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Movie Reviews: Enola Holmes +Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory+Visions+McQueen

Enola Holmes (2020)

This is based on a series of kids books about Sherlock and Mycroft Holmes' little sister who outwits them. Henry Cavill plays the great detective and there are no penny farthings. Enola rides a bike and don't get me started on the stupid Sherlock sister plot in 'Sherlock'.

The brothers left home and never visited or wrote and don't care about Enola. Where is Watson? Enola and her mother didn't have servants in their huge house apart from a cook? Enola is 16 and does direct addresses to camera. The mother goes missing. Mycroft and Sherlock show up and walk by Enola uncaring. They ignore her. Mycroft isn't fat and there is no carriage. Mycroft whines. The house is covered in ivy and the gardens are overgrown.

Mycroft and Sherlock insult their mother and do not look for her. Mycroft says it is his house and plans to send Enola to a finishing school run by Fiona Shaw. Enola gets a slap for not being dressed right or properly educated. Mycroft was cruel to his mother and Enola can't tolerate his world and is reprimanded.

Sherlock poses and acts like he is medicated. Mycroft is bitterly opposed to Enola and is vigorously awful to her and has acrimony. She's karate-adept and why was the mother always doing silly puzzles and clues? Enola finds a fistful of money and legs it.

There is pretty countryside and Enola falls in with a posh boy who fears attempted murder by a burk who was on 'Torchwood'. There is bad green screen and Mycroft is bitter as he's not as smart as Sherlock and Enola. Sherlock is told off for ditching his sister. Enola ends up in the great smoke which is fog and smoke free. The posh boy is a Viscount with a boy band haircut.

Enola ends up in a ratty lodging house and visits a tea room and a martial arts studio. People seem fine with Enola being abandoned in Victorian London. If Sherlock hasn't met John Watson yet than how is he famous? Their mother is a suffragette. Didn't Sherlock loathe the countryside? The posh boy has vile relatives and Lestrade shows up to rant. There is obvious ADR.

What is a new thinker? There are lots of ciphers and attempted murder and Enola winks at the camera. Mycroft (Sam Calafin) screams and sends Enola to that boarding school of horrors. Why are the students there dressed like puritans. Enola steals a car and what is the car running on? Where does she live after running away from the school and what is she living on? What about the Holmes estate? There is a sheep and the mother (Helena Bonham Carter) shows up to make lame excuses. The sky is too clear in London and it all fits together and this was good.

Best Lines:

“We were always together.”

“Not an ordinary mother.”

“She did not return.”

“She's left me too.”

“No passions or ambitions I was aware off.”

“Took no responsibility.”

“Make her acceptable for society.”

“I don't need friends.”

“Have educated out of you.”

“Would you have cared for my letters?”

“My life as it was!”

“By implication: affection.”

“Our future is up to us.”

“The game is afoot.”

“You think you look normal?”

“Endangered by this.”

“Knows nothing of the world.”

“You're supposed to say thank you!”

“For what?”

“Not entirely an idiot.”

“Hate every second of the rest of my life.”

“Obnoxious sort.”

“You never cared about her before.”

“Don't want anyone knowing her business.”

“England is going to pot.”

“Most devious.”

“Noisy bloody women.”

“Why are you dressed like a powder puff?”

“Useless boy. But I rid myself of him.”

“Fight combat.”

“Widows scare them. No better disguise than fear.”

“Make you leave.”

“Over-thought my outfit.”

“You walk away anyway.”

“Extremely banned bookshelves.”

“Fatally boring.”

“No wife. No friends. Just a strange occupation.”

“Ignorant and woefully so.”

“I'll murder you myself.”

“People don't seem to want us.”

“Coming to mean something in this country.”

“Speak as we tell you to.”

“Threatened me with a teapot.”

“This is what my mother made me for!”

“Facts don't distract from hope.”

“I left for you.”

“Couldn't bear to have this world be your future.”

Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory (2011)

They get out. Dull.

Visions (2015)

Isla Fisher, Jim Parsons, Anson Mount, Joanna Cassidy, Eva Longoria and John de Lanice slum it in this Blumhouse dreck. A couple move to a vineyard. Fisher has a helium voice and wears tiny shorts. This was ineffectual. She killed someone's baby in a car wreck. This comes back on her. She makes a friend who is nothing of the sort. There are weird events and no poverty pit for them. People have a disturbing tendency to elevate grievances.

Tthere is an ideological clevage point and an illusion of explanatory depth. I've no idea what is going on or why. Fisher looks suitably gloomy. She's emplifying concerns and things are made devastatingly clear. This was daft and inadequate and terrible and pretty disastrous and ghastly. The twist was obvious. It is a threatening, hostile time and there was a manipulation of loneliness and isolation.

There were tensions and antagonistic women. As well as frightening and hostile women. This went into precipitous decline. There was animosity and one abhorres this. There is a vicious attack and this was not compelling.

Best Lines:

“These wine people.”

“What if they're cooking crystal meth right next door?”

“Mommy sense.”

“Ruins behind the house.”

“That's right! It was me!!”

McQueen (2018)

This was a documentary about the designer. It showed his rise to fame and ill treatment of his alleged friend Isabella Blow. He was a whiny jerk and then he died. The end. This was dull and he deliberately manipulated others.

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