nasty looking. This show is about vampires! Not that you'd know that from the credits.

'Sons of Anarchy' promo
This looks dark and enjoyable, I'd watch it.

Lady GaGa 'Lovegame' music video
Nice song, but where is the BoysBoysBoys music video?

'Phoo Action' trailer
No wonder this was cancelled before it got to series, it looks so lame.

'The Seeker: The Dark is Rising' trailer
This bears almost no resemblance to the book. Still Ian McShane and Christopher Eccleston (and his bad wig) are in it. I might, repeat might, be tempted to watch it for them alone.

'Being Human' trailer
This was hilarious. Why wasn't this trailer and the original pilot included on the DVD? They're amongst us!

Saturday Morning Watchmen
Words cannot adequate describe just how hilarious this was. If this was on the 'Watchmen' DVD, it would be perfect.
Scary Books

Book Review: Mr Toppit

Mr Toppit by Charles Elton
And out of the Darkwood Mr Toppit comes, and he comes not for you, or for me, but for all of us."

Arthur Hayman is the legendary deceased author of the phenomenally popular 'Hayseed Chronicles'. The five books that make up the famous children's book series became a worldwide publishing success after his death. What intrigues readers the most is the books villain: the mysterious, powerful and threatening Mr Toppit. The child protagonist of the novels is Luke Hayseed, based on Arthur’s own son. Luke Hayman has seen his life taken over by this alter ego

Like Luke, Arthur's wife Martha and her other child Rachel have found the book's fame to be a burden. The influence of the books reaches further than just the family, everyone involved in the success of the books is troubled by secrets in some way.

“Thatcher turns Toppit!”

Just what is Mr Toppit and what does he represent? This is a story about secrets and the moral that few things as menacing as withheld information. This was a good tale of how once upon a time five books broke a family.
Scary Books

Fringe Season 1 Ep 20 Review

There's More Than One Of Everything

Thankfully this show has been renewed because so much story potential was opened up by this ep. Nina Sharp and her bad wig are alive, thanks to the fact she has kevlar in her ribcage. No, seriously. Jones wanders around looking conspicuous with bandages and pus all over his face. Jones and his cohorts try several times to open a doorway to the other world, in public places without anyone wondering what they're doing. Walter reveals he and Bell first learnt of the other world by doing copious amounts of LSD.

In what has been hinted at all season, Walter basically admits he started the whole cross multiple universe war by going into the other world and stealing something: "I could take from there what I had lost here." He does admit that the consequences of that theft were to allow: "Things from there to pass over here, which could be dangerous." So he built a device to shut doorways between the universes. He doesn't tell Peter what he stole. But later it's finally confirmed that what he stole is Peter. Walter's real son died of his illness years ago. That's why Peter doesn't remember being sick, he wasn't. A grief stricken Walter stole Peter from the other world and his real family. Peter isn't of our world, he is of the other world. So that means Walter is a child snatching criminal. So what about Peter's real parents? The Peter being stolen revelation has so much plot potential, what'll be the reaction when it finally comes out?

Anyway Jones dies. Walter sobs over his real son's grave. Which makes one wonder that if real Peter has a grave then his mother had to have known he died and that her husband had stolen them a new child. The investigation into William Bell is ordered to be shut down. But then Olivia travels to the other world and meets Bell (Leonard Nimoy) in his shiny office in the shiny tower of the WTC.

This was good, the final scene was amazing. But why is the other New York so glossy and shiny whilst the other Boston looked bleak and dystopian? Why is Bell living in the other world? Will Peter ever learn what Walter did? Where is the other Walter, why hasn't he tried to retrieve his son? I LOVE this show.