epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Movie Reviews: Satanic Panic + The Wrecking Crew

Satanic Panic (2019)

Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell star in this Fangoria produced mess. A thick as mince pizza delivery girl stumbles across a gang of mumbling 1%er satanists. She has highly damaging stupidity.. This was frivolous. The 1% don't tip which kicks this whole plot off. This disastrous failure utterly fails. The 'heroine' is a unlikeable twit who causes all-consuming hostility.

She breaks into a 1%ers home when they don't tip and faces the risky consequences. The homeowners and all their mates are satanists. The 'heroine' is stupid and a virgin. Romijn plays a relentlessly determined satanist.

The pizza delivery girl ignores an immediate and a very serious risk. Her thickness has an adverse effect on the viewer, her rotten acting does not help. The pizza delivery girl has no serious or grave concerns. This does not leave you deeply uneasy. There no especially sinister turns and this was not relevant or necessary. The satanists are raving lunatics. This was pathetic and full of OTT acting and mannered line delivery.

There is no expectant glee or bemused awe. The 1%ers are fully prepared to sacrifice their own children. The pizza delivery girl broke into the house of people as to whose character she could have no reliable information. This was preposterous. There is boring savage degeneracy and barbaric escalation. The phrase Knight Templar isn't pronouned properly.

There is Hollywood darkness. And who put make up on the sacrifices and put slutty outfits on them? And where did the make up and outfits go later on? There is more bad acting and sense is rigorously excluded. The full horror of the pizza delivery girl's predicament is never clear. There are random shifts from scene to scene. The ending is stupid. This tests your tolerance for frustration. A poor bunny. This is not satisfactorily resolved. This was neither scary nor funny. This was a desperate bid to capture the 80s nostalgia market.

Best Lines:

“Bitch whore wife.”

“Your job is not to think.”

“You go to public school and eat government cheese!”

“You think we have choices.”

“Just attacked by a sheet?”

“Death to the weak! Wealth to the strong!”

“Remorseless intent.”

“Poisonous knowledge.”

“Vile gate.”

The Wrecking Crew (1969)

An overtanned old seedy looking Dean Martin and the doomed Sharon Tate star in this naff spy spoof.

Tags: movie review

Comments for this post were disabled by the author