epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Dracula (1931)+How To Murder Your Wife+Pitch Perfect 3+All Is Lost + 4 others

Dracula (1931)

Bela Lugosi stars. Renfield has catastrophic thinking. The cast of this cheapo movie were ill-fated. There is over acting and wise peasant characters. Renfield treats said wise peasants in an incredibly disparaging fashion. Their views are always ignored. Dracula lurks. This was based on a play, not the book. Why is Dracula wearing English evening dress in mittel Europe? Dracula's brides and their flapper hairdos lurk. What became of said brides?

Mega-psycho Dracula causes public alarm and mortal risk. There is staring in this inherently ludicrious film. Renfield is driven over the edge of sanity. Bats on strings are seen. Why is Renfield dressed like a consumptive Al Capone impersonator? Lugosi seems to be saying his lines phonetically. Castle Dracula looks like a squatters den.

There are no unexpected consequences. Why is there a bed in the dining room? Harm of a grave degree does not unfold. Renfield faints at the sight of a bat? Renfield is Dracula's slave. Fear him! Women have no agency. Dracula dies off screen. This was tiresome.

Best Lines:

“Ya looney!”

“Sole survivor a raving maniac.”

“Captain dead. Tied to the wheel.”

“Earth box.”

How To Murder Your Wife (1965)

Utterly inadequate sexist bilge.

Pitch Perfect 3 (2017)

The Bellas are despairing and in a pattern of negativity. They haven't grown emotionally since the 1st film. One neither likes or admires this. They've graduated. Is Fat Amy on drugs? The new Barton Bellas upstage them and then vanish from the film. The ex-Bellas join the USO. Old patterns of behaviour spring to life. There is abasement and existential anxiety.

This was a cultural nadir. This was futile and absolutely useless and there is a corrosive cynicism and insatiable ambitions. This lacks drama and causes massive disinterest. There are truly obvious revelations and this was shockingly bad. Ruby Rose sings Zombie on an army base. Serious trouble unfolds. There is no terrifying potential.

John Lithgow plays Fat Amy's evil dad. Bees cause a party to become chaos. Ruby Rose is a good singer. The Bellas have no dignity and wreak havoc. This was not joyous. How terrible everything is. TPTB have no willingness to try new things. This was impossibly low brow and serves no purpose.

Logic is utterly ignored. Lithgow puts on a bizarre accent. This was a fiasco. This was disastrous. There is no rising tension. What is so special about Anna Kendrick that every man wants her? There are happy ever afters. There is a dip kiss. Rebel Wilson, Hailee Steinfeld, Brittany Snow, Matt Lanter of 'Timeless', 'Star-Crossed', '90210' and 'Vampires Suck', Guy Burnet of 'Hollyoaks' and 'Counterpart' and Elizabeth Banks star.

Best Lines:

“Unlikely group of not men.”

“I carry mace.”

“This turd burger.”

“B team Bellas.”

“I was supposed to go to my brother's wedding. But this is nice too.”

“I hate a fake bitch!”

“Was I not always in?”

“Sing other peoples songs. Like a cover band.”

“That is a startling insight.”

“You're a very stupid person.”

“Listing stuff.”

“Don't make me keep singing.”

“Your glands look frustrated.”

“Portable beehive.”

“Forget where we were in the conversation.”

“I don't know how else to live.”

“Keep it in the relevant key.”

“Lot of exposition.”

“Get away then.”

“My dad's yacht: the Fat Dingo Bitch! That's what he always used to call my mum!”

All Is Lost (2013)

Robert Redford in peril. This was not dread inducing.

Frost/Nixon (2008)

Michael Sheen and Frank Langella star in a film about a tv interview between David Frost and Richard Nixon. Oliver Platt, Toby Jones and Kevin Bacon co star. This was a dreary slog. Ford pardons the blowhard Nixon. There are ACTINGS and everyone is orange and Nixon is defeated by good old fashioned British pluck.

Best Lines:

“Not in your intellectual class.”

“That's not normally the way lawyers fees are delivered.”

Destroyer (2018)

Nicole Kidman stars in this depressing film. People are aghast at her. This was misconceived and nobody lives a blameless life. This was far below Kidman's best. There is shocking callousness and past bad choices had a life changing impact on her. There are a range of harms. This was woeful. Something very bad happened in the past and it was all for nothing.

People are rigid, testy and ill-informed. There are flashbacks and Sebastian Stan. This was grimly predictable. A past undercover job went wrong. There is no sense of purpose or control. This was terrible and horrible and full of vile and wrong people. There is infliction of emotional suffering. Erin (Kidman) has a brat teenage daughter. She ignores her. There is deep adversity in Erin's past.

There is evidence free whimsy. One has little regard for this. There are ruinous consequences for everything. People are in less than ideal circumstances. Things get rather grim. Erin is anxious and maudlin and conducts her life without help or support. Unrest is formented. Silas is the big bad. There is serious decline and harsh tragedy and bank robberies. There is intolerable behaviour and a twisty ending.

Best Lines:

“How did you think this was going to go?”

“What you failed to prevent.”

“Know your whole sad story.”

“Playing out some little vendetta.”

“Ghost gun.”

“I left it alone. He started it again.”

“I see who you are.”

“She chose to live with you.”

“Mistaken impression.”

Ashby (2015)

I cannot stress how aggressively I do not care about anything Mickey Rourke does ever again.

Locke (2013)

Tom Hardy acts and his accent seems to change every 2 minutes. He talks on the phone to various people. His whining whore is having his baby. He's fired and wrecked his marriage for a woman he doesn't even like. Locke is a vile tool who treats his wife terribly. This was okay.

Tags: counterpart, dracula, movie review, starcrossed, timeless

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