Dawn’s dead. Jason is arrested, again. Tara loves Jason because of something that happened when they were kids. Bill and Sookie go to the vampire bar Fangtasia where ‘Don’t Fear The Reaper' plays. Sookie’s sarcastic pronunciation of Fangtasia is the highlight of the ep. Jason chugs V and lives to regret it as he ends up in a painful scrape. Sookie is a snot. Eric (Alexander Skarsgard of Lady Gaga’s ‘Paparazzi’ music video) shows up to glower. This was dull. The vampires are over fetishised and there are clumsy attempts to make Sam look like the killer.
“I’m too damn pretty to go to prison.”
“Sure is too bad about Dawn. I already miss the way her butt used to hang out of the bottom of her shorts.”
Sparks Fly Out
Sookie freaks out at Bill. I can’t help feeling that Stephen Moyer’s vampire role in ‘Ultraviolet’ was better done. Jason being a moron, takes V again. There are sea sponges more eloquent and smart than Jason. Sam asks Sookie out. Tara blocks her thoughts from Sookie. Bill gives a speech on his civil war memories. I want to see ‘Daybreakers’. This show has no charm or charisma. This show needs a Jason Dohring. There are flashbacks to the civil war that show how Bill became a vampire. Jason tries really hard to be big, hard and manly and ruins any chance he ever had with Tara. Sookie tries to get to know Sam. Lafayette takes on some rednecks. Sam freaks out at Sookie. So she stomps home to a terrible sight. This was okay.
“You will go to hell for this.”
“All right, same to you. Bye now.”
Sam and Bill have a staredown. Jason is a turd. Sookie struggles through the wake and burial. There is a mention of Hadley. Jason beats on Sookie and Andy. Bill runs around in cheesy vampire speech SFX. Uncle Bartlett shows up and Sookie freaks out at the funeral. Tara’s mother thinks she is possessed. This show is like ‘American Gothic’ on crank. Sookie cries, nibbles at a pie and runs around in her nightie in the dark with a serial killer on the loose. Sookie is all Cathy for her Heathcliff and gets it on with Bill. This was okay.
“Thought you were staying with Lafayette.”
“I was. Do you know he has a webcam in his bathroom?”
Burning House of Love
Sookie tells Bill that Uncle Bartlett molested her. And she had to know what he would do. She knows he killed the trailer trash couple. Bill gets ominous as he and Sookie share a bath and then he shows her his resting place. Then he kills the molester uncle. Tara’s mother goes berserk in a bank. Bill and Sookie’s tryst becomes public knowledge. Jason goes to Fangtasia where he meets fellow V junkie Amy. Miss Jeanette exorcises Tara’s mother via possum death. Bill’s trashy vampire buddies show up. Sookie is a snot. Human vigilantes strike. This was okay, I liked the fact a cop had a phone with a ‘Hawaii 5-0' ringtone.
“Suppose she gets pregnant. How in the world can she nurse a baby with fangs?”
“Go on in and good luck getting out.”
“I’m sure you were trash while you were alive and now you’re just dead trash.”
The Fourth Man In The Fire
Tara’s mother is acting normally and throwing out all her devil juice. Sookie yells at people. Bill crawls out of the graveyard all naked and dirt covered and has sex with Sookie there and then. Gross and unhygienic. I’m finding it hard to like these people, they are all jerks. Eric takes a bath in Bill’s tub. Neither of them do anything for me. Amy and Jason kidnap one of Lafayette’s clients to drain for V. Amy is a drainer and now Jason is too. Sam is being investigated. Sookie is in peril yet again. This was okay.
“She got a demon in her.”
“My granddaughter had a demon in her. They everywhere.”
Bill stakes Longshadow and it goes all ‘Carrie’ as blood flies. Eric shows a personality for the first time. Tara considers getting an exorcism and ruins things with Sam. Amy (Lizzy Caplan of ‘Cloverfield’ and ‘Mean Girls’) gets more psycho, Jason is in denial. Then they trip on V. Bill has a Wii. Sookie complains. Jason bonds with Eddie. Sookie sees a lot more to Sam. This was dull.
Am I meant to be swooning over Bill and his existential angst and his Rhett Butler accent? Frank Langella of 1979’s ‘Dracula’ was more overtly sexual than Bill. As for Sookie, her sartorial style is somewhere between trailer trash and hooker. Why does this show have so many heaving bosoms? Plus I just don’t like Sookie.
“Any woman with a purse that big’s bound to have something in it I don’t wanna know about.”
“There’s vampire in your cleavage.”
“I once found that woman on the ground eating her own vomit; because she didn’t want to waste the alcohol she lost bringing it all up.”
I Don’t Wanna Know
Sookie needs to shut up and stop being hateful. Sam is a shapeshifter with bad childhood memories. Tara is exorcised and then it is revealed that Miss Jeanette is a fraud. Tara freaks out and ruins everything she touches. Amy stakes Eddie. Werewolves are mentioned. The killer becomes obvious. Sookie is in peril again. Bill faces off with the vampire Magister (Zeljko Ivanek of ‘Damages’ and ‘Heroes’) who is a wannbe hardcase. Bill comes off the worse and has to turn a girl named Jessica into a vampire. This was dull.
“Werewolves exist too? What else is there?”
“More than you can imagine.”
“Faith’s a powerful thing.”
“I am the Magister. I was trained in the Inquisition.”
To Love is to Bury
Bill and Jessica have to be buried for the transformation to work? It wasn’t like that with Bill. Then a few scenes later Bill is out of the grave with no soil on him at all. All the men folk want Sookie despite the fact she is dislikeable and self righteous. Jason and Amy have it out. Then they do V and then Amy is murdered. Jason is arrested yet again and he thinks he did it.
Tara acts out and gets disowned. Tara meets Maryann (Michelle Forbes of ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ and ‘Prison Break’) Lafayette wears a suit. Jessica reanimates and she’s glad to be a vampire. She’s also dumb so Bill dumps her on Eric. Bill attacks Sam. This was dull.
“This is the worst confession I ever heard in my life.”
“I can’t listen to politicians no more, I get a seizure.”
“I shared my essence with you when we slept together in the ground.”
“No more belts. No more clarinets. No more home school. No more rules. Yee haa! I’m a vampire! Whoooooooooooo!”
“Stop fighting you stupid men!”
“People said ‘no not Jason Stackhouse, he’s too dumb’ but I knew. I said ‘that shifty bastard’s a goddam psychopath’.”
You’ll Be The Death Of Me
Maryann offers Tara help, it is clear that behind Maryann’s benevolence is malevolence. The Fellowship of the Sun church reaches out to Jason and he embraces it. The crazy killer is revealed. Bill goes into the sunlight to help Sookie but is useless. Sookie hides from the serial killer in an open grave. Sookie kills the killer with a shovel. In the aftermath Maryann knows what Sam is, one character’s fate is unclear and Bill and Sookie hook up. Two new romances are foreshadowed. Eric dumps Jessica back on Bill. Andy, Sookie and Tara find another body and scream like they’re in ‘Scream’.
This was very good. I didn’t really enjoy season 1 but this ep made me decide to give season 2 a chance.
“Nobody ever listens to me. But they should.”
“Don’t think about it. Blood, blood, blood.”
“One time Lafayette went to Marthasville for the night. He ended up go-go dancing in Palm Beach for like eight months.”