epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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White Collar 6x01-6x03 + Gold Digger 1x05 + Click & Collect Reviewed 🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄

Borrowed Time

In this final season; Neal's missing and nobody cares. Peter is an arse and pours unrelenting abuse on Neal. There is no exquisite sincerity or immense feeling. Peter dodges culpability and has no integrity and doesn't look back over his life choices. This was not emotionally wrenching. Peter treats Neal as a social threat.

There is no narrative point to seasons 5 & 6. Peter still has apologised for badmouthing Neal. Peter manipulated and abused Neal for his own gratification. Rebecca was MI6. People are always making Neal do stuff against his will and organising confrontations. Peter has limited appreciation for Neal. This was a fiasco.

Rebecca bores. Peter's actions are unsupportable by any rational argument. Neal blathers about the Pink Panthers; a clique of top thieves never mentioned before. Watching this show means the near certainty of boredom. Peter reacts with hostility to Neal and is incapable of assessing the siatuation in a measured manner. He has no normative standards, is bitterly dismissive of Neal and has relentless vilification of him. He has no regard, remorse or humanity.

Peter is disparaging. Neal is sick of being a perennially smiling presence. This was schmaltz. Peter is a vitriolic critic. The Pink Panthers have never been mentioned before but are massive big bads. Piss off Jones. This was terminal ineptitude and utterly incapable.

Peter's deep hostility and cries of rage bore. The Burke family drama bores. This was comic indecision. Peter erodes Neal's trust and this was catastrophic folly. Peter has an enemies list. This wilfully fails. Peter expresses his distain. There is no integrity or credibility. Neal's sick of Peter's BS. There is a complete forfeiting of sense. There is death and the Liz-bot is pregnant.

Best Lines:

“I'm so very lonely.”

“Can't con our way out.”

“Gesture of faith.”

“Chose Neal over your wife?”

“Rob the robbers.”

“You know you're cuffed to a chair right?”

“You do what I say or I push you down the elevator shaft.”

“You want me to leave.”

“Very much so.”

“Options are prison, death or trusting me.”

“Look where that's gotten him.”

“Rat out a trusted ally.”

“I don't work by Neal's plans.”

“My car is parked!”


Return To Sender

The Liz-bot has quit DC, oh FFS! Neal waves a Mozzie written contract at Peter. People are suspicious of others motivations. Peter wants to degrade Neal to the point of surrender. This is a tragic and lamentable case. An old boring nemesis returns. There is bad acting. There are adverse consequences and secrets and lies. The Liz-bot drinks whilst pregnant. Things get contentious. Keller runs the Pink Panthers. There is a disaster situation, which Peter makes all about him. People act irresponsibly. Who's Keller's benefactor? Neal and Peter play father and son.

This ep has multiple failures. An anti-theft devie does not bother Neal. There is hostile and intimidating behaviour. Mayhem is sowed. This is a serious misjudgment. This was thematically incoherent and Neal is losing patience with Peter's negative approach. There are legally dubious methods and reckless action and Keller works for Interpol. This was awful and ghastly and implausible and unamusing.

Best Lines:

“Tried to sculpt him into the man I know he can be.”

“Spending his family's money.”

“Stamp tongs.”

“This isn't freedom.”

“Yeah, I'm well aware.”

“Catch onto him they did.”

“Find someone stupid enough to buy it?”

“You can't do this to me again.”

“The secure room we're looking for? We're standing in it.”

“Don't you dare call my son a petulant little bastard!”

“You word?!?”

“What is to come.”

“Impossible to fake today.”

Uncontrolled Variables

I used the fast forward button. Peter emotes in all the wrong places. This was significantly less bad than season 5. People blather about the Exodus file which is on a 1970s floopy disc. This ep struggles to satisfy any worthwhile definition of tv. Diana's baby is still newborn sized. This has no use or appeal. This struggles to form a cohesive pattern. There is no character development. Who is Keller's handler? There is no sense of precariousness. Nothing profoundly affects anyone. There is no emotional clout. I am waiting for Peter to foam at the mouth Klaus Kinski style with anger. There is indifference, conning and this was not unbearbaly poignant.

Best Lines:

“Euro Peter.”

“State of the art in 1971.”

“You'll wish that they found you.”

Gold Digger 1x05

The vile son whines. Ben has a half brother. This was mediocrity. The brats brat. Stepkids fancy each other. Julia broods. Ben has a panic attack. This was not a fascinating failure. Ted's gross and the vile lying son is called out. This is a clossal failure. This was miserable and something is covered up. Ted was violent. Ben was done for murder! The brats do a malicious rejection of Ben.

Best Lines:

“Make it how it was.”

“Enough with the bloody meerkats!”

“Where I'm wanted!”

Click & Collect (2018)

This BBC1 one off drama sees a dad tries to get his daughter: Sparklehoof The Unicorn Princess. He is an ass. He doesn't buy the toy when he has the chance and is a useless blowhard. He feuds with the neighbour. This man is a gork. A neighbour says he can get them one via click and collect and the man is a jackass and rejects his help. His wife makes him go. He is such a moaning arsehole. He is useless and cold and rude to his helpful friendly neighbour. Someone steals the Sparklehoof. The git never says sorry once. He demands money from strangers. When did they get their car fixed? He didn't even invite the neighbour over for xmas! This annoyed me. The dad and his deranged behaviour needed a good kick up the arse. The daughter gets Sparklehoof and the neighbour comes over. I heard no word of thanks.

Best Line:

“Santa's doing a piddle!”

“Andrew's going off on one.”

“It's like being in a Turkish brothel! I imagine!”

Tags: review, white collar

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