August 15th, 2008

Scary Books

Witchblade Review Part 2

Sara and Jake investigate murders which were carried out by a pack of
murderous clones (no really). Part of the undercover mission involves Sara
at a bar  dressed as a man. Meanwhile in her investigation of the Witchblade, Sara
talks to Dominique who is literally rotting away in jail. Then she meets an
artefacts dealer named Gabriel (who is played by James Hensley who was also
the sociopath son on 'Nip/Tuck') This was good.


Someone is sacrificing young women to the ancient Celtic goddess Cathain,
who wielded the Witchblade and who looks just like Sara. Gabriel helps Sara
out and points her in the direction of alt-rock balladeer Conchobar. Now
Conchobar sings really rather good ballads in a pub and with one look he and
Sara are soulmates. Sara stops the nutjob but someone mysterious kills him.
It wearing the Witchblade gives Sara the ability to read Old Irish. Another
good episode except for the fact that the Cathain flashbacks show
Stonehenge, which is English.


Best Line: "If satan is alive and well in New York City, who the hell is he
using as a taxi?"

A murder suspect may be possessed. Sara learns that after Joan of Arc was
burned, the Witchblade was locked in the Vatican for 500 years. She also
learns that Elizabeth Bronte was an American spy in Germany during WWII.
Irons is somehow involved in all of this. Sara has a wire-fu fight with a
satan possessed Roger Daltrey. An okay episode.


Sara's boss Dante is bad. Crap-o-bar is kidnapped and Irons refuses to help
and gloats. Nottingham acts against Irons. Crap-o-bar dies. Awful, awful


Every wearer of the Witchblade must undergo a test to prove her worth. Sara
undergoes hers and meets Joan of Arc, Cathain and Elizabeth Bronte in some
black & white hallucinations. She passes her test and when she wakes up, the
Witchblade has grown into her skin. Meanwhile it is revealed that Irons
killed Bronte and that Nottingham can see Danny. Meanwhile Jake is invited
to join a secret society. This was good.


Gabriel's best friend is murdered by Nottingham. While being questioned
Nottingham alludes that he and Sara are flesh and blood and that Jake is
not what he seems. Meanwhile Jake accepts Dante's offer to join the secret
society. Good.


Sarah discovers the White Bulls secret society murdered her father. Which
retcons events shown in the pilot. Sara's former boss is killed and she goes
on the run. It is revealed that Dante works for Irons. An okay ep.


Irons is in fact 96 and has been using the preserved body of Elizabeth
Bronte to maintain his youth. The White Bulls abduct Gabriel and beat the
hell out of him. Jake saves him and reveals he is an undercover FBI agent
sent to bring down the White Bulls. An okay ep, Jake is shown naked for some
oestrogen brigade bait.


The one where everyone dies.

Sara is still on the run from the White Bulls, Gabriel's healed pretty
quickly from his beating and Dante is still after them. Dante kills
Nottingham. But thanks to Irons genetic programme, a new Ian shows up with a
shave and a haircut and a murderous streak. Gabriel talks to Danny. Jake and the FBI take down the
White Bulls and after Dante is shot he reveals Irons ordered Sara's father
killed. Jake, Gabriel and Sara head to Irons' house. Nottingham 2.0
strangles Jake. Irons reveals Sara is Bronte's grand-daughter and that the
Nottingham's were grown out of Bronte's cells. After Nottingham 2.0 snaps
Gabriel's neck, Sara and he have a fight. Sara kills him and then watches
Irons die. However after learning she can rewind time in a one time only
power usage, she does. To minutes before Danny's death. This was good.


The show has cool new opening credits. Sara has irrevocably pierced the veil
of time and causality. Danny's alive, Jake isn't her partner and she hasn't
met Gabriel. She doesn't remember the old timeline and has to learn to use
the Witchblade all over again. Irons, the least villainous villain since
Zack Addy on 'Bones', plots to retake the Witchblade with the help of yet
another member of his army of skanks. Dull, the previous ep was a hard act
to follow.