All Doll'd Up
Barry and Iris are awful people. The doomed Nora whines. Ragdoll debuts. The Wells with the French accent annoys no end. There are meta handcuffs? This show is unwatchable. Snow looks for her father. Barry and Iris are terrible parents.
~
Things To Do In Seattle When You're Dead
This got a 3rd season? Macy has sex dreams about Harry. Discord rumbles. People think the sisters died in a house fire. How is there power and wifi in the house? There is displeasure. Harry can't orb. Mel and Maggie whine.
There is no tremendous uncertainty. The enormity of the fallout isn't shown. Their dad is dead. There is evident chagrin and dark obsession. There is no ominious charm. There is mumbling and it is a tumultuous time. Various types are aggrieved. Did the father have a heart attack when he learnt his daughters died in a fire? Fake eyelases are worn. The sisters are discontented.
The sisters are quick to take offence. There is intrigue and deception. Macy has aggravation and is aggrieved. They're disillusioned. One is averse to this. Is the Harry lookalike a demon? A demon can be defeated with a shovel? There is a demonic anti-witch alliance. People talk about their useless dad. There is ire and nefarious deeds and this was shambolic.
There are damnable ways and more nefarious deeds. Who is the demonic overlord? There are unpleasant circumstances and misfortune. The sisters are idiots and demons have ideas above their station.
Best Lines:
“No powers, no money, no Book Of Shadows.”
“Dead girls don't text!”
“Orb has been wonky.”
“I am not B team!”
“A ghost in our lives.”
“If you see me, you musn't trust me.”
“Clever but not clever enough.”
“Alienated every single person he met.”
“You walk alone.”
“Demonic charlatan.”
“The charmed ones burnt to death. A fate they deserved!”
Careful What You Witch For
The witches incite trouble. Abigael shows up. The sisters are horrified that one of them has to get a job. Jordan gets a lot of screen time. How can Maggie get a job with no social security number? Harry and Mel try to translate the elder's book. Macy does something dumb. Maggie is just dumb. There is making out and screaming. This wasn't good. Maggie and Mel learn lessons. There is no rule about personal gain in this reboot. The sisters think they killed the demon overlord. Abigael is evil, like duh.
Best Lines:
“Ditzy dimestore wiccan.”
“Put a portal in a closet.”
“I can't heal worms Mel!”
“The torment of a human soul.”
“Cruel dilemas.”
“It appears as though we've missed something.”
“Dead magic.”
“Sick pleasure from torturing us, even from the grave.”
“Unite the 4 demon families.”
Deconstructing Harry
Macy and Mel listen to Abigael despite her, you know, swinging a big old knife at their heads and being the Overlord. The Assassin is looked for. Is it John Barrowman? Maggie obsesses over Jordan. Harry learns something. Abigael is slutty and bitchy and evil. Jordan boxes and is Maggie's love interest. Abigael is Parker's sister? The sisters get new powers and Abigeal who is a smug murderer is allowed to prance around and be the Spike of the show. Harry learns where whitelighters and darklighters come from. Abigael claims her father called her an abomination and cast her out. How did her father have 1 demon son (Hunter), one half human half demon son (Parker) and one demon/witch daughter? Why is the darklighter Harry Assassin hunting supernatural creatures and keeping them? Macy is taken.
Best Lines:
“Created at great cost.”
“Set us up. Again.”
“Stuff it potion princess.”
“Shove it demon spawn.”
~
7 Swans A Singin'
An insidiously addictive christmas song spreads though not necessarily in a good way. Music is a matter of urgency. Catholic school girls wear tiny skirts. Why does the grandmother dress like a bar ho? Granny causes considerable problems. She tells one daughter to beat up a bully.
David has boring angst. Kristen's useless husband lurks and he hates parenting. The song is online and Ben blames abestos. Why do her 4 daughters share 1 tiny bedroom with 2 bunkbeds in the HUGE house? Bar slut granny crap pulls and mocks one daughter.
There are evil morals and people are insolent, vicious and of inordinate avarice. Ben blames pesticides. This was not plausible. There is self harm and screeching. Granny is a bitch. Remember how granny screwed Leland in a burning bed? Why does Leland have someone in a sack? This was unlikely. An influencer follows Leland's demonic advice.
This was unappealing and I've no idea what is going on. It is a tumultuous time. Granny is ominious and malicious. There is a masked message and this was a sorry affair. There is dismay and indignity and Leland plays the influencer. There is dismay and Leland is a wicked schemer. People act viciously and the vlogger has aspirations and David's attacked.
Best Lines:
“That I do not get.”
“The simplest treatment is distraction: I have them gum.”
“Stuck song syndrome.”
“Exposure response prevention.”
“A possession we need to discuss.”
“Thing called the internet mom.”
“A meme, it'll be gone in a week.”
“Laughter epidemic.”
“What stops it?”
“Nothing.”
“Dancing plague in 1518.”
“Science is weird.”
“This is going to ruin you.”
Some people like to do bad things.”
“You take a brick and you hit her in the face.”
~
A Small Town
A widower (Damon Wayans Jr) in a dying small town uncovers a model town that gives him god like powers. This was not wild and weird or full of devious twists. There is no emotional nunace. This was not deeply relatable or wonderfully original. An evil mayor (David Krumholtz of 'Numb3rs' – who has got fat and old) and a sassy single mother (Natalie Martinez of 'The Crossing') and Keegan Connor Tracy of 'Jake 2.0' feature.
The evil mayor has an ignored suggestion box. The mayor is vile and needs to be destroyed. One can't get over how badly Krumholtz has aged. The widower uses the model to fix the town. People are ungrateful jerks and the mayor is evil. This was bad with dubious charms.
Best Lines:
“That junk predates me.”
“Never actually elected, ever.”
“Broken things can be mended.”
“What change our actions will bring into the world.”
~
Split Loyalties
Lucas has time-stained clothes and dark artifacts of the past. Ros and Harry mumble. There is withering suburban judgment. Lucas has a miasma of depression. Lucas tries to fight in where he never can. Insidious types lurk.
How was Lucas married? How is she remarried? Old phones are yelled down. Lucas has a secret – he's a double agent for the Russians. Malcolm and Lucas know each other. Harry called Lucas the best. Lucas mutters that he is MI5, oddly TPTB would ignore that to ruin his character in a later series. Why is Ros such a bitch?
Lucas is haunted and sad and MI5 are a bunch of paranoids. Lucas has determination and resilence and his ex wife is a bitch traitor. This was ineffective. There are evil deeds and why is Lucas' MI5 flat such a mess? Why does Ros search Lucas' flat? MI5 watch Lucas as they suspected the whole double agent thing. Why are Lucas and his wife talking in English? 7X01 showed Lucas is fluent in Russian. How did Ros get an tasered Lucas back to MI5? Harry tells Lucas to talk his way out of the double agent reveal and Lucas does. There is no debrief for Lucas and he's back in MI5. The ex lives in Lucas' house and this was mundane and there are looks of disappointment.
Best Lines:
“Displacement activity.”
“God save me from any more victories like this one.”
“Lucas is damaged goods.”
“Already at a 30 year low.”
“Revenge is an expression of pain. Pain is weakness.”
“Play the victim.”
“Spent years interrogating me.”
“Even she couldn't enter our coastal waters entirely undetected.”
“Need hard proof of its existence and it's purpose.”
“Did you tell me what you were?”
“What we have left is this.”
“Strict prison discipline.”
“Developed a particular animus for you.”
“Any movement of note?”
“This life. This happiness. It will all be gone.”
“Silly old you.”
“I'm MI5.”
“Which one of you am I loyal to?”
The Tip-Off
Lucas is warned of possible attacks. Harry denies murdering someone. Which he did. Lucas has flashbacks to being asked questions he could never answer. Harry talks to his mentor. Lucas attacks a toilet. An attack is a go. People babble about SugarHorse. Everyone is a mole. A bomb goes off. Jo is sad. Lucas gets sprayed with blood. This was not good.
Best Lines:
“Byword for incompetence.”
“Very bad and dark place.”
“I don't expect gratitude.”
~
Harlots 3x06
Margaret's selfish and the fat girl's baby is a toddler and a prince wears more makeup than a ho. The midget walks the streets and Nancy killed the wrong pimp. Margaret is trash and creates wreckage and hurts everyone. Where did the preacher, her daughter and the justice and his maid go? Emily's dumb trash. Lydia is vile and Lucy is sick of her mother, who sold her, twice. Kate wears a fancy hat and Margaret leaves, again. This was unwatchable.
Best Lines:
“Build an empire of taverns.”
“Live and be forgotten.”
“Became what those men made me.”
“Rumping for coin.”
“How many dead girls said that about a man?”
“Awaits my company.”
~
The Crown 4x08
48:1
Claire Foy makes a cameo in a flashback to 1947. Cape Town is 6000 miles from the UK. There is talk of the Commonwealth and South Africa. We see young Margaret Roberts at Oxford. Some rando wanders in 1985. Thatcher won't sanction South Africa, her son has business there. There is exposition and Thatcher opposes the Commonwealth. Andrew gets married to Fergie. Charles wants to slim down the monarchy.
Fergie gets no real screentime. The royal yacht is seen. Thatcher obstructs. There are no unimagined glories or cultural renaissance. There is no adulation. This was lame. Andrew rages and is called a fringe member of the family. The rando is fired. In 1994 South Africa changed and the rando, Michael Shea, wrote political thrillers.
Best Lines:
“Terrible and glorious years.”
“Family of nations.”
“The liberty of the world.”
“Devoted service.”
“Great imperial family.”
“God help me to make good my vow.”
“What the palace was hoping to achieve by this is hard to say.”
“Did he really just say that on my wedding day?”
“Personal affection.”
“Never once expressed a point of view.”
“Displeasure was actually real.”
“Made a godawful mess of it.”
“Morally offensive.”
“Precious bloodline.”
“Insecure jealous fool.”
“Fought in a real war, won real medals.”
“Their wasteland.”
“Unreliable tribal leaders in eccentric costumes.”
“Values of the past.”
“Very grubby of me.”
“People I'm proud to serve.”
“Cordiality.”
“Unbreakable code of silence.”
“I am the one from a small street in an irrelevant town.”
~
TNG 6x21
Frame Of Mind
Riker orates. He has the charisma of oatmeal. Susanna Thompson is in this! Riker wakes up in a bedlam house. There is way too much of Jonathan Frakes emoting badly in this. This was bad.
~
FBI: Most Wanted 1x11
Ironbound
A man kills people and yells about a conspiracy. He's right. This was mediocre.
Best Line:
"House blew up 2 years ago!"