Crisis On Infinite Earths: Hour Four
Nobody talks like an actual person. Where are the toilets in the vanishing point? They must reek! Katie Cassidy, Jon Cryer and Tyler Hoechlin guest star. The crisis is an injustice of unbearable propotions. There are bleak conditions. It's been months? Nobody has grown a beard. There is no appalling urgency. What did the women do for tampons? Oliver talks to the Spectre. Oliver is followed by disaster wherever he goes. This was deeply corrosive and the urn is caling.
There are no moral answers. Oliver is the new Spectre. He mumbles. There are no tensions inherent in this ep. Shouldn't their costumes reek? Oliver does furious whispering. This ep causes extreme displeasure. This isn't even sweetly earnest. TPTB big up Oliver, we're supposed to forget all the murders he committed in season 1.
The Flash from the DCEU (Ezra Miller) shows up and is a moron. They head toward an unfathomable future. It takes ages for Kara and Lex to mention Lena. There is no fear driven urgency. Oliver tries to be intimidating. People talk about their feelings and this was farcical. We get clips of past eps for no clear reason.
There is no critical thinking. Nobody is purpose driven or preparing for the reckoning. There is no intoxicating sense of possibility. There is no utter inconsolable grief about the destruction of the multiverse. Laurel bores. People are reckless irresponsible idiots. This crossover has showed off the worst attributes of this franchise.
I've NO idea what is going on or why. A stupid selfish burk is selfish. Aliens speaky English. Lex has powers now? Some Thanos knockoff lurks. Oliver wears a cloak. People fire beams out of their hands at each other. FFS. Oliver dies again. So? This wasn't even passingly relevant. This was unsatisfactory and susprisngly boring. Tantalising details were revealed, then ignored for episodes at a time.
“Traning for a fight that will never come.”
“There is no there out there anymore.”
“The apocalypse itself given life and form and terrible purpose.”
“You betrayed Lena. Left her with nothing but a ruined name and a broken heart.”
“A lot of bad stuff happening.”
“Pulled a Luthor on us.”
“Change history to his advantage.”
“Up, up and away.”
“Didn't want to burden you with the choice I made.”
“A little nappy time.”
“Ruined a perfectly good bad guy plan.”
“Some things are inescapable.”
The timeline in this series makes no sense. We are threatened with a 3rd series. Oh hell no. I had no expectations of this and they were met. Fiona's husband was a thick, useless, violent, drunk abuser. Oddly no one noticed or cared. She was long suffering. Real vitriol is spewed. Jim ruins his family some more.
There is brutal hostility, generational damage and dire predictions. There are heightened tensions and angry tones of accusation. All complacency is destroyed. Paul aka the thicko hubby deserved to be treated with distain. Jim gets away with his latest murder. There are disgraceful actions all round. Paul was dastardly. The family was riven with tensions.
Paul robustly defends his belligerence. Fiona made a very public display of her unhappiness. Paul didn't win favour and behaved in a way designed to humilate his wife. Fiona's rage against Paul had become deadly. Fiona visits a 'graveyard' that only appears to have the 1 grave.
Paul hated his wife and children. Fiona murdered him. She does not get away with it. How did the dying Fiona move his body? There is wild overacting. Seriously Jim has got away with murdering his wife and some random chav. Seriously?!? Jim takes Fiona's children to her galpal. I guess he'll just ditch them there and take off to find someone else to murder in series 3.
“You always promise.”
“She made dad angry.”
“Little bloody liars!”
Crisis On Infinite Earths: Hour Five
Reality is rebuilt and Lex wins the Noble Peace Prize. Jon Cryer and Cress Williams guest star. Lex Luthor is a hero now not a reviled psychopathic lunatic. Luthorcorp runs the DEO. Kara whines. Nobody remembers the crisis but those special types. Various Earths are moulded together to create Earth Prime.
People obsess over Oliver. Nash is blamed. People babble about crap. This sucks pretty hard. Oliver messed up, again. People battle the boring bad guy while yelling stupid lines. Stop bigging up Oliver! This has really bad vfx. We see the new Earth 2 with Stargirl and Earth 12 with Green Lantern and other destroyed worlds including Earth 96 with Routh's Superman are back.
There is sap and bigging up of Oliver. They do an eternal flame for Oliver, oh I'm about to vomit. Flash creates the Justice League. When did he have that table and those monogramed chairs made?!? Oh come on! (2021 update: Swamp Thing had a cameo, his show was better than 'Crisis', yeah I said it).
“This is the result.”
“An evil Batman?”
“Reboot the universe.”
Minute Of Silence
Carlos lurks. Someone died. There is hostile action and some irritating burk with amnesia lurks. Alec's hair is full of product. A thief steals via parkour. Alec sulks. This was not unique or fascinating or absorbing or deeply strange. Alec is sued. An invisible cloak is waved. This was dull. Kiera gets smacked around. How is the sanitised bit changed in the citizenship extraction? Alec violates a corpse.
“Back alley business.”
Revolutions Per Minute
There are no well thought out logical decisions. Alec is scum. A daughter is undercover. Liber8 whine. Kiera annoys the piss out of me. The medocrity of it all. Carlos lies to Kiera. Alec is disgusting and Kiera is done with Alec who lies. There is bad bad acting.
3 Minutes To Midnight
Why are we supposed to care about new guy? New guy killed a version of Kiera. Alec caused a friend to crack up. Alec needs to die. Carlos is a moron. Liber8 are tools and learn all their crap was for nothing. This was shockingly miserable. Kiera learns future man killed her. Future man is from an alternate future where Liber8 ruined the future. Boring.
“Change this dark future I'm supposed to create.”
“Lifeless crater, dogs tearing at corpses.”
A Romulan admiral named Jarok defects. There is a twist. James Sloyan and Andreas Katsulas guest stars. Is this the HD version? Picard and Riker and Worf are jerks. There is overacting and Worf sneers. The senior officers do everything. Actings are shown off. This was goodish. There is a nice musical score in this ep. Picard has hope for peace with Romulus. The 2009 movie put an end to that. Poor Jarok defected for no pupose whatsoever.
“I intend to display its broken hull in the centre of the Romulan capital as a symbol of our victory.”
Rob Morrow stars as a tv reporter who airs a shocking story. This is obviously based on the Rolling Stone case. A student claims stuff. Wouldn't there be medical evidence of her claims? Frat boys are vile. The case falls apart. People trying to help do the most damage. This was okay with a downer ending.