epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Chernobyl Diaries +dream/killer +I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus + 2 more 🦞🦞

Chernobyl Diaries (2012)

Idiots abroad decide to do some disaster tourism and visit Chernobyl. Leaving that offensive premise aside, this was dumb and particularly awful. The idiots die as they experience the fallout of being ugly Americans. The final scene as the final girl thinks she has found safety but learns otherwise in a deeply creepy moment is good but it's not enough to save the movie.

Best Lines:

“Sketchy van situation.”

“Is not baby!”

“I don't want you to come with me!”

dream/killer (2015)

A father works to free his 'wrongfully convicted' son Ryan from jail. A journalist was killed in 2001, the gruesome crime scene video is shown. Ryan is a swearing unrepentant thug at 17. He is not sympathetic and smirks in court whilst on trial for murder. There is endless trial footage and of course he was convicted.

The victim doesn't matter to the family of the convicted man. Ryan whines and is in jail for good reason. There is no logical reason for this documentary. Witnesses are harassed by Ryan's family. Ryan's demanding in jail and his father disturbs the social order. Ryan is the way he is because his father allowed trouble. This is not a chilling insight into the US justice system. Ryan is freed. In 2017, he got 11 million dollars. Huh.

Best Lines:

“Light that will never go off.”

“Prison pizza.”

“Food visit.”

“I did the wrong thing.”

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (2001)

Cole and Dylan Sprouse, Corbin Bernsen and Connie Sellecca star in this corny Christmas movie. Kids shout all their lines and there is bad child acting. Parents start and stop fighting. There is a wacky misunderstanding.

There is uninformed prattling and general hostility. Justin shouts and has wrong thinking and undesirable behaviour. This was appalling. Justin (the Sprouse twins) becomes naughty and objectionable. He also strings up an inflatable Santa with christmas lights which you think would should ensure he gets mental health care. But rationality, sense and logic don't matter in this.

This was frustrating. Justin is distinctly unapologetic. Adults range from the completely useless to the almost completely useless. This was totally incompetent. This was almost comically stupid. There is a unanimous sense of disappointment in this tedious film. Dad gets Home Aloned and hit by rakes. There is brand mismangement and product inconsistency.

Best Lines

“I'll say it! Grace! Let's eat!”

“I got parental guilt on my side.”

“Stay away fatso!”

The Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954)

A mer-man lurks in this okay Universal Horror.

Paris Is Burning (1990)

An okay documentary about the ball scene in NY. One person interviewed was murdered during filming, a case unsolved to this day. There is voguing pre-Madonna. Gwen Verdon and Eileen Ford cameo. One of the people interviewed was after their death revealed to be a murderer. This was better than 'Pose'.

Tags: movie review, riverdale

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