epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: The King + Hope Springs + God's Own Country + Unfriended

The King (2019)

It's the early 15th century and there are glass windows. Lord Hotspur and Henry IV have issues. There is ranting and no subtle insights. There are behavioural issues and this had unfavourable reviews. The King rules through a vice like grip of fear. Falstaff and Hal party as the King deals out brutal reprisals.

There is a very strong campaign to oppose Henry IV. Nobody behaves ethically. There is extremely evil misconduct in discordant times. Henry IV says another of his sons, Thomas, is to be king. Who? Hal aka the future Henry V boffs hookers and doesn't have a scarred face. Hal looks unwashed.

Henry Percy aka Hotspur rebels. There is malignant savagery. This is not era-defining or a seminal discourse. Trying to stop war is impossible. Evil itself seems to seep from the walls. There are bitter standoffs and calculated brutality. Thomas dies, offscreen.

Hal becomes king after his unloved dad dies. Hal now Henry V and his ugly haircut broods. Henry has a sister who is Queen of Denmark despite being a child. Timothee Chalamet and Robert Pattinson star.

Why is there a camel in this? The Queen of Denmark has crimped hair. Henry V does have a tiny face scar, so tiny you can't see it. A bishop lisps. There is mumbling and Henry has moral certainty. There are inconsistencies with the play and history. An unsought war takes place. This was okay if not exceptionally well done. There are serious factual errors. Confidence in Henry V is pretty low. Why did Henry IV have such negative assumptions about his son?

There is intimidatory action. Henry V has unlimited messianic potential. TPTB have disregard for facts and history. Henry V will bow to no one. People have certain characteristics and life choices. This was mumblecore. The comedy Dauphin does a comedy French accent. Why are there boys in a war camp?

The rain and mud apepar and reappear during the big chaotic battle. There is no blood despite all the death. How can you tell who is who? The Dauphin falls on his arse in the mud and gets stabbed to death. Henry's ever loyal pal Falstaff dies. Henry hooks up with Catherine of Valois who always speaks the truth to him. She would give him his son and heir who'd he never see and would by her second husband, birth the Tudor dynasty. Ben Mendelshon, Joel Edgerton and Lily-Rose Depp co-starred in this.

Best Lines:

“I refuse to believe him a prisoner.”

“Saturated with malice.”

“We aided you in your ascension.”

“What a venomous boy.”

“Require undiminished loyalty.”

“Request is wholly ignored.”

“Drunken sulk.”

“You will not inherit the crown.”

“Nor have I sought it.”

“Neither suprise not disappointment.”

“You have no place here!”

“Burn Henry's reign to the ground.”

“Where be the big dog?”

“A plague to England.”

“Suffer the indignity of serving me.”

“What kind of England?”

“Unnatural mechanics from the edge of christendom.”

“No reconcilation to be had.”

“Did untold harm to the kingdom.”

“Their own kingdoms behind their eyes.”

“Stinking rathole.”

“He knows not of.”

“Now wears England's crown.”

“French rats.”

“Men whose loyalty I question every waking moment.”

“A king has no friends.”

“Lusts after it not.”

“Penetrate the fog of time elapsed.”

“Men of good reason.”

“He laughed very much.”

“My brother was too stupid.”

“Kill them all.”

“Leader of lands and peoples.”

“Archbishop's bleatings.”

“I can't speak to his motivation.”

“Seem to intent on making France your new home.”

“Rain chaos on them from above.”

“He once fought for Richard many years ago.”

“You know that cannot be.”

“I cannot speak English.”

“You will learn.”

“You yourself are the son of a usurper.”

Hope Springs (2012)

Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep have marital issues. Jones is a horrible grumpy bully. This was okay & has a happy ending.

Best Lines:

“Do you like red wine?”


“Then I'd go with the white.”

“I'm back.”

“I see that.”

God's Own Country (2017)

It's grim up north in this depressing uninteresting film.

Best Lines:

“Heifer needs looking at!”

“If you think I'm cleaning your sick up again, you've got another think coming.”

Unfriended (2014)

Laura Burns killed herself due to being bullied after a shameful video of her was posted online. Her 'friends' don't seem to care about her or the devestating effects on her. They are annoying teens who indulge in wilful cruelty so Laura's ghost takes revenge on them. There is lots of typing in this low budget film. There is faux meance and this was tedious.

The brats are so spitefully petty with no positive or reddeeming traits. They seek escalation. Go offline you morons! There is hidden intent, death and yelling. Someone nearly got disowned for selling pot. Someone calls their boyfriend Mitchie. There is revealed lying and cheating. Why does someone have a gun? Someone is a poisonous friend. This was absurd.

Best Lines:

“The glitch just typed.”

“That was in poor taste.”

“You're all terrible people.”

“Rumour thing about me!”

“Attach themsleves to your sin.”

“I wish I could forgive you.”

“Really sexy when you're violent.”

“What is this person's problem?”

“Do not answer messages from the dead.”

“Trashy little bitch!”

“We're not ghetto!”

“Go fight outside of a Wendys or something.”

“Owe me a thank you.”

“Beat your ass any goddam day!”

“Go to a Taco Bell parking lot and you guys can slap fight it out.”

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