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Movie Reviews: King Rocker + Anna And The Apocalypse

King Rocker (2021)

This is a bizarre documentary about an obscure (and tuneless) singer and an unloved statue of King Kong. This is about Robert Lloyd of The Nightingales. Who? His mum ran off with a milkman and his father didn't care and he ended up homeless and involved in music. People mock Genesis and look at standing stones. We see the city of Birmingham, UK.


The documentary maker praises Robert Lloyd's talents. Robert Lloyd looks like Terry Duckworth from 'Coronation Street'. Various hangers on are interviewed and music lore is discussed. There is swearing and bizarre vintage footage. Robert Lloyd is 60 now. This was mundane. A group called Fuzzbox feature. We see a shag of the week page from NME magazine. This was beyond parody but it is real.


Best Lines:

“Rock poets.”


“Outside the system.”


“History of rejecting its culture.”


“Commerical and critical indifference.”


“Pretend they liked us all along.”


“Footy holigan gesture.”


“Soap dodger.”


“Where's subtlety in the dictionary? Between sh*t and syphillis.”


“Southern death cult.”


“All fall out afterwards.”


“Mutant killer sloth.”


“Nobody's interested in me.”


“Felt unloved.”


“Great but overlooked talents.”


“Bo Didley's underpants.”


“Sincere desire.”


“Completely useless.”


“No fixed abode person.”


First song is called: I've Got VD.”


“Weird kids.”


“Kind of a bunch of oafs.”


“17 year old scumbag.”


“Not without its charms.”


“The misfits misfits.”


“Kicked out for being annoying.”


“Unsure false history.”


“Music lore.”


“Joined in with the system.”


“Everyone loved us apart from people who bought records.”


“Working class post war bohemians who've been legislated out of existence by successive Tory governements.”


~
Anna And The Apocalypse (2017)

Zombies. Small town Scotland. Christmas. Musical numbers. All feature in this Orion Pictures release. This was terrible. People ignore talk on the radio of the CDC and a pandemic. They are morons with a distressing ignorance. This was drearily unsatisfying. Anna wants to go on a sex trip and skip uni as she is a dumb bitch. There is no credible threat. This was improbable.


Anna is a bitch who can't act. This was not exhilarating. This was cynical and ill-fated. A person who advises hand-sanitisor use is made a joke. This leaves you disappointed. The narrative is simplistic. There is no volatility and this film has massive limitations.


There are rapping penguins in the school's xmas show. This was contrived and uncomfortably weird. Disavow this fully. Anna kills a zombie with a see-saw. There is uncertainty and this is a total 'Shaun Of The Dead' knockoff. Paul Kaye who plays the useless headmaster does Mark Gatiss style line readings. This was not fraught. There is talk of mass infection and this is the worst.


People take selfies with zombies. Things get intractable. This was not an astonishing achievement. There is confusion and frustration. There is posturing and there are tremendous societal impacts. This was deeply cynical and vociferously terrible. This was full of despicable people who act like yobs. There is no social decency. There is blood and no doomy foreshadowing.


There are no creative sensibilities. This was not satisfactorily chilling. Grisly events happen and weren't TPTB mortified when they were filming this? There is no thoughtful insight. Nobody is socially conscious or solution focused. This does not met your expectations. There is no slow realisation of horrors. There is no absolute duty. TPTB made a deliberate decision to make this.


There is an acute crisis. There are no shocking events. Anna is selfish and self absorbed. People are morons. This was insufficient. This was nauseating and fundamentally flawed and incapable of being effective.


Best Lines:

“I can't wait to get away from you!”


“Withdraw your tongues!”


“Like Narnia threw up over us.”


“That's not his job!”

“It will be soon.”


“Least favourite c word.”


“The government will sort all this out.”


“Unfolding global crisis.”


“Justin Bieber's a zombie!”


“Thaink about your words.”


“You acted like it meant somehting.”


“You've been looting! Lovely!”

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