epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Uncut Gems + Earth Girls Are Easy 💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎

Uncut Gems (2020)

Adam Sandler makes his first decent movie since 'The Wedding Singer'. This indie film stars Sandler as a gambling addicted diamond dealer who takes evident delight in his sleaze. We see Sandler's colon and his diamond covered furby. Idina Menzel plays his wife. There is slapping and violence and a smuggled opal.

It is 2012. Eric Bogosian plays Sandler's brother in law. There is synth music, fat gangsters, yelling and Sandler owes money to bad people. There is appropriate rationalisation and Sandler is soul destroyingly dumb. There is a Kobe mention.

There are bad social habits, no frank assessments and imminent betrayal. Sandler casts defiance and smuggles an opal in a fish. There is an unavoidable and overwhelming sense of doom and no lofty rhetoric. This was compelling. There is a black opal and mismanaged business and no rational debate. A former NBA star plays himself.

Sandler can't engage creatively with others, things are doomily familiar and this is a narrative of ruined elegance and a life overlived. This is an unconvincing representation of a life. This was weirdly thrown together – there is no plausibility or coherence. Sandler is disordered. There is off key pandemonium. There are conniving people. This was bluntly effective.

This crackles with menace. Sandler is cantankerous. There is resentment, bickering, violence and shenanigans. This was increasingly demented and intriguingly murky. Sandler is unnerving. This was edgy if not wholly convincing. There is accumulating tension and sickeing inevitability. This was epic absurdity.

Sandler has blithe unawareness. There are many defining incidents. His wife and mistress yell. There are more fraught relationships. Sandler has inherent sneeriness and futile dreams. People glance ruefully, there is dangerous tension, there are serious implications and fractious raised voices. There are interuptions and fundamentally dishonest people. There is an actionable conspiracy, deceit, malicious falsehood and ongoing threat and intimidation.

There is no sustainable solution, his wife is rejected and there is an increase in threats and personal hostility and an escalation of the crisis. This was good.

Best Lines:

“Your parents happy for you?”

“Going to be major, even though he's from Canada.”

“I can't deal with your problems every other day.”

“Fell off a truck.”

“Watch the yelling.”

“F**k all you losers!”

“Tell her no, I'm not here.”

Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)

Aliens crash in a bimbo's swimming pool. Geena Davis features. Jeff Goldlum still looks like himself while covered in blue fur. Damon Wayans and Jim Carrey co star as the other 2 aliens. The aliens learn English from tv and Julie Brown shaves their fur off. This flopped. Goldblum plays piano. This is silly and not very good. Charles Rocket plays Davis' cheating ex. There are songs and this is so 80s.

Best Lines:

“What about your wife?”

“She's in a coma!”

“You weasel dick!”

“Inner beauty is for losers!”

Tags: movie review

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