epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Blockers + Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun + My Friend Dahmer 🐔🐔🐔🐔🐔🐔

Blockers (2018)

John Cena and Leslie Mann v teenagers who want to get it on in this comedy. It's prom night and various teens plan on doing it. Cena and his stone face chews on a thong. There are attempted voices of reason. Miles Robbins is in this.

Parents see their 3 daughters as villainously irresponsible. One daughters gets into UCLA and one daughter is a fan of 'Xena Warrior Princess' and 'Snow White And The Huntress' to signal where her interests lie. The 3 parents have ideological zeal to stop their daughters doing it.

The 3 parents believe that teen goings on are capable of doing serious damage. But will it inevitably have negative consequences? Or is it a freely chosen activity? This was okay and doesn't fail utterly. The parents can't be urbane and sophisticated. One dad has grotesque misrule and is wholly unprepared psychologically. This was flimsy as the hyped up parents freak out.

Cena (a pro wrestler turned actor) has a face like petrified wood. This doesn't really contribute much. There is no serious thought out consideration of anything. A smother inflicts serious harm. The teens reinforce suspicion. A limo driver is creepy and logic and reason are soundly ignored. This seems intended to be funny.

Parents freak out over emojis and an ex caused unexamined trauma. There is no dignity. This wasn't even that interesting and was not structurally daring. There is creaky narrative machinery. This was a bit deadeningly suffocatingly dull. Cena is stone faced and intimidates and frightens and wears unfortunate shorts. There are resolute disputes and puke and beer. This was not necessary as people acted relentlessly stupid.

Best Lines:

“Dirty stripper underwear!”

“All candles get me horny.”

“They're not for looking at. They're for using. Like plungers.”

“You never stay friends with people from high school. The oldest friend I have is Jan from work and I've known her for 3 months.”

“Sad and reflective.”

“Bedrock of deep, meaningful friendships.”

“Tell you not to do this stuff.”

“Give me a call.”

“I've been calling you.”

“I saw this in the romantic comedy 'American Beauty'.”

“Life ruining decision.”

“Ass beer.”

“Graduation's for losers!”

“I refuse to believe she couldn't do better than that loser!”

“Crackers that she steals from restaurants.”

“Look at the drool coming out of that smiley face!”

“You look like a youth minister.”

“Breath through it and accept it.”

“What would Vin Diesel do?”

“Butt chug.”

“You're not Schwarzenegger!!!”

“Weirdoes whose parents dragged them out of prom.”

“Don't you want to see him breakdance and probably hurt himself?”


“We got to all of the marches!”

“I don't need any more dead girls on my conscience!”

“Took like 6 years to graduate.”

“I remember him. He got to miss school when his kid was born.”

Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969)

Roy Thinnes stars. There is a doppelganger of Earth on the far side of the sun. There is wife beating and the doppelganger Earth is exactly like Earth. The wife beating astronaut doesn't know which world he is on. This had potential but was dull.

My Friend Dahmer (2017)

The 70s childhood of the serial killer. Every adult who could have taken Dahmer off his dark path didn't. This was very terrible.

Best Line:

“We eat our mistakes.”

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