epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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The War Of The Worlds 1x01 +Insatiable 2x04 +Star Trek Voyager 3x08 +White Collar 4x16 +Krypton 2x08

The War Of The Worlds (2019) 1x01

This BBC1 take on the book was BAD. The opening is emotionless bad narration. The opening credits are bad. Rupert Graves looks like a lemon sucker. Robert Carlyle looks bored. This was relentlessly tedious. The two main characters (who were NOT in the book) are a man whore who ditched his wife and children to run off with a whore and said whore.

A cylinder from Mars lands in common land. Why didn't the army notice? The cheater and his whore whine about being social pariahs. Are we meant to pity the homewrecking man whore and his slut? This was a tiresome bore. There are no horrific cirumstances. The tripods don't show up until the last 5 minutes. People do not notice the giant Martian war machine stomping aorund the home counties.

The man whore ditched his children. He does not care about them or mention them. All he cares about is his whore. The man whore nags his wife for a divorce. She has been abandoned by her protector and would have no money or home if her family hadn't taken her in. Shut up man whore! He doesn't care about his wife's sitch. The man whore and his man pain whine.

This was absurdist and it has no dramatic teeth. This was idiotic with bad vfx. This was interminable and has a useless flashforward. The man whore sadly does not die after bits of wood fall on him. Did the dog die? What about the duck? There is blue goo. The whore runs off and pulls the ultimate mistress trick: the oops baby. DIE YOU WHORE. We see her in a flashforward with her whoredropped bastard who looks like Tiny Tim. Oh FFS!

Best Lines:

“Regarded this earth with envious eyes and slowly and surely, drew their plans against us.”

“What did he say?”

“Nothing good.”

“Rough men in tunics.”

“His Lordship has views.”

“Of course, you're not sorry.”

“Had the measure of you all along.”

“Pain will come.”

“Very odd things.”

“No one alive down there.”

Poison Patty

Patty is haunted by her dead dad who was a completely awful man. He makes reference to 'Poison Ivy'. Evil Bob causes awkward tension and Coralee fuels a rift and weaponises all differences and is less than nice. I've little or no sympathy for anyone. This ep was a grave misstep. This was ineffective. Things are increasingly volatile and mindlessly amoral.

Magnolia is sad and Brick's too thick for college. People are mean. Patty is signed up to the Association of Substitue Sisters (ASS). Regina is awful. Brick thinks Bob should date and wear leather. Roller derby is played. Evil Bob looks like a hairless mole rat. Bob gets some, but not much. Patty's unintuitive mother shows up.

People make portentous pronouncements. Why isn't Patty's mother arrested for child abandonment? Patty learns she might not have killed her dad, she could have another option for paternity. Patty's mom thinks of her as an afterthought. There are grubby tactics and gross abuse of trust. Coralee is a slut. Bob is agitated. There is staggering ignorance.

There is a refusal of satisfaction and hints of mandess. Bob wants to run for mayor against evil Bob. Coralee and evil Bob and Patty's mom profess loyalty but are vile jerks who deserve to be repudiated. People are dangerously irresponsible. Bob does a furious condemnation of his slut wife and evil Bob. Blame, guilt, shame and anger fly. Who is responsible for Patty's safety and well being?

Things get more and more grim. There are no insightful thoughts. Bob expressed his annoyance. Patty didn't kill her dad. Well she killed a man but he wasn't her dad. So who is her dad? There is problematic behaviour. This was truly bad.

Best Lines:

“Blow up our family.”

“Waited to try and be happy.”

“I never meant to be the bad guy.”

“Between the tariffs and the shipping!”

“Menage a mingle.”

“What is wrong with my pocket square?!?”

“No. Lame. No.”

“Only come here ironically.”


“You abandoned me on my birthday.”

“Postpone real life.”

“Making a life without me.”

“Burned my past to the ground.”

“Slung weiners.”

“That's a thing?”

Future's End

This one time event 2 parter has dated badly. Still it could be worse, I could be watching 'The Orville'. What is a downlink? Sarah Silverman and Ed Begley, Jr guest star. Voyager ends up back on Earth in the 1990s. It is filmed and airs on tv. This was perfunctory and unimpressive. Janeway says LA sank.

Janeway and her massive hair also says she doesn't know what her ancestors did at this point in time. Yet in '11:59' she did! The SETI greeting is sent to Voyager. The timeline is contaminated from all the starfleet crews running around the 20th century. This was grand absurdity. Janeway pulls an I Don't Know Him. This was utterly irrelevant.

Best Lines:

“The USSR broke up 5 years ago!”

“He appears to live on the street!”

“Quasi Cardassian totalitarian!”

In The Wind

Peter's in trouble and goes through some things. I could care less. Increasingly hostile disagreements and worrying complacency feature. A drone is used. Sara leaves. Again. People are seriously misinformed. James lists off Neal's various girlfriends names to Sara. Emily Procter and Titus Welliver guest star. Neal's dad is revealed to be malevolent and nihilistic. He fuels deeper resentment. Neal's dumb and gets his shirt off. There is a moral choice and hubristic fantasy and bete noirs. Neal is shocked at James' corrupt and sleazy and sordid behaviour. James threatens Neal with GBH and legs it.

Best Lines:

“Crossed a line you couldn't come back from.”

“Show me you're a decent man!”

“This can't be good.”

“This stuff is nasty.”

“Always made bad decisions.”


Seg obsesses over Brainic and Jor-El who are gone. Lyta isn't dead, that was a clone. Oh ffs. Lyta has a trip. Zod is boring like this ep.

Tags: krypton, review, star trek, white collar

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