Kate Kane went ice swimming in training. Kate, her twin sister Beth and mother were in an accident caused by the Joker years ago. Only Kate lived. Batman is seen at a distance and only briefly. Kate comes to Gotham. Batman vanished 3 years ago. Why? How? What became of Robin? Crows security is a private security team in Gotham. Ruby Rose, Rachel Skarsten ('Birds Of Prey' and 'Reign') and Dougray Scott star.
There is exposition and the bat signal. Baddie Alice (Skarsten) shows up. Gotham tastes despair and Kate (Rose) has a stepmother and stepsister she isn't too fond of. Her dad (Scott) ignores her. Could Batman not cope with his responsbilities? Did he run off with Catwoman or Talia? Kate is illserved by her family. Her stepsister Mary lurks. Kate has an ex named Sophie. Kate wants to join the Crows which Jacob runs. Kate expresses her displeasure at Jacob.
It is obvious that Alice is Beth. Neither Jacob nor Kate recognise her. This was pretty good and pretty good is just fine. There is mumbling and Jacob treats Kate as an imposture. Who runs Wayne Tech? The Wayne Tech building is vacant. Luke Fox who is annoying lurks. Where is Alfred? Where is the batmobile?
Flashbacks reveal how Sophie was a liar who betrayed and abandoned Kate. As for Kate? She still cares for Sophie. Was Kate expelled from military school on DADT? Kate faced up to a distressing and desolate and uncomfortable truth. Jacob treats Sophie better than Kate. Sophie is abducted and who cares? Sophie is trash.
Kate wants to rescue the imperilled Sophie. Alice dresses like a hipster junkie. Kate's treated as an inconvenience. A secret clinic is run. Kate finds the batcave. It's under Wayne tech not stately Wayne manor. What became of stately Wayne manor? Bats flap around. The Joker is mentioned again. I wish Luke would go away.
The really ugly batsuit is seen. Sophie is useless. Kate poses. Jacob is the worst father. Sophie is a THOT and married to a guy named Tyler. Sophie has no shame. There is a headline: we batlieve. Kate realises Alice is Beth. What happened to Beth that made her evil? A reporter named Vesper Fairchild (Rachel Maddow) is heard.
“Covered the damn hole!”
“The people that the Dark Knight left behind.”
“You don't want me.”
“You have guys?”
“Trying to convince him to love you.”
“Dump you at Arkham myself.”
“Usually dies in some spectacular fashion.”
“But they don't want you.”
Crisis On Infinite Earths: Hour One
The multiverse is in peril. Earth 89 (the Keaton/Kilmer/Clooney Batmanverse), Earth 9 (the 'Titans' verse), Earth X and Earth 66 (the 'Batman' 1966 tv show verse) are wiped out. Burt Ward the 1966 Robin gets a one line cameo. Ward is fat and his Dick Grayson is still a bad dresser.
Supergirl shows off her streetwalker lipstick and Vegas showgirl style new costume. It's so fugly! There is bad VFX and Brainy annoys. Erica Durance and Tyler Hoechlin guest star. Argo city is wiped out. Clark and Lois have a baby. I abhor this show's foolery. Clark is determindely idle. There is social bedlam and no mounting tensions. Clark and Lois send baby Jonathan into space. No comment.
This is all done so seriously, so gravely. Argo blows up. This was lousy, lousy. Oliver is witless and a catastrophic crisis has no obvious detrimental effects. Oliver ignores that William exists, again. The boring Lyla lurks. The Flash babbles. Lyla is Harbinger and I should care why? Batwoman shows up. The Legends lurk.
Alex the useless twit needs to shut up. Lois and Clark live. Boo. Batwoman's wig is very nicely styled. Mia babbles. Earth 2 was wiped from existence. There is babble about quantum towers and mumbling and Lyla dresses like a flight attendant. Star City 2046 is a parallel earth. Arrow whispers and Sara Lance's face is so shiny and botoxed. Brainy is annoying.
Alex plan an evacuation of the planet and people treat it like a trip to the shops. Alex has to ask Lena for help and Alex doesn't trust Lena. Get off my tv Alex! Oliver gives Mia a green arrow suit not his gay son. Where was the suit kept prior to the reveal? Stored up Oliver's backside? Alex bothers Lena. Where is Max Lord?
The depth of Lena's humilation is hard to describe. Oliver has a hobo beard. Earth 16 = Star City 2046 world. Oliver 16 is different. Sara doesn't mention the dead Laurel and says Oliver is a good man on every earth. NO HE ISN'T: Earth X!!!!There is talk of shadow demons and earth being evacuated should be a civilizational epoch. Oliver dies as sappy music plays. This was BS. Pariah shows up. Who comes up with these names?!?
“HOLY CRIMSON SKIES OF DEATH!”
“What exactly is this?”
“No more anything.”
“The armada of ships.”
“Sentenced to bear witness to his actions.
Crisis On Infinite Earths: Hour Three
I haven't seen 'Hour Two' and won't until E4 air it in may. Earth 203 (the 'Birds Of Prey' tv show verse) is wiped out as Huntress (Ashley Scott and her terrible cosmetic surgery) wails to Oracle (Dina Meyer). People babble about paragons. WTF? There's another Superman played by Brandon Routh. Is he playing his 'Superman Returns' character?
Jon Cryer, Matt Ryan of 'Constantine', Tyler Hoechlin, Cress Williams of 'Black Lightning' and John Wesley Shipp guest star. People babble and Diggle screams. Oliver is resurrected, sorta. Lyla's missing. WHO CARES? There are no profound implications just quipping, nagging objections, no incentivisation to care and people overact with unrestrained abanon and Cisco is made Vibe again.
Iris bores and the levels of damage done is meet with indifference. What people went through should still impact their daily existence. Who is Nash? Pariah whispers. This was idiotic and offensively predictable and it causes little excitment.
The Flash (of the 1990 tv show) shows up. Lex hangs out with Kara and Kate. Wasn't he dead? Now he knows who Kate is. This is a painful nadir. A book is read. On Earth 666 we meet Lucifer (Tom Ellis) from the show of the same name that I've never watched. This is all aggravating and faded excitment.
This was all missed opportunities and the seriousness of the position they are in is shrugged off. Oliver never bothered to tell anyone that Earth 2 was destroyed taking Harry and Jesse Quick with it. Lois is selfish. Black Lighning shows up and dies. This was sap. We get a clip of the 1990 'The Flash' as John Wesley Shipp's character dies. What became of his Tina McGee (Amanda Pays)? Spectre shows up, played by a different actor. People go to the vanishing point and Lex rewrites destiny. Why is everyone so shouty shouty?
“Serve your higher purpose.”
“All very biblical John.”
“Annoyed by me.”
“End the age of heroes.”
There is incoherence and violence. Most of the action takes place in the future and features future Alec and Liber8 babbling and some hippy weirdoes. We see how Liber8 recruits. This was boring with no good personal choices.
“Put the crossbow down.”