epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Call Me By Your Name + Free Solo 🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑

Call Me By Your Name (2017)

Armie Hammer stars in this indie movie which is based on a novel. It's set in 1983 Italy and a beanpole teenage boy, Elio, meets Oliver (Hammer). Elio looks like hasn't gone through puberty and Oliver is an adult. Oliver is 6 foot 5 and looms in a series of unfortunate shorts. There is sunlight and not much happens.

There is a discussion of the word apricot. Oliver wears short shorts and feels Elio up. There are ass shots and a very small swimming pool. Elio is emotionally difficult. This was not purposeful nor is it culturally fascinating. This film earned realms of praise for some reason.

Kids smoke. Oliver dad dances. There are no nostalgic pangs just measuring looks and expectant looks. This is not how relationships should be. There are unmet needs. A peach is irreparably defiled. This was played with belief. This was unjustly praised. The parents react to their tween son having a relationship with an adult man with a universal celebration of relief and joy.

Elio is a precocious brat. This lacks much needed much needed credibility. This was morally unjustifiable. People are loftily bored. There is daft implausibility and no intriguing complexity. This was conspicuously boring.

There are ill-intentioned people, stupid hippy parents, making out, paino playing, a couple nicknamed Sonny & Cher, peeing, shagging and crotch grabbing. Where are all the poeple when Elio and Oliver flit around the streets? Oliver leaves. There is babbling and the father is creepy and has no boundaries. Oliver is to get married, Elio cries. 🍑

Best Lines:

“What does one do around here?”

“Wait for the summer to end.”

“Does that make any sense to you?”

“Figures. He's French.”

“Am I offending you?”

“Just don't.”

“I don't want either of us to pay for this.”

"Have I spoken out of turn?”

“You're hurting me.”

“Then don't fight.”

“I am not such a parent.”

“No one looks at it much less wants to come near it.”

Free Solo (2018)

A documentary about a rock climbing jackass. No.

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