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Emerald City 1x02-1x05+Traces (2021) 1x01&1x02+A Teacher 1x03&1x04+Tiny Pretty Things 1x07 Reviewed

Prison Of The Abject

NBC and TPTB fought over the direction of this show leading to its cancellation: no great loss. What are they and Toto eating whilst walking the Yellow Brick Road? Lucas and DG pant over each other. The Wizard has outlawed magic. Who makes the witches fancy outfits? What are Cardinal witches? Eamonn, one of the Wizard's lackeys, stares. He and his ilk wear silly armour – who makes it?


There is exposition and Lucas' accent seems to have changed from 1x01. Laucas keels over and the title card is unappealing. There's a witch tongue? Isabel Lucas and Fiona Shaw guest star. Tip lurks. The Oz books were mental. Who's Jack? What happened to Mother South? Tip doesn't think to escape by climbing out the window.


What is with Lucas' sword? Fiona Shaw waves a glass pipette – who made them? Who made the candles? DG is a nurse. Was Lucas in the Wizard's Guard? Lucas is accused of having perpetrated unthinkable horrors. Did he? Where are the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion? The Wizard is a lunatic with a silly voice and a toupee and a need for Weight Watchers.


Why is Tip's note written in English? This was fascinatingly terrible. The Wizard is a morally ambivalent fascist. A witch's funeral involves dance and chanting. There is more dull suprise acting. Where did Jack come from? This was dull. Fiona Shaw goes full tilt OTT. What about the sword? The screen is so murky. This was underlit. 'Lexx' made more sense than this. Lucas kills someone. Lions are mentioned. Does Lucas have nefarious impulses? This ep was deranged with epic portentousness.


Lucas kept the sword and walks around covered in blood trying to do knock knock jokes. Tip changes. This was woefully incompetent. There is conspicuous pretension and this was ephemeral.


Best Lines:

“Time raveges.”


“Spend the goodwill of your friends freely.”


“Where I crawl is none of our problem.”


“Cesspool of witches.”


“You belong to me now.”


“A non-witch whose potions raise the dead and a non-Wizard's Guard who carries their sword.”


“Doors haven't been unsealed for a generation.”


“A place on no map.”


“Did your mother protect you? Don't you wish she had?”


“You put an end to all that didn't you?”


Mistress-New-Mistress

Lucas is shirtless and there is a beach. Oz's weather is out of control due to East being killed by DG. Tip is Ozma. DG is a bitch. The people of Oz can't say portents. The witch West is more interesting than DG. Everyone in Oz is hostile. There is sexism and death. People talk of blood crimes. The Wizard's real name is Frank Morgan. There is so much talking. Why are the witches taking orders from the Wizard? The Wizard lies. DG learns her mother has secret. Tip murders Jack! The acting is sub par 'Hollyoaks'.


Best Line:

“The Beast Forever will come.”


Science And Magic

I'm sick of Tip and her tantrums. Jack is the Tin Man. The acting is so bad. Glinda lurks. Tip screams and tantrums. Lucas and DG make out. Gina McKee features. This was not interesting strange. Eamonn is laughably silly. Ev shouts. This is crap.


Best Lines:

“No one deserves that fate.”


“You had no right to help me!”


“Nun or whore?”


“I ain't taking no bath!”


Everybody Lies

West meances DG. How did West capture DG? Eamonn and Lucas hang out. Lucas' real name is Roan. People are mean and stupid. West whines. The Wizard plots. Where is Toto during all this? Tip is a miserable little bitch who won't help DG. As for DG's mom, she suddenly shows up. Or does she? This was terrible. DG catches the Wizard listening to Pink Floyd. @@


Best Lines:

“I am not easily loved.”

"You're the worst human being I've ever met."


“Are you the dumb one?”


~
1x01

This makes 'Profiler' look realistic. Emma is a lab tech and pathology student. There is a fire and mumbling and technobabble and this was all preposterousness and this was so self-conciously intellectual. There is such grim portentousness pumped up with self importance. Emma studies forsenic chemistry online. It is a fictional case. Or is it? Emma thinks it is about her mother.


Emma has cold hostility and a cultural inclination to being rude. Her accent is not Scottish. There is much focus on a sabotaged toaster. People are far less pleasant. Crisps are a fire hazard. This was grinding and not a great accomplishment. There is no reason, just malignant people and one is incredulous at how bad this was.


Best Lines:

“Only so many places you can bury a body in Dundee.”


“She was dug up. Never got anyone for it.”


“Wasn't a rational reaction.”


1x02

Who took the photo of Emma's parents in bed? Emma whines. People have secrets. People are so awful. Emma's in trouble. Yawn.


Best Lines:

“You're awful!”


“Police guy.”


~
A Teacher 1x03&1x04

I missed 1x05&1x06 due to issues. There is no laudable cultural values, this was just inadequate. The teacher, Claire, has indiferent contempt for Matt: her husband. Eric has sincere convictions. It'll all come to a devastating climax. This does not unfold with a steady, deliberate, unshowy brilliance. This was an unhappy experience.


This causes the profoundest indifference. Eric's bitch mother bitches. There is inertia and shagging. One is uncomprehending at how reckless Claire is being. There is grooming and coercion that Eric can't see. There are uncouth students and no relentless dynamism. Claire's insolent and this was dull. This was drab. Claire makes rules and breaks them in this absurd show.


Best Lines:

“I love older women.”


“Are you doing drugs?”


“You're a bad bitch!”


“We're in a storage closet.”


“No thank you.”


“Half the night crying in the bathroom.”


“Not all these papers are horrible.”


~
Catch & Release

The male students get physicals and Ramon yells fatso at them. Oren and Bette and Ramon are egotistical purveyors of conceit. This was absolutely trivial and Shane's hookup wants more. This has vast pretensions. Does Nabil ever go to class? Nabil gets an offer. There is no stealth brilliance. June's thick. Where are Cassie's family?


There is bad acting and Bette's awful. The cop harasses people. Bette has satisfaction at herself. Cassie has sepis induced seizures. Bette's pregnant? This was folly. Why is there shirtlessness? This looks grim and there are societal expectations and deeply ingrained norms. There is no growing disquiet. Trust is squandered and Oren is called fat. There are precarious paths and this was very disappointing. There is ongoing debate and disagreement.


Best Lines:

“Body will never forget it.”


“Come by later for my spanking.”


“Dance a masterpiece.”


“One way or another, we all pay.”


“Yeah. But no.”


“Keep you in pink tights.”


“Shown the world what ballet can be.”


“People walk away from promises all the time.”

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