epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Battlestar Galactica 1x09&1x10 + Riverdale 5x10 Reviewed 👎👎👎

Gun On Ice Planet Zero

Roy Thinnes and Britt Ekland slum it in this ep. Baltar is back despite last been seen under a pile of falling bricks and left behind on a dead world. There is bad acting and a watch from the 1970s. Convicts can't be trusted. The Cylon's BFG blows up various ships of the rag tag fugitive fleet. End damnit!

Best Lines:

“The Galactica is the hunted.”

“Last colonial battlestar.”

The Magnificent Warriors

An agro-ship needs seed. Why does the rag tag fugitive fleet keep running across human outposts? Why do they keep flying off and leave human outposts to the mercy of the Cylons? Adama deals with a mouthy woman. Where did Adama get flowers? Why is Apollo caked in fake tan? Some old hag woman vamps like an aged Joan Crawford at Adama. It is icky to watch. There is ill mannered behaviour and the hag is not looked upon as the best of people. Boxey comes along on the mission, again. FFS. Monsters attack. This was crap and full of pointlessly cruel morons.

Best Line:

“Lady types.”

Chapter Eighty-Six The Pincushion Man

An explosive event triggers chaos across Riverdale. This was not reasonably logical just mostly ridiculous world class tedium. Jughead gets a kiss. Betty bitches at her FBI man and could some of the bodies be from Betty's dad? This was not something profound. Reggie makes protestations of loyalty to Hiram.

Kevin's an ass. Veronica acts like a jerk to Chad and is not as smart as she thinks she is. Who is Minerva? Cheryl wears a cooter exposing coat. Cheryl's grandmother babbles about a curse. This was not meticuously crafted or incisively observational. Reggie and Hiram and are simultaneoulsy vulgar and pretentious. Betty cheated on FBI guy with Archie and she lacks the grateful repsonse gene.

Hiram wants Cheryl's groves. There are acrimonious disputes and combative discussions. Archie is to get a medal. Jughead has writers block. Toni's unseen and on bedrest. Veronica's jewellery shop is open. Chad knows about Veronica shagging Archie. There is moral righteousness and Reggie's gross.

Hiram and Reggie are nefarious. Jughead does maple mushrooms and there are escalations of problems and no resolution at the end. Polly's twins are violent nutjobs. Why do Veronica and Cheryl dress and act like slutty teenagers? Jughead makes bad choices. Betty's FBI guy wrote a dissertation on the Cooper family serial killer gene.

There is a legal confrontation. This was not substantive. Who is Archie's uncle? There is no dramatic point of tension. This was resoundingly dumb. Why is Veronica so hostile to Chad? She choose him! This is a detriment. Jughead trips and this ep has no rich seams. Jughead looks fat and greasy. This was medicore at best. There are errors of judgment. Veronica disregards Chad and they are persistently divided. There is a prison break. There is oversimplification. Reggie burns Cheryl's goves in a spate of bad VFX.

This was arbitary. Hiram is the perpetual bogeyman. There is no outcry over the prison break. There is no Covid. Charles and Chic break out of jail. Since when was Charles in jail? There are predetermined jugments and this was unsound. Hiram is incredibly offensive and egotistical. There is a bad fight scene. This was superficial and there are divisions and no common purpose.

Viewers are weary and frustrated at these insular idiots. There is no integrity. Archie waves a machete. Hiram Lodge had his own private prison? Alice is a minister of the universal life church? Inmates attack like zombies in this lacklustre ep. The Coopers are bedevilled. The twins are 9? This will invariably end badly. This was not eerily strange. There are extraordinary cirumstances and death and Jughead gets shirtless.

Deeply traumatic things happen as part of Hiram's malicious plot. One genuinely couldn't give a hoot. Tabitha barely has anything to do. Jughead is dead eyed and doomed. The mothmen come for Jughead and Cheryl's mother breaks out of jail. There is frustration and dismay. The Blossoms causally chat about human sacrifice and seem to be devil worshipping witches because of course they are. Minerva legs it. Chad's terrible and won't divorce his wife. Chad is problematic. Veronica is not supportive or warm.

Archie is brave and defiant. Archie harbours a fugitive. Was Jughead abducted? Veronica stays in NY. This was not brilliantly astute. Things are dark and miserbale. Nobody lives authentically. There is blood and a mention of Derry. Betty goes vigilante. There are fatal consequences to brutality. This was frankly bonkers and there is weary accpetance of all this. People are negatively affected by the farcical events that infuriate viewers.

Best Lines:

“No Jugheads allowed.”

“One of many?”

“More toxic than nuclear waste.”

“Our maple trees have always provided.”

“You aren't meant to be happy. The curse won't allow it.”

“Bring about Riverdale's ruination.”

“Screw you Stephen King.”

“Terrible break up.”

“By ingesting magic fungi?”

“Buy a solider's loyalty with a medal.”

“Disrespect the sacrifice.”

“Something's brewing.”

“No time to give chase.”

“Totally devoid of meaning.”

“Declared legally senile half a decade ago.”

“Getting paid to trash the town.”

“Open, hostile territory.”

“We're lost causes.”

“Gone in the dark.”

“Don't be such a Betty.”

“Nightmare child.”

“Pray for wind to divert the fire.”

“Won't reopen for weeks if ever.”

“So helpfully reminded me.”

“Sacrifice the interloper.”

Tags: battlestar galactica/caprica, riverdale, scary 1970s tv

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